Isn't it always like this-weeks of boring nothing and then BAM, in the course of a few hours CHAOS!!?
How does the expression go, "Man plans and G-d laughs?"
That kind of sums up my life right now.
Let me give a little backstory. Everyone knows that I am a special ed teacher. Well, about a year ago an assistant principal at my school became a principal of another school. And this year a teacher I worked very closely with left my school to become the AP(assistant principal) of said same school. Being close with this teacher we talked often and she would jokingly tell me that she wanted me to come work with her at her new school. I listened and ignored. It was flattering but she wasn't serious and I wasn't looking for a new job.
Well, fast forward a few months to the beginning of August. She calls me to tell me that a position opened in her school and they want me. Not only do they want me but the job is mine if I want it. No interview, nothing.
What?????? I didn't believe what I was hearing. It was so completely unexpected- every time she spoke of a "job" I thought she was just joking or being nice and trying to make me feel good.
To make matters more complicated I was leaving on vacation in 2 days (driving across the country) and needed to make Shabbos (we were leaving right after) and barely anything was ready. Also, it is August and that is late to change jobs in the education world. So I really didn't have time to think about it long.
Can we say anxiety producing?
Many people tried to give me lots of good advice-make a pros/cons list, pretend you make a choice and see how you feel BUT I just don't seem to work that way. I go with my gut. I mean, I do think about all the details and talk it out obessively, but at the end of the day, it seems to be about how I feel. Except in this situation both choices made me feel bad.
Let me explain. Both choices were good choices. My old job has a lot of great people to work with. I know everyone and almost all the kids. I have pretty good bosses and some really great friends. And though there are always things to complain about (and I DID complain this past year), I wasn't looking to change things. And the new job? Bosses who are friends. Bettter hours. A different population of student. However, there are also teachers I dont' know and it is slightly farther away than my current school. So, how do I pick?
At the end of the day a few things helped me decide.
1. I needed to do what was best for my family and changing my hours could really help us (and erev Shabbos).
2. Although I detest change, it wouldn't be completely different as I will be doing the same type of job and working with people I already know. In fact, my friend who is also AP is still teaching and I will be teaching with her. I already know we work well together. Which is an extremely important part of what I do (inclusion/co-teaching and all that).
3. THEY WANT ME. I have worked in both of these teachers/principals classrooms without trying to impress them (back when they were just teachers). They have seen the real me on my best days and worst days. And they STILL want me. They know what I do and what my job description entails and they know that I work my butt off to help my students. It is nice to feel appreciated professionally and know that they WANT to hear what I have to say. Because, let's face it-no one wants to hear about special ed. We're always an afterthought. Not complaining, that's just the way it is in the world. That's the way I feel at my current job. They like that I don't make problems for them, that I take care of things on my own, but they don't know what I really do or the problems that I face on a daily basis.
So I took the new job. And I'm scared, nervous and full of anxiety. Not very fun for a vacation. But it's done and I do feel like I made the right choice. Especially since I called my current principal and she was RUDE to me. I mean, I expected her not to be happy but she bordered on disrespectful. I'll spare everyone the details I have never experienced that from her and I am not looking forward to packing up my room and having to face her. But I guess I need to be an adult about it.
And the more I think about it the more I think that Hashem puts me in these situations to learn and grow from them. I will pretty much do anything I can to not have to face change in my life. I don't change the furniture in my house often, I don't like surprises, and I certainly don't like to change jobs. But this will be the 4th school I have worked in in 10 years. And that's because of my choice, NOT the other way around. And so I think that each time I choose change I grow and learn more about myself. And truthfully, I have emunah (faith) in Hashem that either choice I choose will be ok.
Really that's all I need to remember.