I have been thinking a lot about guilt lately. I'm not sure why-guilt is always a part of my daily life. Why am I writing about it now? I don't know. I just know that I constantly feel guilt in all aspects of my life. No matter what I do I feel like I am cheating something or someone else out of something.
When I 'm at work I feel like I am being less of a mom. When I am at work and thinking about my kids I feel like I am doing a disservice to my students. When I am focusing on my husband, I feel like I should be paying attention to my kids. When I am playing with my kids, I should spend time with my husband. When I am reading a book, I should be cleaning my house. When I am cleaning the house I should be playing with the baby. Tonight I should be at a parent meeting for my first grader and I'm not. So I feel guilty. And the list goes on and on and on. . .
I can make myself feel guilty about the littlest things-like buying a coffee when I am trying to save money. But I can't seem to stop doing the actions or feeling guilty. Maybe I like to feel bad? Maybe I feel like feeling like a martyr?
I have a wonderful husband who never makes me feel guilty. I do that all on my own. He encourages me to be easier on myself and let go of the little things. Live my life. But I have never been good at letting things go.
For tonight I am going to let go of the guilt that goes along with not going to the parent meeting. I don't really want to go. I speak to the teachers all the time anyway. Am I less of a parent for not going? I hope not!