Those of you who know me and my family immediately know who I am talking about. However, if you have not had the pleasure of meeting us in person and you read this blog (not sure if there are any of you out there, but just in case) I will give you a little background info.
I have 4 daughters. The oldest, big T just turned 8 years old and is in second grade. She is full of energy all the time and has ears in the back of her head (she hears everything especially what you don't want her to hear). L, the second daughter is 6 and a half. She is the nurturer, she loves to help, but has some sensory issues and difficulty in school. She is all about fairness and fixing wrongs into rights. She is in first grade. The baby, M, is 3 months old and the calmest, most laid back baby ever. I hope she continues with this personality until well, ever.
Little T is 5. She is in nursery school, she is adorably cute but she is the most stubborn child I have ever met. That is saying a lot. I don't know if you remember but I have only had jobs working with children. Not just any children-most of them special needs children. And I have never met another child as stubborn and stuck in her ways as my 5 year old daughter. This character trait comes out in all sorts of ways but the hardest for me is getting her dressed. She only likes to wear certain clothes (over and over, which I could live with) but she can't wear summer clothes when it is -5 degrees outside. And we have had days like that this winter. I know these days parenting advice is all for talking to your children. Process it with them, explain it to them, blah, blah, blah. Then if things really don't work send them to time out. For most kids I think this could be the best strategy. However, I don't have those kids, I have kids that need to experience to understand.
Let me give you an example. Last week, little T would not get dressed in the morning. After she finally put her dress on she refused to put on tights. (This goes back long way-she has never liked things on her legs but we haven't argued about it lately). I kept trying to tell her why she needs to wear them, it's cold outside, your feet/legs will be cold, and on and on. It didn't matter, she was not putting on tights. After going around and around with her during the most stressful part of the day-before carpool, getting to work, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I opened the front door, took her arm and made her stand on the front step with nothing on her legs and feet. I kept her there for 2 minutes (it felt like forever) while I did something in the kitchen - she was in my line of sight the whole time of course. She was crying and crying but I didn't break. When I brought her back inside I asked her if she understood why Mommy wants her to wear tights. She said yes and went to get her tights. No more arguments about tights (yet)!
This situation just made me think that there isn't one size fits all parenting. Am I a bad mom for trying to teach my children even if they need a different way to learn it? Instead of worrying why my kids need that different way, isn't my job to ensure that they are safe and learn to take care of themselves and the world around them?
3 comments:
Being that I've been a mother for three weeks, I don't really have much experience in the field, but I say, whatever works. If that was the successful way to teach her she has to wear tights, go for it. How did you keep her there for two full minutes?
Very interesting parenting skills, I would have probably done the same thing! Your children have a way of pushing you to create new parenting methods that you will not find in a book, but that's what good parenting is: getting the lesson/message across in the best way you can think of. Your daughter will never forget that, she knows you love her so you did your job. Mommys wear many hats and you feel guilty for doing it. So, in the end, love your kids, help them become good people, and try to keep your sanity in the process.
E, parenting is the hardest job in the world and there is no class to teach you the best way. You do what you have to do - it makes me laugh because it reminds me of what I did to you when you wanted to run away. The important thing is that you love them and will always try to do the best for them even if it sometimes seems drastic. Drastic methods sometimes gets the message across.
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