Appreciated and Appreciation

This past week was hard. One of those nothing ever goes right, can't get enough sleep, yelling at my kids, stress filled weeks. I just couldn't seem to handle stress and normal everyday problems that I normally can.


But there was a bright spot to the week.


On Wednesday, the kids had a carnival celebrating the upcoming holiday of Purim. It was super exciting for the kids and it is something they look forward to for many weeks. Well, Little T came home from school that day full of happiness and stories about the games she played and the prizes she won. As we were talking she mentioned that 3 kids in her class were absent because they were sick. She asked me very nicely if she could call them and wish them a Refuah Shelaimah (Feel Better Soon). I agreed and dialed the numbers for her.

The calls went a little something like this:


Little T: "Hello, this is Little T and I want to wish so-and-so a refuah shelaimah.


(Of course, I only heard her side of the conversations).


Little T: "What? No, Hello, this is Little T and I want to wish so-and-so a refuah shelaimah.


(I guess they didn't understand the first time).


Anyway, she had great phone manners and told her friends she missed them in school and she hoped she would see them the next day. She had to repeat that message a few times to her friends but they eventually got the point. I told her she did a big mitzva (nice thing) and I was very proud of her. Hours pass and we finish our night, Little T goes to bed.



About an hour after that the phone rings. And on the caller id is the name of one of the families that Little T called. It was the mom of the little boy that Little T called. She called to tell me how much she appreciated what Little T did. It meant a lot to her and her son and she felt like she needed to tell me. Not only she did speak highly of my daughter regarding the phone call but she also shared with me times she had been in Little T's classroom and she saw how special Little T was. This mom told me she felt that Little T is so caring and generous and truly cares about her friends. She said Little T is spunky and independent and her goodness shines through.



Whoa, are we talking about my child?

I said thank you, hung up the phone, turned to my husband and almost burst into tears. Because no one has ever done that before. I have the kind of kids that everyone notices and not always for reasons that are good. My kids aren't bad, they aren't mean (except to each other), but they are high maintenance and full of energy. Oh, and they are smart and perceptive so you can't trick/manipulate them easily.

But that phone call really made me think. And I realized a few things.

1. In today's society we are so concerned with boundaries (and often we should be). I am especially conscious of not wanting to overstep that sometimes I forget that sometimes overstepping is the right thing and might make someone feel good. That phone call couldn't have come at a better time. It was wonderful to see my daughter through someone else's eyes.

2. I need to stop labeling my children. I often talk about my kids and label them or give them a role in the family. Little T is the stubborn one, Big T hoards toys, L is the nurturer. All of these labels are true but they aren't the only ways to define my children. I need to remember to talk about my children in a more positive manner. I forgot that Little T is a giving, caring child that makes friends easily. What a strength! Hopefully one that will follow her throughout life.

A little appreciation goes a long way in this world where we don't often stop to say a simple "thanks." So I am saying thanks to this mom for seeing the good in my child. Thanks for taking the time to tell me. And most of all, thanks for reminding me how wonderful my kids are.