the clock in the sky

I know in previously written posts I have talked about Little T. I want to focus this post on her-my most stubborn, willful, independent child.


Little T is 5 years old. Sometimes she acts much younger and sometimes much older. I blame her behavior (read stubborn arguing) on her strawberry blond/almost red hair. She does have a fiery temperament and strong creative streak. She is extremely dramatic and loves to perform. But she also is my child who loves books and can sit and entertain herself for close to an hour reading books even though she can't read yet!


She is extremely picky about her clothes-she likes her socks pulled up all the way to her knees. She thinks turquoise matches red and pink. She made me paint the toenails on one foot pink and the other toenails on the other foot a different color.


She marches to the beat of her own drum. Actually, I don't think it's a drum it ,might be a keyboard. Or maybe a guitar.


Anyway, the reason this post came about was a conversation I had with her tonight while she was eating dinner and I was feeding the baby. Here goes:

Little T: "Mommy, Hashem had to work very hard to create the world."

Me: "Yes, that's true."

Little T: "He worked so hard then he needed a BIG, BIG rest."

Me: "Yep."

Little T: "Then he put a big clock/timer in the shemayim (sky) and that is how we know when holidays are."

(I have to admit that up until this point I hadn't really been paying attention. So I asked her to repeat-timer in the sky? What? So she told me again.)

Me: "Who told you this?"

Little T: "No one Mommy, I figured this out by myself. The clock tells when the holidays are so we know."

Me: "How did you get so smart?"

Little T (said in all seriousness): "Grandma."


You can imagine me laughing. I almost fell out of my chair. And then I had to call grandma right away and tell her. Now, I know who to blame give credit to! We had a good laugh together about Little T.


Thanks for being spunky and creative and your own person, Little T!! You certainly make life more interesting!

Mazel Tov!

It's a boy!

My husband's brother and his wife had a baby boy yesterday evening. A 9 pound baby boy!

Everyone in the family is super excited, this is the first boy in about 4 years-the last 3 grandkids on my husband's side have been girls. So it's a pretty big deal.

It's also a big deal because it's their first child. I can barely remember what that feels like-when everything is so new and scary-AND you're the one in charge.

Did the baby get enough to eat?

Is the baby's poop supposed to look that color?

Why is the baby crying?

Should I make people wash their hands before they touch the baby?

All thoughts I had when my oldest was born. When M was born a few months ago (the 4th) I didn't really have any of those worries. Caring for a newborn wasn't new. Even though it had been almost 5 years since Little T was born, how to care for a newborn came rushing back. I knew what to do.

I have found that I enjoy the newborn stage (and yes, I HAVE had a difficult/crying all the time baby so I know what that is like) and it goes by so fast. It is hard to be fully present and enjoy that time; when you are worried about how to care for the baby and recovering from childbirth things can be completely overwhelming! But now that my kids are bigger I realize that they are only babies for such a short time. It is so important to savor it and relish it. They get more and more independent and their needs constantly change.

So enjoy your first baby D and E! He is truly a blessing!

Mazel Tov!

I will survive!

No, that song was not sung. But many other songs were sung, dances danced and acting acted.

I'll give you 3 guesses-where was I?

Ok, I'll just tell you, I went to Erev Shira last night. Sara has a great post about this (and hopefully the link works-I'm still a beginner). I couldn't not write all my thoughts about this evening of song (that's what erev shira means).

First, and foremost it is always wonderful to see kids perform-they work so hard and feel so proud. It is also amazing to see what the teachers are able to accomplish with kids of all varying talents, levels, and abilities. That being said I feel like I truly understand the meaning of the word sacrifice because I really and truly did not want to go! I kept trying to find excuses not to go; I have a cough, it's too late for the kids, etc. But my second grader begged me and begged me and I finally said yes. I wanted her to see her friends from school perform and I also wanted her to be able to talk about the performance with the other girls that went to see it. ( I am trying to be a better mom-but that's probably a post for another day). I also took L who is in first grade because I couldn't leave her out.

The message of the show was important and actually something that I would like to incorporate more into our family. Seeing the good in things that don't always appear that way. Making lemonade out of lemons. That sort of thing. I got it, but I'm not sure my girls did. Because after every scene they had at least 2 minutes of transition time when the stage was black and nothing was happening and then a loooooong song or dance. Could someone tell me why it has to be that way? My girls could not follow the story line with all the interruptions. And we were a terrible audience-everyone including adults talked all the time. What's up with that-aren't we trying to teach our children how to be respectful?

We didn't even stay the entire time, by 9:oo I just had to get my kids home and in bed. Especially considering L had lost all interest by that time and was waiting outside the auditorium because she was so bored. But that meant that Big T was upset because she wanted to stay until the end. There's just no pleasing more than one child at a time.

I would like to give a compliment to Big T. She gave lots of compliments to relatives of the girls who were performing. She was very sweet and she paid attention the whole time. Even L who had a hard time sitting didn't disrupt the performance.

So, I guess I could say it was $28 well spent. Time spent with my daughters watching something wholesome and relatively entertaining. Of course, this morning neither wanted to go to school because they were tiiiiiiiired (said in super whiny voices). Well, I wonder why?

P.S. The amount of balloons people brought to give to the performers could have carried me right up out of there-they filled the whole entryway. It's not Broadway people!

Appreciated and Appreciation

This past week was hard. One of those nothing ever goes right, can't get enough sleep, yelling at my kids, stress filled weeks. I just couldn't seem to handle stress and normal everyday problems that I normally can.


But there was a bright spot to the week.


On Wednesday, the kids had a carnival celebrating the upcoming holiday of Purim. It was super exciting for the kids and it is something they look forward to for many weeks. Well, Little T came home from school that day full of happiness and stories about the games she played and the prizes she won. As we were talking she mentioned that 3 kids in her class were absent because they were sick. She asked me very nicely if she could call them and wish them a Refuah Shelaimah (Feel Better Soon). I agreed and dialed the numbers for her.

The calls went a little something like this:


Little T: "Hello, this is Little T and I want to wish so-and-so a refuah shelaimah.


(Of course, I only heard her side of the conversations).


Little T: "What? No, Hello, this is Little T and I want to wish so-and-so a refuah shelaimah.


(I guess they didn't understand the first time).


Anyway, she had great phone manners and told her friends she missed them in school and she hoped she would see them the next day. She had to repeat that message a few times to her friends but they eventually got the point. I told her she did a big mitzva (nice thing) and I was very proud of her. Hours pass and we finish our night, Little T goes to bed.



About an hour after that the phone rings. And on the caller id is the name of one of the families that Little T called. It was the mom of the little boy that Little T called. She called to tell me how much she appreciated what Little T did. It meant a lot to her and her son and she felt like she needed to tell me. Not only she did speak highly of my daughter regarding the phone call but she also shared with me times she had been in Little T's classroom and she saw how special Little T was. This mom told me she felt that Little T is so caring and generous and truly cares about her friends. She said Little T is spunky and independent and her goodness shines through.



Whoa, are we talking about my child?

I said thank you, hung up the phone, turned to my husband and almost burst into tears. Because no one has ever done that before. I have the kind of kids that everyone notices and not always for reasons that are good. My kids aren't bad, they aren't mean (except to each other), but they are high maintenance and full of energy. Oh, and they are smart and perceptive so you can't trick/manipulate them easily.

But that phone call really made me think. And I realized a few things.

1. In today's society we are so concerned with boundaries (and often we should be). I am especially conscious of not wanting to overstep that sometimes I forget that sometimes overstepping is the right thing and might make someone feel good. That phone call couldn't have come at a better time. It was wonderful to see my daughter through someone else's eyes.

2. I need to stop labeling my children. I often talk about my kids and label them or give them a role in the family. Little T is the stubborn one, Big T hoards toys, L is the nurturer. All of these labels are true but they aren't the only ways to define my children. I need to remember to talk about my children in a more positive manner. I forgot that Little T is a giving, caring child that makes friends easily. What a strength! Hopefully one that will follow her throughout life.

A little appreciation goes a long way in this world where we don't often stop to say a simple "thanks." So I am saying thanks to this mom for seeing the good in my child. Thanks for taking the time to tell me. And most of all, thanks for reminding me how wonderful my kids are.

I need some encouragement

Edited/Update:

First, thanks for all the great advice and support. Being a mom is all about knowing you have support and getting advice and I feel really blessed to know you guys are out there. Sometimes it just feels better to know you are not alone!

I use a medela pump in style from when my oldest was born, it could be that it is not working as well but I really don't think so.

Shira-don't feel bad pumping when he is this small is the smart thing to do! I should have done that when I was engorged but I couldn't get my act together.

Anita-it is great to have your perspective since you are the one feeding her the bottles. Thanks for the encouragement and you know I am all about making your life easier when you are taking care of my rambunctious children.

I do try to read and relax when I pump and that does help, I think this week I have been feeling more stress and anxiety and I am sure that is affecting my milk supply. Thanks for reminding me about food, she just had her 4 month check-up so we will be starting that relatively soon.

And that brings me to the update portion: M is 12lbs and in the 25th percentile for weight and the 75th percentile for height (could I have possibly made a tall child?). She is meeting all developmental milestones and ithe doctor says she is doing great. So really I am thankful to Hashem that everything is going well and that she is growing. And that is the MOST important thing!

Help!



Disclaimer: If you are a man (and you know who you are) please stop reading. This is a topic that pertains to women and if you keep reading don't say you weren't warned. In fact, if you are a woman who has not had children you might want to stop now too.

Ok, here goes: I need help with breastfeeding and pumping. It is so hard!

I am committed to nursing my baby for as long as I can (or at least until teeth, whichever comes first) but I am having a hard time with the pumping. I knew there would come a point where I wouldn't be able to keep up with her but I didn't think it would come so soon. She is 4 months old this week and she is already needing an extra bottle of formula throughout the day.

Let me give some background: I pump 2x a day and usually get 6- 8 oz. My body just has a hard time keeping up with the demand just by pumping. I pump in my locked classroom, once in the morning and once at lunchtime. I am always rushing and usually have a very limited amount of time to pump.

In the past I alway had to give up pumping from around 9 months to 5 months (depending on the child). But that has always meant giving up breastfeeding for good-the other girls were all or nothing. It was all formula or all nursing, but not some of each. I am not ready for that to happen yet. I enjoy feeding the baby (most of the time). I am not ready to give up the time we spend together.

So here are some of the tricks I have heard for keeping your milk supply up:

1. drink mother's milk tea

2. take fenugreek-until you smell like maple syrup and should probably go move to Vermont

3. eat oatmeal

4. brewer's yeast-either in beer or as a supplement

5. drink enough water

6. feed the baby frequently as supply correlates to demand

I know all of this in my head (and I have been following all this advice) but I am having a difficult time staying motivated to continue. My supply doesn't seem to increase as a result of all these "interventions."I certainly want M to get all the benefits of breastmilk and I would like to have the benefits of not having to pay for formula and not getting my "friend." But I would like my body (and brain back). Especially if I feel like I am going through all this effort for what feels like a minimal amount of "liquid gold."

So it's a balance but I find it impossible to find the right balance. If I stop pumping I know I will feel guilty for not giving M the best of what she needs. But if I keep going I struggle with the resentment of having to do it at all.

So I am asking for help. Anything you feel might help would be welcome. Anything you might have learned along the way and think is worth sharing I would looooove to hear.

I guess I'm an idealist

Firstly, I would like to say Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband. I won't get all sappy or anything because I hate when people do that kind of stuff in public but I will say that I can't believe we have shared 10 years together. In a way, we have really grown up together( we got married when we were 20 and 21) and I feel so lucky and blessed to have you by my side. Happy Happy Birthday and Many, Many More!!



Okay, now for the real topic of this post. Yesterday, we had a meeting with L's school about her behavior in the classroom. Just to give a little background, she has been having difficulty following directions, she has been having tantrums, she has been leaving the classroom, I could go on but you get the idea. She is 6 years old and in 1st grade.



We have done numerous interventions outside of school to help her. She sees an OT, we have put tube in her ears 3x (she is prone to ear infections), taken her to a chiropractor (because of ear infections), started her with a social worker, gotten her a full psych/academic eval, are taking her to a neurologist because she has sleep issues (we think). I think that might be it, but I could be forgetting something. Anyway, the point is we are NOT in denial.



The meeting actually went fine and I think the school is impressed with all the steps we have taken. The point of this post is not talk about the meeting but rather my some feelings I was left with after it was over.



We spent a whole chunk of time talking about how L doesn't like to join the group on the floor when they sit on the floor to listen to a story. We discussed why that might be, how the school/teacher could address it, etc. But I was left feeling-why the heck is this important? Don't get me wrong, I am a teacher and understand full well how classrooms work. I know that I want my child to be taught how to behave appropriately and to learn how to be safe and take responsibility for herself. Where does something like sitting on the floor fall into that? Why does every child have to do the same thing at the same time all the time?



It seems to me that in the educational world of today, we stifle all aspects of a child's individuality. I don't know why, I do know it is easier to teach that way. But it make me sad. I have children that don't fit the mold. They stand out. A lot of the reasons they stand out make them difficult to manage. But I have this feeling that all of these "difficulties" will help them be successful adults when they grow up. They speak their minds. They think for themselves and have opinions. They have lots of energy. Why would I want to squash these parts of their personalities just to have them be like everyone else?



Yesterday's meeting helped me realize that even though my child has "issues" I am proud of her! I am learning to appreciate all aspects of my children even if the rest of the world doesn't.

The most stubborn child I have ever met

Those of you who know me and my family immediately know who I am talking about. However, if you have not had the pleasure of meeting us in person and you read this blog (not sure if there are any of you out there, but just in case) I will give you a little background info.

I have 4 daughters. The oldest, big T just turned 8 years old and is in second grade. She is full of energy all the time and has ears in the back of her head (she hears everything especially what you don't want her to hear). L, the second daughter is 6 and a half. She is the nurturer, she loves to help, but has some sensory issues and difficulty in school. She is all about fairness and fixing wrongs into rights. She is in first grade. The baby, M, is 3 months old and the calmest, most laid back baby ever. I hope she continues with this personality until well, ever.

Little T is 5. She is in nursery school, she is adorably cute but she is the most stubborn child I have ever met. That is saying a lot. I don't know if you remember but I have only had jobs working with children. Not just any children-most of them special needs children. And I have never met another child as stubborn and stuck in her ways as my 5 year old daughter. This character trait comes out in all sorts of ways but the hardest for me is getting her dressed. She only likes to wear certain clothes (over and over, which I could live with) but she can't wear summer clothes when it is -5 degrees outside. And we have had days like that this winter. I know these days parenting advice is all for talking to your children. Process it with them, explain it to them, blah, blah, blah. Then if things really don't work send them to time out. For most kids I think this could be the best strategy. However, I don't have those kids, I have kids that need to experience to understand.

Let me give you an example. Last week, little T would not get dressed in the morning. After she finally put her dress on she refused to put on tights. (This goes back long way-she has never liked things on her legs but we haven't argued about it lately). I kept trying to tell her why she needs to wear them, it's cold outside, your feet/legs will be cold, and on and on. It didn't matter, she was not putting on tights. After going around and around with her during the most stressful part of the day-before carpool, getting to work, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I opened the front door, took her arm and made her stand on the front step with nothing on her legs and feet. I kept her there for 2 minutes (it felt like forever) while I did something in the kitchen - she was in my line of sight the whole time of course. She was crying and crying but I didn't break. When I brought her back inside I asked her if she understood why Mommy wants her to wear tights. She said yes and went to get her tights. No more arguments about tights (yet)!

This situation just made me think that there isn't one size fits all parenting. Am I a bad mom for trying to teach my children even if they need a different way to learn it? Instead of worrying why my kids need that different way, isn't my job to ensure that they are safe and learn to take care of themselves and the world around them?

Guilty as charged

I have been thinking a lot about guilt lately. I'm not sure why-guilt is always a part of my daily life. Why am I writing about it now? I don't know. I just know that I constantly feel guilt in all aspects of my life. No matter what I do I feel like I am cheating something or someone else out of something.

When I 'm at work I feel like I am being less of a mom. When I am at work and thinking about my kids I feel like I am doing a disservice to my students. When I am focusing on my husband, I feel like I should be paying attention to my kids. When I am playing with my kids, I should spend time with my husband. When I am reading a book, I should be cleaning my house. When I am cleaning the house I should be playing with the baby. Tonight I should be at a parent meeting for my first grader and I'm not. So I feel guilty. And the list goes on and on and on. . .

I can make myself feel guilty about the littlest things-like buying a coffee when I am trying to save money. But I can't seem to stop doing the actions or feeling guilty. Maybe I like to feel bad? Maybe I feel like feeling like a martyr?

I have a wonderful husband who never makes me feel guilty. I do that all on my own. He encourages me to be easier on myself and let go of the little things. Live my life. But I have never been good at letting things go.

For tonight I am going to let go of the guilt that goes along with not going to the parent meeting. I don't really want to go. I speak to the teachers all the time anyway. Am I less of a parent for not going? I hope not!