I know it has been a long time since I blogged, probably no one is reading this anymore. But that's ok. I am just writing for myself now.
I am feeling discouraged. About a lot of things. This is a hard time of year to be a teacher-all the standardized testing makes students and teachers feel yucky. So much rides on these tests that everyone feels stressed and irritated for most of the time. So that's one thing.
Then there's the fact of the pregnant 8th grader in my school. Who basically thinks it's a big joke. This bothers me on so many levels I can't even begin to talk about it. Maybe another time.
Then there's the fact that I had to have a "group therapy session" with my students this morning because they are embarrassed that I take them out of their regular class for testing. The irony is other non special ed kids ask me to take them! I thought I was doing a good job of inclusion, helping all students feel accepted and know that they are getting what they need to be successful and apparently I'm not. Even though I am in a small school and have so much involvement with ALL the students, it doesn't seem to matter. I guess middle schoolers are just insecure by nature but I am bothered by these comments. They think they are treated so differently, when the reality is that the modifications I make for them are so minor and they are even given to other students without IEP's very often! Now I need to figure out how to address this issue.
Then there's the fact that after all these work headaches and issues, we teachers are getting based right and left in the media! That just adds to the discouraging feelings because it doesn't seem like we are valued for what we do. The way society views education definitely filters down to the students and kids and we lose a lot of respect both in and out of the classroom. It feels like we are fighting an uphill battle every day!
Then there's the fact that the world revolves around money. My husband and I work hard for our money and don't lead extravagant lifestyles by any means. We use coupons and look for the best deals on things before we buy them. We don't take vacations or even go to movies. And yet, every year it is a struggle to figure out school tuition. When people might hear how much our salaries are they might have a misperception of how much money we actually have. When you pay a mortgage, property tax, tuition/babysitting for 4 kids, utilities, car payments, food, copays for medicine/dr. appts-2 of my kids are on VERY expensive medication that runs a few hundred a month (and I am sure there are things I am forgetting) it really adds up. Now, I know we are better off than most and am very grateful for what I have. But when you live in a community that has certain requirements (and I use that word on purpose-I am not even talking about fancy sheitels/jewelry, or those kinds of things) like making Pesach, tuition, every other Yom Tov, modest clothing, etc. it becomes very hard to support a larger family on what seems to be a large salary. Especially when you do not get help from anywhere. For example, when I have a baby in less than 2 months, I will only get 1 paycheck when I take maternity leave. Because that's the amount of sick days I have. We are trying to prepare now for that time but we NEED my paycheck. So it makes me wonder what other people do. Not for comparing's sake but it makes me wonder if other people find it hard. If we need help for something does that make us bad people for having jobs and still needing it? We don't take advantage of chesed or help but maybe that makes it look like we don't ever need it. And sometimes we do.
Anyway, that's my rant for now. Maybe it will help me feel better. Because I would like to feel better about all of these things. Maybe if I start sleeping it will help too. I have just been so uncomfortable lately, but that goes with the territory. I'm not even sure this whole post made sense in my sleep deprived state.
If you're reading this, hopefully you're less discouraged than me!
Showing posts with label over-analyze everything. Show all posts
Showing posts with label over-analyze everything. Show all posts
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Thursday, March 4, 2010
accountability, etc.
I'm finally getting around to writing about accountability.
This is a very important topic for me as it seems to rear it's ugly head almost daily in my life.
A few weeks ago after report cards came out some of my students had D's and F's on their report cards. Now, anyone who knows anything about special ed knows that it is really not ok to put those kinds of grades on a report card of an IEP student. Why? Because that usually means something is wrong in the IEP and it's not working. And usually I agree with that. I just don't see a lot of point in giving special ed students failing grades-they are already working extra hard.
But what about when the grades are already modified (changed to help the student succeed)? And they are receiving all the modifications and accommodations listed in their IEP? So, simply put they are just not doing the work that is expected of them. What happens then? Philosophically speaking, is giving them a passing grade in that situation appropriate? It's certainly not the way real life works.
Just to backtrack for a minute: I have mentioned before that I work in "the ghetto." (please don't be offended-my students call it that). And my students more than any other in the school are lacking so many things-money, family support(emotional), sometimes even food and clothes. So I understand that there are many factors that get in the way of their success. However, when do I stop making excuses for them and start to demand responsibility?
I truly feel that constantly lowering my expectations for responsibility does no one any good. It just continues the cycle of entitlement and the feeling that they don't have to try because there will be no real consequences for their actions. I think our society has completely enabled people with labels, people who fall in the special ed category. It's not a free pass. But I think that has trickled down from society. Students with disabilities need different things (hence, the individualized part of the IEP). Certainly they should have full and complete access to what they need. But that does not mean there are no consequences. Good or bad. Maybe the consequences will be different from others. But there are still certain results as a cause of specific actions. Whether or not it is because of a disability.
I'm getting a little off topic because I really want to focus on a situation that happened with a student that has an IEP but what happened is not a result of her disability. So here goes. An eighth grader I teach got a D in writing last quarter. I had been in touch with her parents over the course of that time (when she was missing assignments) and so it should not have been a surprise to them when she received that grade. Why did she get that grade? Simply because she did not turn in any work. Writing is difficult for her. However, she barely qualified for special ed services and organization is not an issue that is addressed in her IEP. And yet, the parents want to blame me and say that it is because I am not doing my job (they didn't actually say that, but it was implied). It is always easier to blame someone else than actually deal with the real problem. Anyway, besides the fact that I was personally offended (I work my butt off!!) they are doing their daughter such a disservice. She always has some sort of excuse why something isn't done (too noisy, couldn't finish it-the computer isn't working, etc.). She also tells her parents one thing and her teachers something different. So she is manipulative and trying to get out of work that she has to put more effort into to achieve a satisfactory result. She absolutely earned that grade. But am I not supposed to give it to her just because she has an IEP?
The grade stands and the principal supports me. And I documented myself well (note to teachers reading this-document, document, document so you CYA). There was a little more drama involved because they went behind my back to get sympathy and agreement from other staff members. However, it actually ended fine so far because it is not about me. It is about what is best for the student. Ultimately I want my students to be successful and however that needs to happen I will do it. But it is hard to do this job and feel like you are not helping, only enabling. I hate that.
Unfortunately, progress reports come out next week so the cycle will just repeat itself again. UGH. . . not looking forward.
Stepping off soapbox for now. . .
In some other news:
My sister had a baby boy on Sunday!!! Yay!! She made it to 36 1/2weeks! I'm going to the bris this weekend without any children. We'll see if I get to relax at all.
Little T lost her first tooth this week! She has a gap now in the bottom of her mouth.
Purim was low-key which is just the way I like it! I'll upload some pics soon!
Busy week and it is just getting busier as we move closer to Pesach!
This is a very important topic for me as it seems to rear it's ugly head almost daily in my life.
A few weeks ago after report cards came out some of my students had D's and F's on their report cards. Now, anyone who knows anything about special ed knows that it is really not ok to put those kinds of grades on a report card of an IEP student. Why? Because that usually means something is wrong in the IEP and it's not working. And usually I agree with that. I just don't see a lot of point in giving special ed students failing grades-they are already working extra hard.
But what about when the grades are already modified (changed to help the student succeed)? And they are receiving all the modifications and accommodations listed in their IEP? So, simply put they are just not doing the work that is expected of them. What happens then? Philosophically speaking, is giving them a passing grade in that situation appropriate? It's certainly not the way real life works.
Just to backtrack for a minute: I have mentioned before that I work in "the ghetto." (please don't be offended-my students call it that). And my students more than any other in the school are lacking so many things-money, family support(emotional), sometimes even food and clothes. So I understand that there are many factors that get in the way of their success. However, when do I stop making excuses for them and start to demand responsibility?
I truly feel that constantly lowering my expectations for responsibility does no one any good. It just continues the cycle of entitlement and the feeling that they don't have to try because there will be no real consequences for their actions. I think our society has completely enabled people with labels, people who fall in the special ed category. It's not a free pass. But I think that has trickled down from society. Students with disabilities need different things (hence, the individualized part of the IEP). Certainly they should have full and complete access to what they need. But that does not mean there are no consequences. Good or bad. Maybe the consequences will be different from others. But there are still certain results as a cause of specific actions. Whether or not it is because of a disability.
I'm getting a little off topic because I really want to focus on a situation that happened with a student that has an IEP but what happened is not a result of her disability. So here goes. An eighth grader I teach got a D in writing last quarter. I had been in touch with her parents over the course of that time (when she was missing assignments) and so it should not have been a surprise to them when she received that grade. Why did she get that grade? Simply because she did not turn in any work. Writing is difficult for her. However, she barely qualified for special ed services and organization is not an issue that is addressed in her IEP. And yet, the parents want to blame me and say that it is because I am not doing my job (they didn't actually say that, but it was implied). It is always easier to blame someone else than actually deal with the real problem. Anyway, besides the fact that I was personally offended (I work my butt off!!) they are doing their daughter such a disservice. She always has some sort of excuse why something isn't done (too noisy, couldn't finish it-the computer isn't working, etc.). She also tells her parents one thing and her teachers something different. So she is manipulative and trying to get out of work that she has to put more effort into to achieve a satisfactory result. She absolutely earned that grade. But am I not supposed to give it to her just because she has an IEP?
The grade stands and the principal supports me. And I documented myself well (note to teachers reading this-document, document, document so you CYA). There was a little more drama involved because they went behind my back to get sympathy and agreement from other staff members. However, it actually ended fine so far because it is not about me. It is about what is best for the student. Ultimately I want my students to be successful and however that needs to happen I will do it. But it is hard to do this job and feel like you are not helping, only enabling. I hate that.
Unfortunately, progress reports come out next week so the cycle will just repeat itself again. UGH. . . not looking forward.
Stepping off soapbox for now. . .
In some other news:
My sister had a baby boy on Sunday!!! Yay!! She made it to 36 1/2weeks! I'm going to the bris this weekend without any children. We'll see if I get to relax at all.
Little T lost her first tooth this week! She has a gap now in the bottom of her mouth.
Purim was low-key which is just the way I like it! I'll upload some pics soon!
Busy week and it is just getting busier as we move closer to Pesach!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I know I've been gone a long time
How have I let so much time go by since I last posted? I'm sorry to anyone who actually enjoys reading this. I haven't forgotten my blog. I've just been focusing on life a little bit these past few weeks.
Work has been pretty hectic. It's IEP season (which means tons of paperwork), and standardized test season AND spring fever seems to have come on a little early this year with the students!! No one wants to do any work (me included) so I have been doing a little convincing and A LOT of cajoling! Even in my own house the girls are itching to play outside, they are literally climbing the furniture on a daily basis. And they are not getting along well at all-because they are literally in each other's faces all the time. Having sisters is a having built in playmates, but they want to play together even when they are annoyed with each other. What's up with that?
We have also been feeling playdate/sleepover insanity!! The girls were asking soooooo much to have playdates and also sleepovers that we had to make a rule. NO playdates during the week! At all. And they have to stop asking. Maybe it sounds mean but it was taking over our lives and not in a good way. We are too busy during the week to add more distractions. Of course, I am happy that my daughters have friends. That is something we don't struggle with.
We also had parent-teacher conferences for the middle two girls, Lulu and Little T. They went so well! The girls are happy, they are learning, and the teachers are happy with them. Not even one complaint. When the teacher see something that could potentially become an issue, they find ways to problem solve with the child. Lulu has "concentration endurance" issues (she has a hard time completing a task for an extended time). But they build in breaks and allow her to work on other learning topics and then return to the original task. And when she completes her work, she is completing it well! Little T has really emerged as a leader and loves to learn. She is completing multiplication problems (with hands-on material) because she wants to and she understands it! She's only just turned 6. We walked out of the conferences feeling so good about our choice to send them to this school. We thought we made the right decision and the conferences really confirmed it. Yay! Now if we could only win the lottery so we could pay for it! Ha!
On a different topic, we recently had the opportunity to have some guests for Shabbos lunch at our house. A couple that we do not know well. They are recently married (within the year) and kinda, sorta invited themselves to our house. Although that in itself is an issue, let's forget about that. When the man spoke to my husband he said he had food allergies (food dye). Well, the lunch was set up for 3 weeks since the time we spoke at shul so we forgot about it for a while. Thursday of this past week I emailed the wife to find out if this was the week and if so, are they coming? She responded late that night saying yes, she was sorry she hadn't confirmed earlier in the week, she was emailing her husband's food guidelines. Food guidelines? What the heck does that mean?
I found out when I opened an attachment that was about a page long listing all the things he could not eat/ what he could eat. I am not joking-the list included such things as "will eat green beans but only with lots of flavor, so if steamed don't bother making them.'' It did also say things he couldn't eat: challah bought from the bakery (dye), pistachios, anything with msg (listed all the ways that could be listed in food items), margarine, chocolate, and it went on and on. There were also many vegetables he could not eat as well.
What do you think I did with this information? I immediately emailed her and then called her to say that the menu had already been planned and the food made. There was not one thing he could eat, based on the food we made (deli roll, cholent-has potatoes, kugels with marg, etc.). So I told her that. There were even pistachios in the salad we were having. She tried to figure out a way to still come, but while trying that did not offer to make food to bring with them (except rolls). During the course of the conversation, it did become clear that he is sensitive to much of this food-they are not all allergies.
Oh my gosh. Seriously? Can someone really think it is ok to give a list like that a night before shabbos? Or even at all? Honestly, I felt resentment and irritation. I don't normally read ingredients on items I buy. That is time intensive for me to do simply for one shabbos meal . It is also costly to buy things I don't usually buy (earth's something or other margarine). Why should I have to do that? Which leads me to the mitzva of hachnasas orchim (inviting guests). How far do I have to go? As far as I can tell, there is no real reason they NEED to go out for meals. It's not like a single person who can't cook for themselves. They have a home. I know I am assuming, but because I am so sensitive to others when I enter their homes, I feel like it is a total lack of sensitivity on their part to have those sorts of expectations about the food. Additionally, when I have guests in my home I am (maybe extra) sensitive to their needs and would not feel comfortable serving them food they can't eat.
I could very well be wrong. But my resentment is still there. And I don't think it's going away any time soon.
Whew, it felt better to get that off my chest!
I do just need to acknowledge that it has been a little more than a year since I started this blog. I really appreciate all the readers and all the readers that comment. I never thought I would like doing this but it really has become not just fun, but important to me.
Thank you, Thank you!
Work has been pretty hectic. It's IEP season (which means tons of paperwork), and standardized test season AND spring fever seems to have come on a little early this year with the students!! No one wants to do any work (me included) so I have been doing a little convincing and A LOT of cajoling! Even in my own house the girls are itching to play outside, they are literally climbing the furniture on a daily basis. And they are not getting along well at all-because they are literally in each other's faces all the time. Having sisters is a having built in playmates, but they want to play together even when they are annoyed with each other. What's up with that?
We have also been feeling playdate/sleepover insanity!! The girls were asking soooooo much to have playdates and also sleepovers that we had to make a rule. NO playdates during the week! At all. And they have to stop asking. Maybe it sounds mean but it was taking over our lives and not in a good way. We are too busy during the week to add more distractions. Of course, I am happy that my daughters have friends. That is something we don't struggle with.
We also had parent-teacher conferences for the middle two girls, Lulu and Little T. They went so well! The girls are happy, they are learning, and the teachers are happy with them. Not even one complaint. When the teacher see something that could potentially become an issue, they find ways to problem solve with the child. Lulu has "concentration endurance" issues (she has a hard time completing a task for an extended time). But they build in breaks and allow her to work on other learning topics and then return to the original task. And when she completes her work, she is completing it well! Little T has really emerged as a leader and loves to learn. She is completing multiplication problems (with hands-on material) because she wants to and she understands it! She's only just turned 6. We walked out of the conferences feeling so good about our choice to send them to this school. We thought we made the right decision and the conferences really confirmed it. Yay! Now if we could only win the lottery so we could pay for it! Ha!
On a different topic, we recently had the opportunity to have some guests for Shabbos lunch at our house. A couple that we do not know well. They are recently married (within the year) and kinda, sorta invited themselves to our house. Although that in itself is an issue, let's forget about that. When the man spoke to my husband he said he had food allergies (food dye). Well, the lunch was set up for 3 weeks since the time we spoke at shul so we forgot about it for a while. Thursday of this past week I emailed the wife to find out if this was the week and if so, are they coming? She responded late that night saying yes, she was sorry she hadn't confirmed earlier in the week, she was emailing her husband's food guidelines. Food guidelines? What the heck does that mean?
I found out when I opened an attachment that was about a page long listing all the things he could not eat/ what he could eat. I am not joking-the list included such things as "will eat green beans but only with lots of flavor, so if steamed don't bother making them.'' It did also say things he couldn't eat: challah bought from the bakery (dye), pistachios, anything with msg (listed all the ways that could be listed in food items), margarine, chocolate, and it went on and on. There were also many vegetables he could not eat as well.
What do you think I did with this information? I immediately emailed her and then called her to say that the menu had already been planned and the food made. There was not one thing he could eat, based on the food we made (deli roll, cholent-has potatoes, kugels with marg, etc.). So I told her that. There were even pistachios in the salad we were having. She tried to figure out a way to still come, but while trying that did not offer to make food to bring with them (except rolls). During the course of the conversation, it did become clear that he is sensitive to much of this food-they are not all allergies.
Oh my gosh. Seriously? Can someone really think it is ok to give a list like that a night before shabbos? Or even at all? Honestly, I felt resentment and irritation. I don't normally read ingredients on items I buy. That is time intensive for me to do simply for one shabbos meal . It is also costly to buy things I don't usually buy (earth's something or other margarine). Why should I have to do that? Which leads me to the mitzva of hachnasas orchim (inviting guests). How far do I have to go? As far as I can tell, there is no real reason they NEED to go out for meals. It's not like a single person who can't cook for themselves. They have a home. I know I am assuming, but because I am so sensitive to others when I enter their homes, I feel like it is a total lack of sensitivity on their part to have those sorts of expectations about the food. Additionally, when I have guests in my home I am (maybe extra) sensitive to their needs and would not feel comfortable serving them food they can't eat.
I could very well be wrong. But my resentment is still there. And I don't think it's going away any time soon.
Whew, it felt better to get that off my chest!
I do just need to acknowledge that it has been a little more than a year since I started this blog. I really appreciate all the readers and all the readers that comment. I never thought I would like doing this but it really has become not just fun, but important to me.
Thank you, Thank you!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
My opinion
A few posts ago I mentioned that I went to the Illinois Holocaust Museum and Education Center. I started writing this then and am attempting to finish it now. These are strictly my own opinions and my thoughts are still continuing to evolve.
Firstly, this is the second time I have been there. I went last spring as a chaperone with the 7th graders in my school. At that time I was impressed and pleased with the way they approach this topic with children. They have an interactive video game (has to do with strong v. weak) using animated frogs. I'm not describing it well but the message reached the kids. They heard a survivor speak (not of a concentration camp but he escaped the war as a young boy-do you use the word that way, I'm just curious?), and watched a movie about genocide as it relates to the world. I DID NOT see the main exhibit -it wasn't finished yet so I can't speak to that.
The recent time I went I did not see any of the museum, but was there for a professional development on the differences of Eastern v. Western Europe at the time of the Holocaust. The presentation was very well done and I learned a lot of facts that I previously did not know.
Now come the issues.
They provided dinner for those who attended the class but had NO KOSHER FOOD. I asked specifically and was told they served a "kosher style" meal and I was told that I could purchase a sandwich at their cafe-they carry some kosher sandwiches. I understand that most of the people who attend those meetings and go to the museum aren't Jewish or don't keep kosher, but what about those that do? Of all places I expected to be respected for mitzva observance. I mean my husband gets treated better than that at his work! They allow him to bring in kosher food for everyone, pay for a separate meal for him, etc. And he works for corporate America.
But all this food stuff led to a bigger issue in my mind. I am truly not trying to offend anyone, so I apologize in advance if I do-I know this is a touchy subject. It just really seems that they have removed the Judaism from being Jewish. Our belief system. Our religion. Where is that recognized? Are we a race, a culture only? Personally, I don't believe this to be true. We might be those but we also have a belief system. Other races (African-American, Hispanics, etc.) are all defined by cultural similarities but they don't all believe in the same ideologies. In order to identify yourself with Judaism (really and truly-not just by birth) you HAVE to have the belief in one G-D. That belief is a significant reason why we have been persecuted throughout the past. And that doesn't seem to be a focus. This Museum and Education Center has made this all about history. Their approach is intellectual, not emotional. And while I guess that has a place, I think that is a gross inservice to those that experienced the horror of that time.
As I have stated previously, these are just my perceptions. They do not reflect anyone else's views. Even though I started writing this post weeks ago, I am still feeling pretty emotional about it. It still just doesn't sit right with me.
What do you think? Am I way off in left field? Or do I make sense?
Firstly, this is the second time I have been there. I went last spring as a chaperone with the 7th graders in my school. At that time I was impressed and pleased with the way they approach this topic with children. They have an interactive video game (has to do with strong v. weak) using animated frogs. I'm not describing it well but the message reached the kids. They heard a survivor speak (not of a concentration camp but he escaped the war as a young boy-do you use the word that way, I'm just curious?), and watched a movie about genocide as it relates to the world. I DID NOT see the main exhibit -it wasn't finished yet so I can't speak to that.
The recent time I went I did not see any of the museum, but was there for a professional development on the differences of Eastern v. Western Europe at the time of the Holocaust. The presentation was very well done and I learned a lot of facts that I previously did not know.
Now come the issues.
They provided dinner for those who attended the class but had NO KOSHER FOOD. I asked specifically and was told they served a "kosher style" meal and I was told that I could purchase a sandwich at their cafe-they carry some kosher sandwiches. I understand that most of the people who attend those meetings and go to the museum aren't Jewish or don't keep kosher, but what about those that do? Of all places I expected to be respected for mitzva observance. I mean my husband gets treated better than that at his work! They allow him to bring in kosher food for everyone, pay for a separate meal for him, etc. And he works for corporate America.
But all this food stuff led to a bigger issue in my mind. I am truly not trying to offend anyone, so I apologize in advance if I do-I know this is a touchy subject. It just really seems that they have removed the Judaism from being Jewish. Our belief system. Our religion. Where is that recognized? Are we a race, a culture only? Personally, I don't believe this to be true. We might be those but we also have a belief system. Other races (African-American, Hispanics, etc.) are all defined by cultural similarities but they don't all believe in the same ideologies. In order to identify yourself with Judaism (really and truly-not just by birth) you HAVE to have the belief in one G-D. That belief is a significant reason why we have been persecuted throughout the past. And that doesn't seem to be a focus. This Museum and Education Center has made this all about history. Their approach is intellectual, not emotional. And while I guess that has a place, I think that is a gross inservice to those that experienced the horror of that time.
As I have stated previously, these are just my perceptions. They do not reflect anyone else's views. Even though I started writing this post weeks ago, I am still feeling pretty emotional about it. It still just doesn't sit right with me.
What do you think? Am I way off in left field? Or do I make sense?
Monday, December 14, 2009
Yikes!!
Even though it seems like I forgot about this blog, I really haven't!!
Just busy. Oh, and every time I come up with a topic it's usually when I am falling asleep and then I forget about my genius inspiration!! Like the acrostic I was making about snow.
Stupid
Nasty
Over the top
Weather
I think that was what I thought. But then I thought that I would prefer snow over 7 degree weather any day. I didn't want to dis snow too much. Because that bone-crushing cold that freezes your nose hairs just is too unpleasant!
------------------------
I might have previously mentioned that my 7th and 8th grade students are learning about he Holocaust. Last week the 8th graders participated in a very moving lesson that the language arts teacher planned. We put a quote up on the board from Charles Dent:
We passed out post-it notes and had the students write 3 ways they could improve or grow (and to be honest about it). I wrote one too. Then the students got up in front of the class and were able to share something they had written. Some kids apologized to specific peers that they previously made fun of. Others talked about taking responsibility for their actions, etc. You get the idea. My main focus on my post-it is that I that I need to learn how to be more assertive with my peers and colleagues. I am putting it out here so I can hold myself accountable. People who know my IRL know that I intensely dislike confrontation. (Funny that I picked special ed, where I confront children all day long-but that's a topic for a different time). I have recently realized that I also don't want to be disliked by others, so often I don't share something that is in disagreement with others. But that needs to change.
Just busy. Oh, and every time I come up with a topic it's usually when I am falling asleep and then I forget about my genius inspiration!! Like the acrostic I was making about snow.
Stupid
Nasty
Over the top
Weather
I think that was what I thought. But then I thought that I would prefer snow over 7 degree weather any day. I didn't want to dis snow too much. Because that bone-crushing cold that freezes your nose hairs just is too unpleasant!
------------------------
I might have previously mentioned that my 7th and 8th grade students are learning about he Holocaust. Last week the 8th graders participated in a very moving lesson that the language arts teacher planned. We put a quote up on the board from Charles Dent:
"We in the United States should be all the more thankful for the freedom and religious tolerance we enjoy. And we should always remember the lessons learned from the Holocaust, in hopes we stay vigilant against such inhumanity now and in the future. "
We passed out post-it notes and had the students write 3 ways they could improve or grow (and to be honest about it). I wrote one too. Then the students got up in front of the class and were able to share something they had written. Some kids apologized to specific peers that they previously made fun of. Others talked about taking responsibility for their actions, etc. You get the idea. My main focus on my post-it is that I that I need to learn how to be more assertive with my peers and colleagues. I am putting it out here so I can hold myself accountable. People who know my IRL know that I intensely dislike confrontation. (Funny that I picked special ed, where I confront children all day long-but that's a topic for a different time). I have recently realized that I also don't want to be disliked by others, so often I don't share something that is in disagreement with others. But that needs to change.
I have already had 2 opportunities at work to improve on this character trait. One involved advocating for my students involving a potentially harmful situation. I wrote an assertive e-mail (with assistance!) and that spurred the powers that be to take action. I will admit to feeling proud of myself about that.
The other situation was simply a difference of opinion with a general ed teacher. Which will always be the case-we are coming from 2 different viewpoints. And in a school setting it is good and puts a balance in the system to have both those viewpoints. But I felt uncomfortable speaking my opinion. But I did it. And I am learning not to care so much about what others think of me. (I should be past this at 32 years old, but I guess there is always room to change)!
It's always nice when the topics I am teaching apply to me as well!
I'll end now-I am rushing off to a professional development (tons of meetings lately).
But remind me to tell you my complaint about the Holocaust museum (I had a meeting there last week).
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Shiny. Purple. Boots.
Just to take care of some business from my last post-finna basically means "I'm fixing to. . . " Although it is used in many different ways and doesn't always seem to make sense to my ears. I have to keep up with the slang so I know what my students are saying!
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Ok, new topic. This is funny because it is not what I planned to write about. But I saw something I considered funny/ridiculous when I was leaving Jewel yesterday and I think I just need to share.
I saw a frum (religious) Jewish woman walking to her car. Of course, I looked at what she was wearing (don't we always do that?) and was quite surprised at what I saw. (I don't know her so I am assuming she doesn't read this blog-I think she is from NY, so I feel safe writing this). If you know her, I'm sure she is a very nice person. Anyway, she was wearing all black with a shiny purple belt. That was fine. Until I looked at her shoes. Knee-high. Very Shiny. Bright Purple Boots. They matched the belt of course.
She looked like a streetwalker. Is that the nice way to say it these days? Hooker? Call girl?
Which then made me wonder: did she know that is what she looked like and didn't care? Or was she totally naive and not know and just think they were pretty?
I happen to like clothes. A lot. I have a walk-in closet full and always feel like I could buy more (much to my husband's dismay). I like trendy things and like to stay in style. Sometimes that leads me to make poor decisions about what I buy. Like the red pleather jacket (bad thrift store find). Or the hand-knitted sweater and skirt combo (again bad thrift store find). But I usually manage not wear them-someone stops me from making a fool of myself. But those clothes, as tacky as they are, are NOT slutty. I firmly believe there is a line between form fitting clothes and slutty clothes.
Clothes define who we are more often than not. Some people don't care what they look like and you can tell that just by looking. Some people have the latest trends as soon as they come out. Both of those styles send a specific message. Boots like that send a specific message. At least I think they do. Even though this girl was totally covered (modesty-wise) she still looked trashy to me. Is that possible? Those boots were just calling out for attention.
I think I am especially sensitive to this issue because I work with middle school boys. Who are, ahem, thinking about only one thing. Everyone knows what that is, right? And if you don't, you must have your head in the sand. But the girl students that I work with, more often than not, come dressed in clothes that are inappropriate for their bodies. We do have a uniform code, but even when they follow that they can still look hoochie (I am using a lot of words I wouldn't really use in real life-don't judge). Ultimately, as I am writing this I think it comes down to respect. Respect of your body. When you send a message to the world that you don't respect your body, why should anyone else?
__________________
Ok, new topic. This is funny because it is not what I planned to write about. But I saw something I considered funny/ridiculous when I was leaving Jewel yesterday and I think I just need to share.
I saw a frum (religious) Jewish woman walking to her car. Of course, I looked at what she was wearing (don't we always do that?) and was quite surprised at what I saw. (I don't know her so I am assuming she doesn't read this blog-I think she is from NY, so I feel safe writing this). If you know her, I'm sure she is a very nice person. Anyway, she was wearing all black with a shiny purple belt. That was fine. Until I looked at her shoes. Knee-high. Very Shiny. Bright Purple Boots. They matched the belt of course.
She looked like a streetwalker. Is that the nice way to say it these days? Hooker? Call girl?
Which then made me wonder: did she know that is what she looked like and didn't care? Or was she totally naive and not know and just think they were pretty?
I happen to like clothes. A lot. I have a walk-in closet full and always feel like I could buy more (much to my husband's dismay). I like trendy things and like to stay in style. Sometimes that leads me to make poor decisions about what I buy. Like the red pleather jacket (bad thrift store find). Or the hand-knitted sweater and skirt combo (again bad thrift store find). But I usually manage not wear them-someone stops me from making a fool of myself. But those clothes, as tacky as they are, are NOT slutty. I firmly believe there is a line between form fitting clothes and slutty clothes.
Clothes define who we are more often than not. Some people don't care what they look like and you can tell that just by looking. Some people have the latest trends as soon as they come out. Both of those styles send a specific message. Boots like that send a specific message. At least I think they do. Even though this girl was totally covered (modesty-wise) she still looked trashy to me. Is that possible? Those boots were just calling out for attention.
I think I am especially sensitive to this issue because I work with middle school boys. Who are, ahem, thinking about only one thing. Everyone knows what that is, right? And if you don't, you must have your head in the sand. But the girl students that I work with, more often than not, come dressed in clothes that are inappropriate for their bodies. We do have a uniform code, but even when they follow that they can still look hoochie (I am using a lot of words I wouldn't really use in real life-don't judge). Ultimately, as I am writing this I think it comes down to respect. Respect of your body. When you send a message to the world that you don't respect your body, why should anyone else?
As frum Jews, I really believe that even if clothing follows the modesty to the"letter of the law" there is also the spirit in which it is worn. And I do think you can be immodest even when you are all covered up.
Please don't think I am writing this because I think I dress perfectly. Because I don't. I have my own challenges with things I want to wear that are borderline. But those boots just struck a nerve. And while I am far, far from perfect I do try to be cognizant and aware of my clothes and how they might affect other people around me.
Ok, enough preachy talk for today. Go enjoy the beautiful weather we are having because it only lasts a minute in Chi-town!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Struggling. . . and then not (so much)
I've been meaning to write for days (does every post of mine start this way?) but time really got away from me this past week. Besides for the fact that it was Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur was coming up, I had to give a presentation to all the other teachers at my school about differentiated instruction at work on Friday ( and I was really nervous).
So I've been kinda busy.
I really want to talk about R"H and Y"K. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this. And if I am that's fine and I'll be my own support group of one. But since I've had kids, I always find it hard to move (my head) back and forth from the mundane to the spiritual. The physical acts of taking care of kids seems to leave me no room to feel the spirituality of the day.
On R"H it was really hard. Our schedule was really thrown off, I didn't have a seat in shul, the shofar blowing was not good (both because the person blowing and the fact that EVERYONE brought their noisy kids into shul-I did not). It was not the best of holidays for me. I have been known to be resentful and grouchy on such days. I don't mind taking care of the kids, but I should also be a perfect Jew and daven and have kavanah (concentration)-that just seems too hard.
Y"K is always hard depending on how well I fast. I am an inconsistent faster, sometimes I fast great and sometimes I throw up and get headaches. Luckily, this time I fasted well. But I did not attempt to go to shul or even daven until 4 pm. And the reason for that? Besides the fact that my children were fighting every 10 minutes, I just wasn't feeling it. Fasting had to be enough at that point. But that afternoon, I felt like I should daven. So I did. I said Mincha, Neilah, and some extra tefilos (prayers) while my children pulled on my clothes, tattletaled on each other, and I even pushed the baby in the stroller at one point.
I can't force myself to feel something I don't. I do think the awareness of "not feeling" or "not feeling the way I am supposed to feel" is a bit of feeling itself. Confused? So am I. But this is it. Being so immersed in the physical world takes it's toll. Am I crazy? Do other people feel this way? I was feeling really discouraged about it yesterday until I davened and tried to feel some of the meaning of the day.
I am still discouraged. But I am trying to forgive myself a little bit and just be the best person I can be-as a Jew, as a mom, as a wife, and as a teacher.
---------------
I haven't gotten the book yet, maybe today? When I get it I will give everyone a timeline.
So I've been kinda busy.
I really want to talk about R"H and Y"K. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this. And if I am that's fine and I'll be my own support group of one. But since I've had kids, I always find it hard to move (my head) back and forth from the mundane to the spiritual. The physical acts of taking care of kids seems to leave me no room to feel the spirituality of the day.
On R"H it was really hard. Our schedule was really thrown off, I didn't have a seat in shul, the shofar blowing was not good (both because the person blowing and the fact that EVERYONE brought their noisy kids into shul-I did not). It was not the best of holidays for me. I have been known to be resentful and grouchy on such days. I don't mind taking care of the kids, but I should also be a perfect Jew and daven and have kavanah (concentration)-that just seems too hard.
Y"K is always hard depending on how well I fast. I am an inconsistent faster, sometimes I fast great and sometimes I throw up and get headaches. Luckily, this time I fasted well. But I did not attempt to go to shul or even daven until 4 pm. And the reason for that? Besides the fact that my children were fighting every 10 minutes, I just wasn't feeling it. Fasting had to be enough at that point. But that afternoon, I felt like I should daven. So I did. I said Mincha, Neilah, and some extra tefilos (prayers) while my children pulled on my clothes, tattletaled on each other, and I even pushed the baby in the stroller at one point.
I can't force myself to feel something I don't. I do think the awareness of "not feeling" or "not feeling the way I am supposed to feel" is a bit of feeling itself. Confused? So am I. But this is it. Being so immersed in the physical world takes it's toll. Am I crazy? Do other people feel this way? I was feeling really discouraged about it yesterday until I davened and tried to feel some of the meaning of the day.
I am still discouraged. But I am trying to forgive myself a little bit and just be the best person I can be-as a Jew, as a mom, as a wife, and as a teacher.
---------------
I haven't gotten the book yet, maybe today? When I get it I will give everyone a timeline.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
My LOVE affair with reading
Based on all the comments from my last post, I started thinking about why I enjoy reading so much. I am so passionate about reading and one of my favorite things to ask new people I meet is what they are reading. It helps me understand them, their likes and dislikes, and learn if we might have anything in common.
I have been this way ever since I can remember. As a kid I used to carry a book with me everywhere I went. Out to dinner with family, a car ride, it didn't matter. As a young girl, it wasn't unheard of for me to leave the library with 16 books in my arms, staggering to the car. I would hide from my mom in the bathroom reading. I would stay up late into the night reading. I would wake up in the morning and start reading.
Over the years, I have changed a little. I can't stay up late to read and it's not the first thing I do in the morning. But I still fit reading into my life. I always carry a book with me wherever I go, sometimes I carry 2 if I can't decide which one to read. I read even if I only have 5 minutes. I also hoard books because I will plan to read them someday.
It's hard for me to put into words why I like reading. It's solitary, it's escape, it's learning about new things all rolled into one activity.
And since I love talking and analyzing it stands to reason that I would love combining talking and reading together into a book club. So I am open to suggestions to start a book club. Leave me a comment with any suggestions on how to start one, pick books, discuss, or anything you feel strongly about. Anyone can participate!
I can't wait to get started!!
I have been this way ever since I can remember. As a kid I used to carry a book with me everywhere I went. Out to dinner with family, a car ride, it didn't matter. As a young girl, it wasn't unheard of for me to leave the library with 16 books in my arms, staggering to the car. I would hide from my mom in the bathroom reading. I would stay up late into the night reading. I would wake up in the morning and start reading.
Over the years, I have changed a little. I can't stay up late to read and it's not the first thing I do in the morning. But I still fit reading into my life. I always carry a book with me wherever I go, sometimes I carry 2 if I can't decide which one to read. I read even if I only have 5 minutes. I also hoard books because I will plan to read them someday.
It's hard for me to put into words why I like reading. It's solitary, it's escape, it's learning about new things all rolled into one activity.
And since I love talking and analyzing it stands to reason that I would love combining talking and reading together into a book club. So I am open to suggestions to start a book club. Leave me a comment with any suggestions on how to start one, pick books, discuss, or anything you feel strongly about. Anyone can participate!
I can't wait to get started!!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Worrywart
Disclaimer: Although I would like to have some personal life and not air all my dirty laundry on this blog, I think it will benefit me to write about this.
This week has been rough so far and it isn't even finished yet. My husband's grandfather passed away Monday evening and Y flew out at 2 am to get to California where the funeral would be.
And I lost it.
I feel pulled in so many directions and have so many things going on at the same time. I need help just to manage my everyday life. I am not a person who is supermom, super employee, super volunteer all at the same time. When my husband left so suddenly I felt bereft and lost. My anxiety overtook me.
I have always been a worrier. I can worry about big things just as easily as little things.
You get the idea. I read directions 12x before I drive someplace unfamiliar. I try to anticipate every situation so I can be prepared. I am not spontaneous, don't like surprises (even good ones), and am really not a flexible person. I pretend to be but I like advance notice and being warned ahead of time. So, even though Y's grandfather was on hospice and we knew it was coming soon I was still shocked. Shocked that it happened and shocked that Y would leave so quickly. And it triggered anxiety that I have never,ever before felt so physically.
I will spare you all the gory details but the anxiety just took over. I couldn't do anything else-it was paralyzing. I had a really hard time breathing and thinking. It felt like a rock was on my chest, I could only take shallow breaths. I had to sit down.
So, how to manage this? It seems I have a predisposition to being uptight and anxious about details (life). Someone recommended a book to me called Garden of Emunah (faith). Which I am going to read and post about at a later date. But it does bring up an interesting point. I know that Hashem controls everything AND that everything happens for a reason. But I only seem to know it with my head and not my heart. I don't FEEL it the way that I should. If I did, then I would be able to shrug things off and give the worry back to Hashem.
Well, maybe the book will help me get to that point. And I know I am oversimplifying things-emunah (faith/trust) is more complicated than the way I am explaining it.
I am done being brutually honest, for now. Thank G-d Y is coming home tonight!
This week has been rough so far and it isn't even finished yet. My husband's grandfather passed away Monday evening and Y flew out at 2 am to get to California where the funeral would be.
And I lost it.
I feel pulled in so many directions and have so many things going on at the same time. I need help just to manage my everyday life. I am not a person who is supermom, super employee, super volunteer all at the same time. When my husband left so suddenly I felt bereft and lost. My anxiety overtook me.
I have always been a worrier. I can worry about big things just as easily as little things.
"What will the kids wear on Shabbos?"
"What should I make for dinner?"
"What if my boss doesn't like me?"
"What if someone I love gets sick?"
You get the idea. I read directions 12x before I drive someplace unfamiliar. I try to anticipate every situation so I can be prepared. I am not spontaneous, don't like surprises (even good ones), and am really not a flexible person. I pretend to be but I like advance notice and being warned ahead of time. So, even though Y's grandfather was on hospice and we knew it was coming soon I was still shocked. Shocked that it happened and shocked that Y would leave so quickly. And it triggered anxiety that I have never,ever before felt so physically.
I will spare you all the gory details but the anxiety just took over. I couldn't do anything else-it was paralyzing. I had a really hard time breathing and thinking. It felt like a rock was on my chest, I could only take shallow breaths. I had to sit down.
So, how to manage this? It seems I have a predisposition to being uptight and anxious about details (life). Someone recommended a book to me called Garden of Emunah (faith). Which I am going to read and post about at a later date. But it does bring up an interesting point. I know that Hashem controls everything AND that everything happens for a reason. But I only seem to know it with my head and not my heart. I don't FEEL it the way that I should. If I did, then I would be able to shrug things off and give the worry back to Hashem.
Well, maybe the book will help me get to that point. And I know I am oversimplifying things-emunah (faith/trust) is more complicated than the way I am explaining it.
I am done being brutually honest, for now. Thank G-d Y is coming home tonight!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Skeptical
Lately I have been telling lots of people that I blog.
Their responses have been pretty telling-those who don't blog don't think much of the blogging world. They can be downright skeptical. In fact, I had the same response just a few short months ago. I didn't understand or see the point of blogging.
But my views have changed a lot since I started reading blogs and then starting my own.
I am a naturally nosy person so reading blogs about other people's lives fits right in line with my nosiness. It was just a matter of time.
On the other hand, I actually hated writing when I was in school. I looooove to read and talk about books but I couldn't stand putting my own ideas on paper. I could never find the right words and I hated having to write a specific length just to get a good grade. Who had time for verb tenses or not using the word "you" in your paper?
I am reformed however. Writing this blog has helped me process things in my life that I would normally whine about or just gloss over. It has encouraged me to be "present" (my sister the yoga teacher is constantly encouraging this) during moments both big and small throughout my life. (Usually so I can write about them later).
I am reflecting more on those moments which brings me clarity and is what I like to call "free therapy." I feel calmer and more at peace with things as I write about them. And I get support from people I know and from people I don't. That support is huge, otherwise I could just write in a journal and keep it hidden.
I am also proud of what I write. Sometimes I read what I wrote a few times; I feel like I am in love with words I wrote. Maybe I sound a little crazy, does anybody else do this? Re-read what they wrote just because they like the way they said something? I have never considered writing one of my strengths and so when I write something I consider "good" I like to enjoy it and read it over a few thousand times.
So to all those skeptics out there: don't knock it until you try it!
Their responses have been pretty telling-those who don't blog don't think much of the blogging world. They can be downright skeptical. In fact, I had the same response just a few short months ago. I didn't understand or see the point of blogging.
But my views have changed a lot since I started reading blogs and then starting my own.
I am a naturally nosy person so reading blogs about other people's lives fits right in line with my nosiness. It was just a matter of time.
On the other hand, I actually hated writing when I was in school. I looooove to read and talk about books but I couldn't stand putting my own ideas on paper. I could never find the right words and I hated having to write a specific length just to get a good grade. Who had time for verb tenses or not using the word "you" in your paper?
I am reformed however. Writing this blog has helped me process things in my life that I would normally whine about or just gloss over. It has encouraged me to be "present" (my sister the yoga teacher is constantly encouraging this) during moments both big and small throughout my life. (Usually so I can write about them later).
I am reflecting more on those moments which brings me clarity and is what I like to call "free therapy." I feel calmer and more at peace with things as I write about them. And I get support from people I know and from people I don't. That support is huge, otherwise I could just write in a journal and keep it hidden.
I am also proud of what I write. Sometimes I read what I wrote a few times; I feel like I am in love with words I wrote. Maybe I sound a little crazy, does anybody else do this? Re-read what they wrote just because they like the way they said something? I have never considered writing one of my strengths and so when I write something I consider "good" I like to enjoy it and read it over a few thousand times.
So to all those skeptics out there: don't knock it until you try it!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
It's a Diffferent World, than where you come from
Cue the music. . . Maybe this is an obscure reference but anyone who watched the sitcom "A Different World" in the 90's would know that it was part of their theme song.
I had an interesting conversation with a student today that really reminded me that even though we live in the same city, we really live in 2 DIFFERENT worlds. I am going to provide a little background because even if you know what I do, you might not really know.
I am a special education resource/inclusion teacher for students in grades 5th-8th. That means I pull kids out to help them and I also go into classrooms to help them and the teacher. I write IEP's, test students, and go to meetings. My students have many different diagnoses. They vary including but not limited to: learning disabled, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and other mental health diagnoses. I work in an urban public school that is primarily African-American and Hispanic. Many of my students get free or reduced lunch and the only food they eat for the day are the meals the school provides.
I have always known that we occupy 2 different worlds. I am married (many of their parents are not) and am part of a 2 parent household. I live my life according to religious principles which influence my values, morals, and ethics. These kids live by one word: SURVIVE (out on the streets). Whatever you need to do survive, that is how you live.
Today's conversation was even more eye-opening. Without going into any specifics or identifying details, an 8th grader told me that if the doesn't graduate 8th grade(he will have to go to an achievement academy-sort of preliminary high school) he will drop out. He continued talking and said that he is in an afterschool program( I think he is court-ordered to go, assume what you will) and he said that out of the 7 other boys that are there, half of them will be dead and the other half in jail in 10 years time. This was stated in a matter of fact way. This is his expectation for his life , his future. I told him it didn't have to be that way. His reply: "Mrs. B, everyone dies or goes to jail." Uh, not quite. However, in his reality that is probably true. Scary. I have been working this profession for years-it takes a lot to rattle me. The way he was describing his life RATTLED me.
He doesn't think he has choices. He doesn't think those choices influence his future. But he does and they do! It's pretty normal teenage behavior to think you are invincible. To think you can get away with things. But the stakes are so much higher when gangs, drugs, and violence are involved.
What I struggle with: How do I make him understand this? How do I help him see this? I am left with this feeling of failure about this boy who could make something of his life. The irony is that he is smart and very capable of learning. But already by 8th grade (probably even earlier) the streets have caught him.
I care about my students so much. Sometimes more than they care about themselves. Sometimes more than their parents or guardians care about them. I want the best for them but sometimes it feels like we live on different planets that speak different languages. I wish I could speak their language so they could understand.
I had an interesting conversation with a student today that really reminded me that even though we live in the same city, we really live in 2 DIFFERENT worlds. I am going to provide a little background because even if you know what I do, you might not really know.
I am a special education resource/inclusion teacher for students in grades 5th-8th. That means I pull kids out to help them and I also go into classrooms to help them and the teacher. I write IEP's, test students, and go to meetings. My students have many different diagnoses. They vary including but not limited to: learning disabled, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and other mental health diagnoses. I work in an urban public school that is primarily African-American and Hispanic. Many of my students get free or reduced lunch and the only food they eat for the day are the meals the school provides.
I have always known that we occupy 2 different worlds. I am married (many of their parents are not) and am part of a 2 parent household. I live my life according to religious principles which influence my values, morals, and ethics. These kids live by one word: SURVIVE (out on the streets). Whatever you need to do survive, that is how you live.
Today's conversation was even more eye-opening. Without going into any specifics or identifying details, an 8th grader told me that if the doesn't graduate 8th grade(he will have to go to an achievement academy-sort of preliminary high school) he will drop out. He continued talking and said that he is in an afterschool program( I think he is court-ordered to go, assume what you will) and he said that out of the 7 other boys that are there, half of them will be dead and the other half in jail in 10 years time. This was stated in a matter of fact way. This is his expectation for his life , his future. I told him it didn't have to be that way. His reply: "Mrs. B, everyone dies or goes to jail." Uh, not quite. However, in his reality that is probably true. Scary. I have been working this profession for years-it takes a lot to rattle me. The way he was describing his life RATTLED me.
He doesn't think he has choices. He doesn't think those choices influence his future. But he does and they do! It's pretty normal teenage behavior to think you are invincible. To think you can get away with things. But the stakes are so much higher when gangs, drugs, and violence are involved.
What I struggle with: How do I make him understand this? How do I help him see this? I am left with this feeling of failure about this boy who could make something of his life. The irony is that he is smart and very capable of learning. But already by 8th grade (probably even earlier) the streets have caught him.
I care about my students so much. Sometimes more than they care about themselves. Sometimes more than their parents or guardians care about them. I want the best for them but sometimes it feels like we live on different planets that speak different languages. I wish I could speak their language so they could understand.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Hot and Heavy, topic that is
Ok, I'm sure that what I am going to write about will stir up some controversy, just writing the title alone made me think twice. But I decided to go with it. The controversy that could result is just a by-product, NOT the purpose of this post. But I really feel like I need to get these thoughts I am having off my chest. That IS a reason that I started this blog.
Religion. That's what I want to talk about. And not just my religion. Which is why I think I might offend some people even though it is NOT at all my intention.
I have been reading other blogs on various topics that openly declare their faith. I think that is great. Talking and sharing about faith and beliefs help make up a person's essence and helps define who they are. For me, that is a reason to read blogs; I like reading about other people and learning new things. Also, I am nosy. I like glimpses into other people's worlds and their belief system is part of that.
However, what I don't understand or "get" is why other religions feel the need to make others believe the same way as they do. Why is my faith not as "good" as yours? Why do I have to be exactly like you? Diversity, including the fact that people practice many religions, are reasons to promote tolerance. Have good values. Live a moral life. When I speak about Judaism (to people who are not Jewish) it is not to tell people that they should be like me or that my way is the ONLY way. It is to educate and show that there is another way that people believe in G-D. I think it is important to be mindful that there are many belief systems that exist in the world and many ways to have a close relationship with G-D.
I chose to live the lifestyle of a religious Jew. I am not religious because I grew up that way or because it was the only lifestyle I knew. I had to make some hard choices that still continue to have consequences throughout my life. But I felt that I needed to live this way ( keep kosher, keep shabbos, etc.) in order to have the relationship with G-D that I wanted and needed. Maybe my background makes me too open-minded. I grew up in a small town where I was pretty much the only Jewish person in my grade. Passover? What's that? Chanukah, there was a little more exposure to because X-mas is around that time. I remember standing in front my class and telling everyone about these holidays and more. And not one time was I ever teased about being Jewish. I was teased about plenty of other things (I am very short-and my maiden name was Elfman, need I say more?). But I don't have any recollection of anyone making a rude comment about not having the same belief system as everyone else.
Another situation occurred recently. During this Pesach (Passover) holiday we are allowed to cook (unlike the Sabbath). However, our oven has an automatic shut-off after 12 hours and the holiday days were 2 days long. So after asking a Rabbi, we are allowed to get a non-Jew to turn on our oven. I asked my friend (love you E!) and she came over and turned on the oven. Well, she mentioned it to one of her relatives and he made a comment about how I am sending her to hell instead of me. And at first I didn't get it. What? Then I realized that he thinks that we consider everyone the same. And that is not true. I would never ask someone to do something that is wrong morally or ethically, or to do something that I would not do myself. But E had no obligation not to cook because she isn't Jewish. And she is not going to hell just because she is not Jewish. That is the obvious difference-we don't believe that everyone is supposed to be Jewish.
Of course, I am not any sort of authority on Jewish matters, so please correct me if I am wrong. I am just speaking my opinion and what I know to be true in my own life. Ok, getting off my soapbox. I hope I made sense. Lots of different viewpoints out there-Let me know what you think!
Religion. That's what I want to talk about. And not just my religion. Which is why I think I might offend some people even though it is NOT at all my intention.
I have been reading other blogs on various topics that openly declare their faith. I think that is great. Talking and sharing about faith and beliefs help make up a person's essence and helps define who they are. For me, that is a reason to read blogs; I like reading about other people and learning new things. Also, I am nosy. I like glimpses into other people's worlds and their belief system is part of that.
However, what I don't understand or "get" is why other religions feel the need to make others believe the same way as they do. Why is my faith not as "good" as yours? Why do I have to be exactly like you? Diversity, including the fact that people practice many religions, are reasons to promote tolerance. Have good values. Live a moral life. When I speak about Judaism (to people who are not Jewish) it is not to tell people that they should be like me or that my way is the ONLY way. It is to educate and show that there is another way that people believe in G-D. I think it is important to be mindful that there are many belief systems that exist in the world and many ways to have a close relationship with G-D.
I chose to live the lifestyle of a religious Jew. I am not religious because I grew up that way or because it was the only lifestyle I knew. I had to make some hard choices that still continue to have consequences throughout my life. But I felt that I needed to live this way ( keep kosher, keep shabbos, etc.) in order to have the relationship with G-D that I wanted and needed. Maybe my background makes me too open-minded. I grew up in a small town where I was pretty much the only Jewish person in my grade. Passover? What's that? Chanukah, there was a little more exposure to because X-mas is around that time. I remember standing in front my class and telling everyone about these holidays and more. And not one time was I ever teased about being Jewish. I was teased about plenty of other things (I am very short-and my maiden name was Elfman, need I say more?). But I don't have any recollection of anyone making a rude comment about not having the same belief system as everyone else.
Another situation occurred recently. During this Pesach (Passover) holiday we are allowed to cook (unlike the Sabbath). However, our oven has an automatic shut-off after 12 hours and the holiday days were 2 days long. So after asking a Rabbi, we are allowed to get a non-Jew to turn on our oven. I asked my friend (love you E!) and she came over and turned on the oven. Well, she mentioned it to one of her relatives and he made a comment about how I am sending her to hell instead of me. And at first I didn't get it. What? Then I realized that he thinks that we consider everyone the same. And that is not true. I would never ask someone to do something that is wrong morally or ethically, or to do something that I would not do myself. But E had no obligation not to cook because she isn't Jewish. And she is not going to hell just because she is not Jewish. That is the obvious difference-we don't believe that everyone is supposed to be Jewish.
Of course, I am not any sort of authority on Jewish matters, so please correct me if I am wrong. I am just speaking my opinion and what I know to be true in my own life. Ok, getting off my soapbox. I hope I made sense. Lots of different viewpoints out there-Let me know what you think!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Overwhelmingly overwhelmed!
I wasn't going to post anything today but I think maybe if I get these thoughts out I will feel better.
I am overwhelmed. Here is my list of why:
1. Purim-shaloch manos. I have the idea of what to give out and it is simple but just actually implementing it makes me want to crawl in bed under the covers and not come out.
2. I think my kids don't have school next Wednesday and I just realized it last night. What am I going to do with them? Who is going to watch them?
3. I need to find a babysitter for baby M and Little T when my regular babysitter has a baby which is probably happening in 2 weeks.
4. Pesach is rapidly approaching and my house is a disaster area! How will I ever get it ready in time? I can barely cook, do laundry, and wash dishes on a regular basis. I will probably have to call in some reinforcements.
I know there are more items for this list but these are the biggies. I have been living in denial about the babysitter situation and it is not pleasant to leave that comfy fantasy place (in my head) where everything in my life always goes smoothly!
I am overwhelmed. Here is my list of why:
1. Purim-shaloch manos. I have the idea of what to give out and it is simple but just actually implementing it makes me want to crawl in bed under the covers and not come out.
2. I think my kids don't have school next Wednesday and I just realized it last night. What am I going to do with them? Who is going to watch them?
3. I need to find a babysitter for baby M and Little T when my regular babysitter has a baby which is probably happening in 2 weeks.
4. Pesach is rapidly approaching and my house is a disaster area! How will I ever get it ready in time? I can barely cook, do laundry, and wash dishes on a regular basis. I will probably have to call in some reinforcements.
I know there are more items for this list but these are the biggies. I have been living in denial about the babysitter situation and it is not pleasant to leave that comfy fantasy place (in my head) where everything in my life always goes smoothly!
Other factors contributing to my overwhelmed state of being:
Lately, I have been feeling anxious about things I have said or done. One of the things contributing to my anxiety is leaving comments on other people's blogs. I worry that I haven't said the "right" thing. Or that it can be misconstrued. The computer is such an impersonal and imperfect way to communicate-I find difficult to convey tone and meaning. Part of the reason I worry is that I don't want to offend anyone, in real life I usually only share strong opinions with people who know me well. And I am new to this and worry that sometimes people don't understand what I mean. Does anyone else ever feel this?
Or am I crazy?
It's ok, you can tell me. I can take it.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I'm going on a trip! And other reflections
Tomorrow morning (or really the middle of the night) I am going on a plane with just the baby! I am going to visit my sister and and parents on the East Coast. And even though it's not exotic or especially warm there I am excited! I never get to go anywhere without kids tagging along so this is truly a treat. Yitzy is watching the other 3 for the whole time!
Ok, because I can make this blog any way I want I am going to switch the topic now. I have recently done some personal introspection which led me to a realization about myself. I have a hard time ending things, especially conversations. This means I usually keep talking until I find some roundabout way to extricate myself from excruciating small talk that means nothing.
Does this happen to other people or am I the only one with this weird problem?
I usually feel embarrassed after the fact, after I have run through the conversation in my head a few thousand times. And of course I always seem to have this problem of talking too much when I am trying to impress someone, like my boss. Why do I do this? I don't know. I would guess it is because of nervousness-when I am nervous I always talk a lot. Some people would even say too much. But I just can't seem to help it.
And then I feel really self-conscious, which makes me nervous, then I talk a lot and there goes the vicious cycle all over again! I hope when people get to know me they just think it's cute. Because I certainly don't want to be THAT person that no one wants to talk to.
Oh well. I guess I'm just one of those people who has a lot to say.
Ok, because I can make this blog any way I want I am going to switch the topic now. I have recently done some personal introspection which led me to a realization about myself. I have a hard time ending things, especially conversations. This means I usually keep talking until I find some roundabout way to extricate myself from excruciating small talk that means nothing.
Does this happen to other people or am I the only one with this weird problem?
I usually feel embarrassed after the fact, after I have run through the conversation in my head a few thousand times. And of course I always seem to have this problem of talking too much when I am trying to impress someone, like my boss. Why do I do this? I don't know. I would guess it is because of nervousness-when I am nervous I always talk a lot. Some people would even say too much. But I just can't seem to help it.
And then I feel really self-conscious, which makes me nervous, then I talk a lot and there goes the vicious cycle all over again! I hope when people get to know me they just think it's cute. Because I certainly don't want to be THAT person that no one wants to talk to.
Oh well. I guess I'm just one of those people who has a lot to say.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Huh?
Things I don't understand:
1. Why my adolescent students (boys) wear their pants around their knees. When did it become cool to show your underwear?
2. How my children are braver than I am. When Yitzy caught a mouse they wanted to see it and they talked about how cute it was and how mice are ok, just not in our house. I am scared to go near it, look at it, and if you even mention the word mouse I cringe. I would really prefer to go get a room in a hotel if there is even the thought of a mouse in my house.
3. Why my children will eat all sorts of raw vegetables (mushrooms even) but as soon as they are cooked or put with something else they absolutely refuse to touch it.
4. How I can tell my students twelve thousand times that I am Jewish and they still ask if I celebrate X-mas when I have answered it the same way every single time (these kids are 8th graders). Then they ask me if I celebrate birthdays. Don't even get me started on the conversation we had about keeping kosher!
5. How my printer at work was working great until the computer teacher asked me how it was working, I said wonderful and now it is acting up. Why?
6. How I have a sweater obsession and I hate cold weather. Maybe I just hate months and months of constant cold weather. Oh well, still have the obsession-I love sweaters!
7. Why I have students that don't know their multiplication facts. How can they know how to do algebraic equations and not know what 8x7 is? Calculators can be a curse!
8. How it is 20 degrees outside and my classroom feels like it is 85 degrees even with the windows open. I can only wear so many layers!
9. And speaking of temperature-how can my children walk around the house with barely no clothes and certainly nothing on their feet? I could use their feet as ice cubes in my drinks they are so cold. They are not bothered at all, I have never once heard them complain that their feet are cold.
10. How I love coffee so much even though the caffeine does absolutely nothing to keep me awake. I wish it would!
1. Why my adolescent students (boys) wear their pants around their knees. When did it become cool to show your underwear?
2. How my children are braver than I am. When Yitzy caught a mouse they wanted to see it and they talked about how cute it was and how mice are ok, just not in our house. I am scared to go near it, look at it, and if you even mention the word mouse I cringe. I would really prefer to go get a room in a hotel if there is even the thought of a mouse in my house.
3. Why my children will eat all sorts of raw vegetables (mushrooms even) but as soon as they are cooked or put with something else they absolutely refuse to touch it.
4. How I can tell my students twelve thousand times that I am Jewish and they still ask if I celebrate X-mas when I have answered it the same way every single time (these kids are 8th graders). Then they ask me if I celebrate birthdays. Don't even get me started on the conversation we had about keeping kosher!
5. How my printer at work was working great until the computer teacher asked me how it was working, I said wonderful and now it is acting up. Why?
6. How I have a sweater obsession and I hate cold weather. Maybe I just hate months and months of constant cold weather. Oh well, still have the obsession-I love sweaters!
7. Why I have students that don't know their multiplication facts. How can they know how to do algebraic equations and not know what 8x7 is? Calculators can be a curse!
8. How it is 20 degrees outside and my classroom feels like it is 85 degrees even with the windows open. I can only wear so many layers!
9. And speaking of temperature-how can my children walk around the house with barely no clothes and certainly nothing on their feet? I could use their feet as ice cubes in my drinks they are so cold. They are not bothered at all, I have never once heard them complain that their feet are cold.
10. How I love coffee so much even though the caffeine does absolutely nothing to keep me awake. I wish it would!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Passive-Aggressive
I'm incredibly busy today at work but I just needed to share this for the theraputic aspect (and that's a reason I started this blog).
Today when I was getting my kids in the car to take them to school a neighbor was walking her kids to their carpool in front of my house. So she stops me and says "Maybe you don't know this but Sam's Club sells large things of salt. You know because everyday I walk my kids by your house and they slip and slide and I can't let them walk in the street."
How do you respond to that? I was sooo annoyed-I was already having a difficult morning and then she has to be all passive-aggressive and make me feel bad. I know my sidewalk isn't cleared off (all the way) but we have tons of sidewalk (we live on a corner). I walk on it too. My kids haven't fallen or hurt themselves.
Why do we have to be so judgemental of everyone? Because that's how I felt! I fell like she is judging me because my sidewalk isn't as clear as hers. Sometimes you have to prioritize and my priorities might not be the same as someone else's. I understand that she thinks it is a safety issue but if she really thought it was dangerous she would put down her own salt or go a different way. I think when things are a nuisance we get annoyed and try to control them even when it's not our place. Maybe that's what she was trying to do.
But I felt she was offensive, plain and simple. And of course, I can't get it out of my mind.
I answered her "we've already gone through 2 bags of salt and I'll let my husband know." I don't know if that was the right way to handle it. I should have played dumb and asked her if she was offering to put down salt. Now I don't even want to.
Maybe the ice and snow could melt and I wouldn't have these problems!
Today when I was getting my kids in the car to take them to school a neighbor was walking her kids to their carpool in front of my house. So she stops me and says "Maybe you don't know this but Sam's Club sells large things of salt. You know because everyday I walk my kids by your house and they slip and slide and I can't let them walk in the street."
How do you respond to that? I was sooo annoyed-I was already having a difficult morning and then she has to be all passive-aggressive and make me feel bad. I know my sidewalk isn't cleared off (all the way) but we have tons of sidewalk (we live on a corner). I walk on it too. My kids haven't fallen or hurt themselves.
Why do we have to be so judgemental of everyone? Because that's how I felt! I fell like she is judging me because my sidewalk isn't as clear as hers. Sometimes you have to prioritize and my priorities might not be the same as someone else's. I understand that she thinks it is a safety issue but if she really thought it was dangerous she would put down her own salt or go a different way. I think when things are a nuisance we get annoyed and try to control them even when it's not our place. Maybe that's what she was trying to do.
But I felt she was offensive, plain and simple. And of course, I can't get it out of my mind.
I answered her "we've already gone through 2 bags of salt and I'll let my husband know." I don't know if that was the right way to handle it. I should have played dumb and asked her if she was offering to put down salt. Now I don't even want to.
Maybe the ice and snow could melt and I wouldn't have these problems!
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