fill in the _____

The Best Brownies Ever

2011-03-16T08:50:00.010-05:00

So, things have been moving along smoothly. The kids rooms, bathrooms, hallways have all been cleaned for Pesach. Still have to do my room and the rest of the house but still, there IS progress.

I made 20 little chocolate cakes (from scratch) for Mishloach Manos. Only because I didn't have any cake mixes in the house-I had to more than quadruple the recipe! But I do like the way they came out. Done and in the freezer. I still have to frost them and make a batch of cupcakes for those surprise visitor shaloch manos. You know, just in case someone comes you didn't remember. That makes me crazy to not be prepared.

Anyway, there's still a ton of things on my list for both work and home for this week and next (what is with no school on shushan purim?!) but I thought I would share this great recipe I got from my SIL for chocolate chip cookie brownies. Regular brownies are not my favorite dessert-as much as I like chocolate I really prefer cake. But these brownies are fabulous, not a ton of work, and everyone who eats them loooooooves them. It is from a website called gourmetkoshercooking.com.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Brownies

For brownies:
1 Chewy Fudge brownie mix
For cookie:
½ cup shortening
¼ cup sugar
½ cup brown sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
1 cup flour
1 (12 ounce) package semisweet chocolate chips
For glaze:
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
2 tablespoons margarine
1 (8 ounce) container pareve whip

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare brownies according to package directions for chewy brownies, not cake-like ones. Pour into greased 9 x 13-inch pan. Next prepare cookie topping. Cream together shortening and sugars until fluffy. Beat in other ingredients and drop by spoonfuls on top of the brownie. Bake for about 1 hour or until browned. Cool.
When completely cooled, prepare glaze. Melt together chocolate chips and margarine. Whisk in whip and stir until smooth. Cool slight and pour over brownies. Store in refrigerator.

The only things I did differently were to substitute margarine for shortening (it worked fine) and I cooked it for only 45 minutes so they wouldn't be too well done. I would definitely suggest lowering the amount of time. I also think I used a little less chocolate chips in the cookie part-it just seemed like too much chips for the dough.

If you make them I hope you love them as much as we do! Enjoy!

Discouraged.

2011-03-10T09:04:00.014-06:00

I know it has been a long time since I blogged, probably no one is reading this anymore. But that's ok. I am just writing for myself now.

I am feeling discouraged. About a lot of things. This is a hard time of year to be a teacher-all the standardized testing makes students and teachers feel yucky. So much rides on these tests that everyone feels stressed and irritated for most of the time. So that's one thing.

Then there's the fact of the pregnant 8th grader in my school. Who basically thinks it's a big joke. This bothers me on so many levels I can't even begin to talk about it. Maybe another time.

Then there's the fact that I had to have a "group therapy session" with my students this morning because they are embarrassed that I take them out of their regular class for testing. The irony is other non special ed kids ask me to take them! I thought I was doing a good job of inclusion, helping all students feel accepted and know that they are getting what they need to be successful and apparently I'm not. Even though I am in a small school and have so much involvement with ALL the students, it doesn't seem to matter. I guess middle schoolers are just insecure by nature but I am bothered by these comments. They think they are treated so differently, when the reality is that the modifications I make for them are so minor and they are even given to other students without IEP's very often! Now I need to figure out how to address this issue.

Then there's the fact that after all these work headaches and issues, we teachers are getting based right and left in the media! That just adds to the discouraging feelings because it doesn't seem like we are valued for what we do. The way society views education definitely filters down to the students and kids and we lose a lot of respect both in and out of the classroom. It feels like we are fighting an uphill battle every day!

Then there's the fact that the world revolves around money. My husband and I work hard for our money and don't lead extravagant lifestyles by any means. We use coupons and look for the best deals on things before we buy them. We don't take vacations or even go to movies. And yet, every year it is a struggle to figure out school tuition. When people might hear how much our salaries are they might have a misperception of how much money we actually have. When you pay a mortgage, property tax, tuition/babysitting for 4 kids, utilities, car payments, food, copays for medicine/dr. appts-2 of my kids are on VERY expensive medication that runs a few hundred a month (and I am sure there are things I am forgetting) it really adds up. Now, I know we are better off than most and am very grateful for what I have. But when you live in a community that has certain requirements (and I use that word on purpose-I am not even talking about fancy sheitels/jewelry, or those kinds of things) like making Pesach, tuition, every other Yom Tov, modest clothing, etc. it becomes very hard to support a larger family on what seems to be a large salary. Especially when you do not get help from anywhere. For example, when I have a baby in less than 2 months, I will only get 1 paycheck when I take maternity leave. Because that's the amount of sick days I have. We are trying to prepare now for that time but we NEED my paycheck. So it makes me wonder what other people do. Not for comparing's sake but it makes me wonder if other people find it hard. If we need help for something does that make us bad people for having jobs and still needing it? We don't take advantage of chesed or help but maybe that makes it look like we don't ever need it. And sometimes we do.

Anyway, that's my rant for now. Maybe it will help me feel better. Because I would like to feel better about all of these things. Maybe if I start sleeping it will help too. I have just been so uncomfortable lately, but that goes with the territory. I'm not even sure this whole post made sense in my sleep deprived state.

If you're reading this, hopefully you're less discouraged than me!

Hiatus. . . gap. . .interval. . . pause

2010-12-03T12:08:00.010-06:00

Call it what you will. I have been gone from this blog a looooooong time. None of the title words totally describes my lack of attention to blogging but it's the best I can do.

Today is really the first time in a long time that I have had time and the mental energy to write anything.

I definitely underestimated the impact starting a new job would have on my life. And I don't mean that in a bad way-it has just been very different. The whole family has adjusted to a new routine, mainly because my hours changed so drastically from last year. I have to be at work by 7:30 and finish at 1:45. I actually really like this change-I am not responsible for the morning rush at all (thanks honey!!!) and get to work early and actually have some time there to get stuff done. However, I do take care of the afternoons (carpool, dinner, gymnastics, etc.) and that means that by 7:00 I am ready to go to bed. Don't tell anyone but sometimes I actually do! That's what happens when your day starts at 5 or 5:30!

So I have never been one for easy adjustments and this is no exception. Additionally, I have been learning the ropes of my new school. Even though my job description is the same, it's kind of like starting from scratch with new people and some different expectations. I also have been doing a lot more work at home (darn these long IEP's). I also have to write these documents for a new population for me-what we call non-attending students. Which is exactly what it sounds like-students that do not attend my school but they do attend a private school in the area. I could go on and on about this, but I don't want to bore anyone with the details. It is just a lot of paperwork for a student I don't know or service in any way. It is making me a little bitter especially because I actually like to teach (imagine that!!!) and all the paperwork and meetings take away from that.

Enough about work. What else is new in my life? I have been reading a lot lately, anything and everything I can get my hands on. I just discovered Half-price books and sold a ton of books so I could buy more :). I made $12! I actually finished the trilogy by Suzanne Collins starting with The Hunger Games and all of them were amazing. And I don't say that lightly (I don't usually like to read young adult books or fantasy so it started with 2 strikes against it). I was totally enthralled and engrossed! I would definitely recommend it!!

So that's the latest update hopefully, I will be better at blogging!

Catching up

2010-08-17T09:12:00.012-05:00

Isn't it always like this-weeks of boring nothing and then BAM, in the course of a few hours CHAOS!!?

How does the expression go, "Man plans and G-d laughs?"

That kind of sums up my life right now.

Let me give a little backstory. Everyone knows that I am a special ed teacher. Well, about a year ago an assistant principal at my school became a principal of another school. And this year a teacher I worked very closely with left my school to become the AP(assistant principal) of said same school. Being close with this teacher we talked often and she would jokingly tell me that she wanted me to come work with her at her new school. I listened and ignored. It was flattering but she wasn't serious and I wasn't looking for a new job.

Well, fast forward a few months to the beginning of August. She calls me to tell me that a position opened in her school and they want me. Not only do they want me but the job is mine if I want it. No interview, nothing.

What?????? I didn't believe what I was hearing. It was so completely unexpected- every time she spoke of a "job" I thought she was just joking or being nice and trying to make me feel good.

To make matters more complicated I was leaving on vacation in 2 days (driving across the country) and needed to make Shabbos (we were leaving right after) and barely anything was ready. Also, it is August and that is late to change jobs in the education world. So I really didn't have time to think about it long.

Can we say anxiety producing?

Many people tried to give me lots of good advice-make a pros/cons list, pretend you make a choice and see how you feel BUT I just don't seem to work that way. I go with my gut. I mean, I do think about all the details and talk it out obessively, but at the end of the day, it seems to be about how I feel. Except in this situation both choices made me feel bad.

Let me explain. Both choices were good choices. My old job has a lot of great people to work with. I know everyone and almost all the kids. I have pretty good bosses and some really great friends. And though there are always things to complain about (and I DID complain this past year), I wasn't looking to change things. And the new job? Bosses who are friends. Bettter hours. A different population of student. However, there are also teachers I dont' know and it is slightly farther away than my current school. So, how do I pick?

At the end of the day a few things helped me decide.

1. I needed to do what was best for my family and changing my hours could really help us (and erev Shabbos).

2. Although I detest change, it wouldn't be completely different as I will be doing the same type of job and working with people I already know. In fact, my friend who is also AP is still teaching and I will be teaching with her. I already know we work well together. Which is an extremely important part of what I do (inclusion/co-teaching and all that).

3. THEY WANT ME. I have worked in both of these teachers/principals classrooms without trying to impress them (back when they were just teachers). They have seen the real me on my best days and worst days. And they STILL want me. They know what I do and what my job description entails and they know that I work my butt off to help my students. It is nice to feel appreciated professionally and know that they WANT to hear what I have to say. Because, let's face it-no one wants to hear about special ed. We're always an afterthought. Not complaining, that's just the way it is in the world. That's the way I feel at my current job. They like that I don't make problems for them, that I take care of things on my own, but they don't know what I really do or the problems that I face on a daily basis.

So I took the new job. And I'm scared, nervous and full of anxiety. Not very fun for a vacation. But it's done and I do feel like I made the right choice. Especially since I called my current principal and she was RUDE to me. I mean, I expected her not to be happy but she bordered on disrespectful. I'll spare everyone the details I have never experienced that from her and I am not looking forward to packing up my room and having to face her. But I guess I need to be an adult about it.

And the more I think about it the more I think that Hashem puts me in these situations to learn and grow from them. I will pretty much do anything I can to not have to face change in my life. I don't change the furniture in my house often, I don't like surprises, and I certainly don't like to change jobs. But this will be the 4th school I have worked in in 10 years. And that's because of my choice, NOT the other way around. And so I think that each time I choose change I grow and learn more about myself. And truthfully, I have emunah (faith) in Hashem that either choice I choose will be ok.

Really that's all I need to remember.

Summer so far. . .

2010-07-16T08:42:00.035-05:00

Soooooo, I've been working this summer. Teaching 14 early childhood special ed kids. Talk about different than what I'm used to. It is not easy to maintain any sort of order in a classroom like that. I am in awe of teachers that do it all year long. The kids are cute, except for when they aren't. Like the boy that screams loudly all day long. Or the boy that is in everybody else's business and tattletales non-stop. Or the girl that already has an attitude at 5 years old. But it is wonderful to see them make friends, use new words and learn how to write their names. And they hug you and tell you that they love you. I certainly don't get that with the middle schoolers! And since I haven't taught that age group in a while, it was a little stressful doing something new. But now I'm done!! And I feel like I have the presence of mind to blog.

So here's some pics of the summer so far. . .

Little T's graduation from kindergarten

These were at Wagner Farm. A historic farm with some animals. The kids absolutely loved it.

I broke down and bought a pool for the backyard on the 4th. They have had so much fun using it and the hose. And I even got a little tan! Some of the garden is in the background. We now have radishes, peas, and lettuce growing in addition to our cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers (hot and sweet), cabbage, and leeks.

Our last meat meal before the 9 days. Eating outside with the kids was great-they could be loud and messy and it didn't matter. Delicious Israeli food-didn't even have any leftovers.

Doesn't look so exciting but it is: the first tomatoes and basil from the garden. With some fresh mozzarella. Absolutely delicious.

I am looking forward to not working!!! Later this summer, we'll be on the East Coast and we are really excited about that. Hopefully, this heat wave will break and we can spend some more time outside again.

Books I've read recently

2010-06-17T11:09:00.010-05:00

I know everyone is just on the edge of their seats waiting to hear about the books I've read.

Here they are:

1. The Help by Kathryn Stockett

2. The Girl from Foreign by Sadia Shepard

3. Blame by Michelle Huneven

4. A Murderous Procession by Ariana Franklin

I am having a memory lapse-there was another book I wanted to put here and I can't remember it. I guess I need to start writing titles down!

I tried to read A Separate Country by Robert Hicks and gave myself permission to stop. Didn't like it and my reading time is too precious to waste on a boring book. It just didn't draw me in.

I'm not going to summarize the books in the list-look at the links. It is an eclectic group of books but that's my reading style. I found them all to be worth reading.

Anyway, I have plans to read a lot of books this summer, although summer isn't going to be any slower than the rest of the year. I AM teaching summer school for 4 weeks. I think I might be a little crazy, but the money will be nice. I'm teaching the little ones-early childhood special ed. Totally different than what I do now. It will be interesting. Wish me lots of calmness in my future!!

Some books I plan to read:

1. Amen, Amen, Amen by Abby Sher

2. Remarkable Creatures by Tracy Chevalier ( I actually started reading this one already and it seems good).

And I'm open to whatever comes across my path. If anyone has any suggestions about books I should check out, leave me a comment!!!

Happy Reading!!

I have been a bad blogger

2010-06-04T10:16:00.004-05:00

I'm sorry. I know I have been a bad blogger.

It just seems like it takes so much effort to write a post these days.

I actually started a few and never finished them.

Not too much has been going on these days anyway. We're gardening (the strawberries from our garden taste great) and I now have radishes and peas growing in my kitchen almost ready to be transplanted. Just trying to find a place in the yard to put them where they won't be devoured by squirrels and other pests. The tomatoes are already sprouting and we are trying out leeks and cabbage this year too. The mint, basil, and cilantro are delicious too. Need a second try on the cukes-they animals ate the plants we started with. I actually dislike gardening but enjoy the veggies so it's worth it in the end.

I might work summer school with the littlest kiddies. It's at my school this year which is convenient, only til 12, and only 4 days a week. So, the extra money could be useful. But I usually need my break so we'll see. Since my kids are only in camp for the afternoon this year (gymnastics camp), I could bring them with me and put them in summer school at my school. Or they could help me with my class.

The kids are good. M is talking a ton-she says things like "I go" and "What's that" and "No." Everyday it seems she is saying more and more and she is only 19 months. She's gotten very clingy and wants me to carry her all over the house, ALL the time. Makes it hard to get anything done. Both Little T and Lulu got great reports at parent teacher conferences last week. They are meeting all developmental/academic milestones and are ready for next year. The teachers are also happy with their social/emotional-behavioral growth. Totally affirms for me that we have made the right educational decision for them. Big T is also doing well. We are working on some emotional issues with her and she is making progress and growth and we can see it!! She is less anxious and happier overall. We are very blessed right now, Thank G-d!

Have been reading a lot even though I haven't mentioned it lately. I will try to put a list of the books on my next post.

That's the update for now. .

Teacher Appreciation Week

2010-05-03T12:53:00.002-05:00

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week.

Here is what I found in my mailbox at work this morning:

Mrs. B. is a wonderful teacher because she is nice. She will help any student with homework and schoolwork. She is very smart and punctual. Plus she is very graceful with hardheaded students. Over all she is a great and wonderful teacher. (He also drew a picture with the caption "pretty as a flower.")

Never underestimate the power of saying thank you. It goes a long way.

Oven pancake, apple style

2010-04-22T21:07:00.005-05:00

I don't think I have ever posted a recipe before but this is just so good, so homemade and so easy that I can't resist. Those who don't like cooking I give you permission to skip this post-go read something else.

As for everybody else, if you are looking for something new to make, I hope this helps.

This recipe is actually from Betty Crocker and she calls it Puffy Oven Pancake.

2 Tbsp. stick marg or butter
2 eggs
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup milk (I used soy and kept the whole recipe pareve).
1/4 tsp salt

1. Heat oven to 400. Melt marg in a pie plate (I used an 8" round disposable pan) in oven.

2. Beat eggs in bowl. Beat in remaining ingredients and pour into pie plate.

3. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until puffy and deep golden brown.

To make the pancake with apples:

Prepare the pancake following the above directions-except sprinkle 2 Tbsps. packed brown sugar and 1/4 tsp. cinnamon evenly over melted marg in pan. Arrange 1 cup thinly sliced peeled apple over sugar. Pour batter over apple. Bake 30 to 35 minutes. Immediately loosen edge of pancake and turn upside down onto plate.

I actually doubled the recipe and it worked great. It fed 4 kids and 2 adults with nothing left over. I think it would go great with whipped cream but I didn't have any so we ate it plain and it was still fabulous.

I hope you enjoy the oven pancake as much as we did!

Bright spots in a blah week

2010-04-21T11:55:00.007-05:00

This week has been rough.

Not for any terrible reason, thank G-d.

Just regular life is a little overwhelming. Especially when Sundays have a lot going on-I feel like I am always playing catch up.

But there have been some bright spots this week including:

1. Sinus rinse!! My allergies have been killing me and (thanks for the medicine advice, everyone!) I got a sinus headache yesterday on top of all the allergy drama. So I used my sinus rinse and it really works. The pressure in my head went away almost immediately. So that was a yay!

2. I made an oven apple pancake last night. Homemade. Delicious. I doubled the recipe and it was gone it 10 minutes, I didn't even have time to take a picture. I will try to post the recipe later in case anyone wants it.

3. Report card pick-up day today! Not exciting except for that I didn't need to go into work until 12 today. So I did get some stuff at home done today.

At least there have been a few bright spots this week. Maybe there'll be more, who knows?

#101

2010-04-12T14:11:00.004-05:00

This is my 101st blog entry. I have officially passed 100 posts. That has got to be important to mention, right?

Actually, I do want to say thanks to everyone who reads, it means a lot to me. Blogging has been a way for me to express myself and share my thoughts and the fact that people out there in cyberspace find me interesting is very encouraging. So I thank you and my self-esteem thanks you too! And feel free to speak up and share. I love reading comments.

Anyway, yesterday I forgot to mention something else I love: coffee!! I finally opened my new keurig and it is fabulous, awesome, and amazing. It really makes a great cup of coffee (and fast too). I'm not sure about the tea yet but I also drink lots of tea, so I think I am going to get my money's worth. Speaking of money, I got a really good deal on it. It's kind of a long story but my mom bought the mini at Kohl's for $72 ( she had an extra coupon and it was on sale and less sales tax in MD). I then returned it and upgraded to the elite and used a 15% off coupon so only paid $100 (including tax) for it. It's normally $130 without tax so I think it is a pretty good deal. And it will be an even better deal if I don't buy coffee during the week!

I could really use the coffee today-I am sooooo tired! It is so hard to be back to the routine. Even though it was back to the routine last week, this is the first Monday in a while and it is just plain exhausting!

I think I am going to go hunt down a cup of coffee to survive the afternoon. . .

I love. . . and a question

2010-04-10T20:57:00.004-05:00

warm, sunny days

long naps on Shabbos

cake, bread, muffins, scones, or any carb laden food

quiet

a long novel with lots left to read

time to read the long novel

all the work and parenting that my husband does around here

when my kids make me laugh

And now for my question-really bad allergies have been acting up: sneezing, runny nose, etc. Anybody had good luck with an over the counter allergy med? Benadryl works but then I am comatose for hours after. I need something that will help but not require a bed in the immediate vicinity. Any thoughts would be appreciated!

this time of year

2010-03-22T11:15:00.006-05:00

what i am doing with my time:

cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning.

lists, lists, and more lists.

i like making lists but in this case i feel like it just showcases all that i need to do, they keep getting longer, not shorter. i did find last year's lists/menus so it should help. also, (gasp!) i am getting some cleaning help (i don't have a cleaning lady during the rest of they year).

errands, errands, and more errands

haircuts, haircuts, and more haircuts

work, work, and more work (iep paperwork just keeps getting longer)

spring break is coming!! yay, all of pesach will be spent at home and with my family which doesn't happen often (usually i have to work during chol hamoed).

worrying about all the school budget cuts happening all over the city.

hoping i will still have a job next year (i am pretty sure i will but you just never know).

researching gardening/ how to grow plants in my backyard..

more later. . .

accountability, etc.

2010-03-04T09:58:00.018-06:00

I'm finally getting around to writing about accountability.

This is a very important topic for me as it seems to rear it's ugly head almost daily in my life.

A few weeks ago after report cards came out some of my students had D's and F's on their report cards. Now, anyone who knows anything about special ed knows that it is really not ok to put those kinds of grades on a report card of an IEP student. Why? Because that usually means something is wrong in the IEP and it's not working. And usually I agree with that. I just don't see a lot of point in giving special ed students failing grades-they are already working extra hard.

But what about when the grades are already modified (changed to help the student succeed)? And they are receiving all the modifications and accommodations listed in their IEP? So, simply put they are just not doing the work that is expected of them. What happens then? Philosophically speaking, is giving them a passing grade in that situation appropriate? It's certainly not the way real life works.

Just to backtrack for a minute: I have mentioned before that I work in "the ghetto." (please don't be offended-my students call it that). And my students more than any other in the school are lacking so many things-money, family support(emotional), sometimes even food and clothes. So I understand that there are many factors that get in the way of their success. However, when do I stop making excuses for them and start to demand responsibility?

I truly feel that constantly lowering my expectations for responsibility does no one any good. It just continues the cycle of entitlement and the feeling that they don't have to try because there will be no real consequences for their actions. I think our society has completely enabled people with labels, people who fall in the special ed category. It's not a free pass. But I think that has trickled down from society. Students with disabilities need different things (hence, the individualized part of the IEP). Certainly they should have full and complete access to what they need. But that does not mean there are no consequences. Good or bad. Maybe the consequences will be different from others. But there are still certain results as a cause of specific actions. Whether or not it is because of a disability.

I'm getting a little off topic because I really want to focus on a situation that happened with a student that has an IEP but what happened is not a result of her disability. So here goes. An eighth grader I teach got a D in writing last quarter. I had been in touch with her parents over the course of that time (when she was missing assignments) and so it should not have been a surprise to them when she received that grade. Why did she get that grade? Simply because she did not turn in any work. Writing is difficult for her. However, she barely qualified for special ed services and organization is not an issue that is addressed in her IEP. And yet, the parents want to blame me and say that it is because I am not doing my job (they didn't actually say that, but it was implied). It is always easier to blame someone else than actually deal with the real problem. Anyway, besides the fact that I was personally offended (I work my butt off!!) they are doing their daughter such a disservice. She always has some sort of excuse why something isn't done (too noisy, couldn't finish it-the computer isn't working, etc.). She also tells her parents one thing and her teachers something different. So she is manipulative and trying to get out of work that she has to put more effort into to achieve a satisfactory result. She absolutely earned that grade. But am I not supposed to give it to her just because she has an IEP?

The grade stands and the principal supports me. And I documented myself well (note to teachers reading this-document, document, document so you CYA). There was a little more drama involved because they went behind my back to get sympathy and agreement from other staff members. However, it actually ended fine so far because it is not about me. It is about what is best for the student. Ultimately I want my students to be successful and however that needs to happen I will do it. But it is hard to do this job and feel like you are not helping, only enabling. I hate that.

Unfortunately, progress reports come out next week so the cycle will just repeat itself again. UGH. . . not looking forward.

Stepping off soapbox for now. . .

In some other news:

My sister had a baby boy on Sunday!!! Yay!! She made it to 36 1/2weeks! I'm going to the bris this weekend without any children. We'll see if I get to relax at all.

Little T lost her first tooth this week! She has a gap now in the bottom of her mouth.

Purim was low-key which is just the way I like it! I'll upload some pics soon!

Busy week and it is just getting busier as we move closer to Pesach!

I'm still here, are you?

2010-02-22T09:02:00.013-06:00

Blogging is hard work. Unfortunately, all the other work in my life lately has been hard also, so of course blogging was put on the back burner. But I am still here and let me catch you up so far.

Working backward. . .

3 out of 4 of the kids have been sick lately, nothing major but just bad enough that they can't go to school. Which is ugh.

Husband had the stomach flu (food poisoning?) on Thursday which meant I was doing my stuff and his to take care of the kids. Made all of Shabbos before work on Friday (woke up at 5) and then went to work and had a full day. Whew, was I tired.

Have had crazy amounts of IEP's to write and am still not done. I truly dislike 8th grade IEP's, all the transition paperwork is such a pain to ~~make up~~ write. I also had a parent meeting with the principal, that's a whole post in itself. Just to sum it up, just because a student has a disability doesn't mean they can't be lazy! But it's always easier to blame the teacher. Like I said it's a whole other post which I really hope I get time to write soon!

I might have a future pro bowler for a daughter. We took the kids bowling on President's Day. It was the first time we took them (Big T went with school but it was the other girls first time ever). Little T kicked all our butts! And the ball was almost as big as her! And I know it's not a fluke because we recently aquired a Wii and the kids have been bowling and she is beating us all on the game too.

Funny story: At dinner one night Little T asked me to put "creases and wrinkles" in her hair. It took us a while to figure out she really meant curls. Sometimes she uses the funniest vocabulary. That, combined with her individualistic personality makes for some funny conversations (she also recently started calling me "momster").

All I've got time for now. Hope you haven't forgotten me!!

Pics, Pics, and more Pics

2010-02-02T10:19:00.011-06:00

I am not a domestic person. My mom used to worry about me when I was younger that I would never be able to cook for myself much less anybody else. And forget about laundry. I just could never figure out how to do it (even with a cheat sheet hung up next to the machine).

But necessity is the mother of invention and all that. . . So now I cook and bake and have actually gotten pretty good at it. But I am not "Suzy Homemaker" and come home from a long day of work and make super exciting food because I enjoy it. I don't enjoy it. I do it. Because I have to. Or we would starve. And I would get arrested for neglecting my children.

But every once in a while comes an occasion that brings out my creativity. And so I present to you. . . my version of a rainbow cake (the cake is even made from scratch)!! Now I am NOT a perfectionist and do not want to be one. And I was not trying to copy anything else except for the colors. It is MY attempt at this type of cake and I am pretty proud that I pulled it off (thanks, honey for the help!!)

Here are 2 parts of the cake in the process of being put together. There were also yellow and blue but I got tired of taking pictures.

Here is the finished cake. It's for 2 of the girls because their birthdays are 3 days apart. So they have a combined party. I did the writing on the cake-I think I am getting better at it!

Side view of the cake.

And here is a cute pic of the baby I just took a few days ago. We are in the "up the stairs, down the stairs" stage. I just looooooove that face!!

Hopefully, I'll get a up a few more pics later. That's all for my creativity for now.

I know I've been gone a long time

2010-01-27T08:40:00.015-06:00

How have I let so much time go by since I last posted? I'm sorry to anyone who actually enjoys reading this. I haven't forgotten my blog. I've just been focusing on life a little bit these past few weeks.

Work has been pretty hectic. It's IEP season (which means tons of paperwork), and standardized test season AND spring fever seems to have come on a little early this year with the students!! No one wants to do any work (me included) so I have been doing a little convincing and A LOT of cajoling! Even in my own house the girls are itching to play outside, they are literally climbing the furniture on a daily basis. And they are not getting along well at all-because they are literally in each other's faces all the time. Having sisters is a having built in playmates, but they want to play together even when they are annoyed with each other. What's up with that?

We have also been feeling playdate/sleepover insanity!! The girls were asking soooooo much to have playdates and also sleepovers that we had to make a rule. NO playdates during the week! At all. And they have to stop asking. Maybe it sounds mean but it was taking over our lives and not in a good way. We are too busy during the week to add more distractions. Of course, I am happy that my daughters have friends. That is something we don't struggle with.

We also had parent-teacher conferences for the middle two girls, Lulu and Little T. They went so well! The girls are happy, they are learning, and the teachers are happy with them. Not even one complaint. When the teacher see something that could potentially become an issue, they find ways to problem solve with the child. Lulu has "concentration endurance" issues (she has a hard time completing a task for an extended time). But they build in breaks and allow her to work on other learning topics and then return to the original task. And when she completes her work, she is completing it well! Little T has really emerged as a leader and loves to learn. She is completing multiplication problems (with hands-on material) because she wants to and she understands it! She's only just turned 6. We walked out of the conferences feeling so good about our choice to send them to this school. We thought we made the right decision and the conferences really confirmed it. Yay! Now if we could only win the lottery so we could pay for it! Ha!

On a different topic, we recently had the opportunity to have some guests for Shabbos lunch at our house. A couple that we do not know well. They are recently married (within the year) and kinda, sorta invited themselves to our house. Although that in itself is an issue, let's forget about that. When the man spoke to my husband he said he had food allergies (food dye). Well, the lunch was set up for 3 weeks since the time we spoke at shul so we forgot about it for a while. Thursday of this past week I emailed the wife to find out if this was the week and if so, are they coming? She responded late that night saying yes, she was sorry she hadn't confirmed earlier in the week, she was emailing her husband's food guidelines. Food guidelines? What the heck does that mean?

I found out when I opened an attachment that was about a page long listing all the things he could not eat/ what he could eat. I am not joking-the list included such things as "will eat green beans but only with lots of flavor, so if steamed don't bother making them.'' It did also say things he couldn't eat: challah bought from the bakery (dye), pistachios, anything with msg (listed all the ways that could be listed in food items), margarine, chocolate, and it went on and on. There were also many vegetables he could not eat as well.

What do you think I did with this information? I immediately emailed her and then called her to say that the menu had already been planned and the food made. There was not one thing he could eat, based on the food we made (deli roll, cholent-has potatoes, kugels with marg, etc.). So I told her that. There were even pistachios in the salad we were having. She tried to figure out a way to still come, but while trying that did not offer to make food to bring with them (except rolls). During the course of the conversation, it did become clear that he is sensitive to much of this food-they are not all allergies.

Oh my gosh. Seriously? Can someone really think it is ok to give a list like that a night before shabbos? Or even at all? Honestly, I felt resentment and irritation. I don't normally read ingredients on items I buy. That is time intensive for me to do simply for one shabbos meal . It is also costly to buy things I don't usually buy (earth's something or other margarine). Why should I have to do that? Which leads me to the mitzva of hachnasas orchim (inviting guests). How far do I have to go? As far as I can tell, there is no real reason they NEED to go out for meals. It's not like a single person who can't cook for themselves. They have a home. I know I am assuming, but because I am so sensitive to others when I enter their homes, I feel like it is a total lack of sensitivity on their part to have those sorts of expectations about the food. Additionally, when I have guests in my home I am (maybe extra) sensitive to their needs and would not feel comfortable serving them food they can't eat.

I could very well be wrong. But my resentment is still there. And I don't think it's going away any time soon.

Whew, it felt better to get that off my chest!

I do just need to acknowledge that it has been a little more than a year since I started this blog. I really appreciate all the readers and all the readers that comment. I never thought I would like doing this but it really has become not just fun, but important to me.

Thank you, Thank you!

Sometimes early isn't a good thing

2010-01-14T08:49:00.008-06:00

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this previously but my sister is expecting a baby around the middle/end of March.

Last week, she started having contractions and is now on bed rest. She is 30 weeks along. Even on bed rest (and medicine) she is still having contractions.

Her son came at 35 weeks and we are all praying for her to make it that long.

That's why I am letting everyone know.

If you can say some Tehillim (psalms) for her or any other davening (praying) I would truly appreciate it (and I know she would too)!

Her name is Miriam Yaakova bas Sora Chana.

Hopefully, Hashem will help that baby stay nice and cozy in there for a lot longer!

Progress update, etc.

2010-01-12T10:43:00.008-06:00

So, I made this great list about what I intend to do. But how is it going?

Pretty well if I do say so myself. And it's my blog so I do say so.

Menu planning has been happening, 2 weeks at a time. It really helps to do it that way, technically I only have to go grocery shopping once every 2 weeks if I do it right. Of course, milk and produce still need to be gotten but that's a relatively quick errand.

Making double of some meals is also wonderful. I really wish I had started that earlier in my married life!! I now have a tuna casserole, tray of enchiladas, and a lasagna in my freezer waiting to be eaten. I really have to thank my husband for helping with this-he made the enchiladas and the lasagna (with the kid's help!) and that was totally appreciated! I also made homemade minestrone soup in the crockpot last week and I have some of that in the freezer also. Hopefully, I can keep up the momentum. This little bit of extra planning makes the evenings run sooooooo much more smoothly.

Cleaning is more challenging for me. I seem to do it in bursts-it's all or nothing. I am too tired at night after I come home from work to do more than dinner, dishes, laundry. So I am still figuring this part out. We did do a TON of cleaning this weekend, so the house is clean and it's amazing how much weight gets lifted off my shoulders. Of course, the cleanliness doesn't last long with 4 kids and snow, but at least it's clean for a few minutes.

Since the evenings are running more smoothly, I have more time to spend with the girls and that makes them happy. Which makes me happy. Big T and I went to a mother-daughter event at her school and we actually had a nice time. We made a project together (a topiary-great for my artistic daughter), ate snacks, and played a game. When I asked her what her favorite part of the evening was I expected to hear about the project. But she said "spending time with you mommy." Sometimes they can just make me all mushy inside. Here's another mushy moment:

So now I have been mulling over another idea. Among the blogs I read, this one has an interesting challenge going on right now. She calls it Eat From The Pantry Challenge. The premise is that for the month her family is only buying produce, milk, and perishables. When I first read this, I scoffed at it. I thought it was crazy. But the more I thought, the more it made sense. And the reason it made sense to me is that that wonderful holiday Pesach (Passover) is just around the corner. As I have built up quite a stockpile of such items as pasta, pancake mix, cereal, and canned goods, not to mention the chicken I have in the freezer; I thought it would be an opportune time to use these food items. I an NOT making rules for myself, I am just going to try to really work hard at planning my menus around these items. Wish me lots of luck-I'll keep you posted on my efforts. ( I know my husband will be REALLY happy, besides for the saving $$ part, he wants the closet where I keep the food surplus for a huge fish tank-now he has hope of getting it).

We celebrated 2 birthdays this past week. Big T turned 9 and Little T turned 6!! That is just plain craziness, where has the time gone? Big T has now earned her nickname, she is just 6 inches shorter than me! Granted that is not hard to do considering I am less than 5 feet tall, but still. She's only 9!! I kinda feel like I am growing up with her (as a parent). I don't know how to parent a child this old, I've never done it before!! Hopefully, I won't make too many mistakes!

But back to the birthdays. They each got to pick the dinner on the night of their birthday. Subway and enchiladas!! We've certainly branched out from pizza and hot dogs (although they are my husband's children-they usually ask for steak)! We are planning to have a small family party soon, so I plan to put some pics up then.

That's all for now. Hope everyone is having a good week!!

The risks of the job

2010-01-07T13:01:00.009-06:00

The setting: my classroom

The when: 2 days ago

The situation: A student, coming from another class, entered my room dancing and singing. I proceeded to say to him "stop acting a fool and get to work." I was not attempting to be funny or use slang to get his attention. It seems that phrase "acting a fool" has made it into my everyday, run-of-the-mill vocabulary.

Uh-oh, what other expressions do I use on a daily basis that make people look at me funny?

I hope nothing too terrible!

It's a little scary to think I might start sounding like my students. Shouldn't it be the other way around-they should start to sound like me! Although, I would be happy if I could just get them to stop sticking "be" in a sentence where it doesn't belong.

So, here's a request: If you see me around, please ignore any and all inappropriate language you might hear come out of my mouth, as I am surrounded by middle schoolers all day long, 5 days a week.

They were bound to rub off on me some time!

I usually never do this but. . .

2010-01-01T13:24:00.001-06:00

. . . here is a "work in progress" goal list.

I noticed that a lot of my posts focused on feeling overwhelmed this past year. And I have been reading a lot of blogs lately that are discussing goals and ways to improve life in this coming year. So, even though I know that a mom who works full-time and has 4 kids can't eliminate all feelings of being overwhelmed, I am going to try some small steps. And since I remember things better when I write them, you get to read them.

1. When I cook I am going to try to double my meals and put one meal in the freezer for the future. I have started doing this on a semi-regular basis, but I would love to do this 2x a week.

2. Need to get back on the meal planning wagon. Maybe try planning for 2 weeks at a time? I have heard monthly planning is great but I just can't get there yet.

3. Clean my house more often-set up a regular schedule. You might need to sit down but. . . I do not have a cleaning lady. My house is pretty clean because I am constantly doing little things. I clean toilets when in the bathroom, laundry gets done constantly, etc. I am going to set up a schedule to get these tasks done (esp. mopping the floor-I hate it). Additionally, although the girls do do chores, I am going to make a more formal schedule for them as well.

4. As far as spending goes, the couponing has been going really well. I have been able to keep weekly grocery/drugstore shopping under $125. (In a city that has 10% sales tax!) I have been shopping at Jewel and probably averaging about $70 a visit. The rest of the money is spent at the drugstores (which net me coupons and toiletries at the same time). This includes diapers/pull-ups. I used to spend more than that just at Jewel every week. So I am proud of myself. But there are a few big purchases I would like to make this year (UGGS, Keurig) so I need to stop impulse shopping. This is especially bad at Target. I only buy things on sale, but even that adds up when it happens every week. I would like to put that money towards those bigger purchases.

5. Some sort of home organization-some things in my house just don't have a proper home and they need one (paper, toys). I need a bulletin board (I hope the husband is reading this)to help me keep important things in view.

6. Do something that keeps me anchored religiously. . . not sure what that is yet but when I find something, I'll let you know.

7. Lastly, and most importantly, figure out how to spend more time with my kids individually. They really crave individual attention and I think it is so important to give them a sense of self separate from their sisters (especially hard with 3 girls that are 18 months apart). I think I need to make some sort of formal chart for this as well, otherwise I will get lazy. And it will cut down on the arguments if everyone knows they have a set time.

Ok, that's it. Not a short list it seems. But hopefully I have put somethings already in place, and that will make the harder things a little easier to accomplish.

Wish me some luck and a lot of help from G-d, I think I'm going to need it.

Doing Absolutely Nothing

2009-12-28T14:37:00.016-06:00

I'm still here.

Doing nothing. Well, maybe not nothing but it feels like nothing.

Last week I spent 3 days doing nothing all by myself! All the kids were in school and at the babysitter during those days. I ran errands (slowly and without dragging kids with me) and only went to the stores I wanted to. Then I came home, put on my pajamas, and took naps every day. Blissful!!

Here are some other nothings that I've done on this vacay:

started knitting a scarf
am reading the new Barbara Kingsolver book The Lacuna (am enjoying it so far)
took the kids to the aquarium after the husband had a behind-the-scenes tour; also saw the new show which the kids really liked.
tried to read Julie Powell's new book Cleaving and absolutely HATED it. sorry, but no one needs to read hundreds of pages about dismembering meat OR about how much she hates her husband/the affair she had
found some good deals at Walgreen's, Jewel, etc.
went to Unique 2x
watched a million episodes of House Hunters (I am seriously obsessed)
fed my friend's cat

That's the rundown.

Oh, and here's a quick Baby M update:

at 14 months she has about 5 words-mommy, daddy, mine, uh-oh, ow.
on Sunday she threw my slippers in the toilet. of course, those got thrown out.
she doesn't like to be left behind-whatever her sisters do, she wants to do
she has 4 molars, 4 front teeth and nothing in between
she is attached to a blanket that my mom knitted, when she sees it she puts her thumb in her mouth and lays her face on it-it's super cute.
she has great receptive language skills-she can follow directions; when we say go upstairs she goes to the stairs and starts climbing up

My opinion

2009-12-15T11:06:00.011-06:00

A few posts ago I mentioned that I went to the Illinois Holocaust Museum and Education Center. I started writing this then and am attempting to finish it now. These are strictly my own opinions and my thoughts are still continuing to evolve.

Firstly, this is the second time I have been there. I went last spring as a chaperone with the 7th graders in my school. At that time I was impressed and pleased with the way they approach this topic with children. They have an interactive video game (has to do with strong v. weak) using animated frogs. I'm not describing it well but the message reached the kids. They heard a survivor speak (not of a concentration camp but he escaped the war as a young boy-do you use the word that way, I'm just curious?), and watched a movie about genocide as it relates to the world. I DID NOT see the main exhibit -it wasn't finished yet so I can't speak to that.

The recent time I went I did not see any of the museum, but was there for a professional development on the differences of Eastern v. Western Europe at the time of the Holocaust. The presentation was very well done and I learned a lot of facts that I previously did not know.

Now come the issues.

They provided dinner for those who attended the class but had NO KOSHER FOOD. I asked specifically and was told they served a "kosher style" meal and I was told that I could purchase a sandwich at their cafe-they carry some kosher sandwiches. I understand that most of the people who attend those meetings and go to the museum aren't Jewish or don't keep kosher, but what about those that do? Of all places I expected to be respected for mitzva observance. I mean my husband gets treated better than that at his work! They allow him to bring in kosher food for everyone, pay for a separate meal for him, etc. And he works for corporate America.

But all this food stuff led to a bigger issue in my mind. I am truly not trying to offend anyone, so I apologize in advance if I do-I know this is a touchy subject. It just really seems that they have removed the Judaism from being Jewish. Our belief system. Our religion. Where is that recognized? Are we a race, a culture only? Personally, I don't believe this to be true. We might be those but we also have a belief system. Other races (African-American, Hispanics, etc.) are all defined by cultural similarities but they don't all believe in the same ideologies. In order to identify yourself with Judaism (really and truly-not just by birth) you HAVE to have the belief in one G-D. That belief is a significant reason why we have been persecuted throughout the past. And that doesn't seem to be a focus. This Museum and Education Center has made this all about history. Their approach is intellectual, not emotional. And while I guess that has a place, I think that is a gross inservice to those that experienced the horror of that time.

As I have stated previously, these are just my perceptions. They do not reflect anyone else's views. Even though I started writing this post weeks ago, I am still feeling pretty emotional about it. It still just doesn't sit right with me.

What do you think? Am I way off in left field? Or do I make sense?

Yikes!!

2009-12-14T14:03:00.015-06:00

Even though it seems like I forgot about this blog, I really haven't!!

Just busy. Oh, and every time I come up with a topic it's usually when I am falling asleep and then I forget about my genius inspiration!! Like the acrostic I was making about snow.

Stupid
Nasty
Over the top
Weather

I think that was what I thought. But then I thought that I would prefer snow over 7 degree weather any day. I didn't want to dis snow too much. Because that bone-crushing cold that freezes your nose hairs just is too unpleasant!

------------------------

I might have previously mentioned that my 7th and 8th grade students are learning about he Holocaust. Last week the 8th graders participated in a very moving lesson that the language arts teacher planned. We put a quote up on the board from Charles Dent:

"We in the United States should be all the more thankful for the freedom and religious tolerance we enjoy. And we should always remember the lessons learned from the Holocaust, in hopes we stay vigilant against such inhumanity now and in the future. "

We passed out post-it notes and had the students write 3 ways they could improve or grow (and to be honest about it). I wrote one too. Then the students got up in front of the class and were able to share something they had written. Some kids apologized to specific peers that they previously made fun of. Others talked about taking responsibility for their actions, etc. You get the idea. My main focus on my post-it is that I that I need to learn how to be more assertive with my peers and colleagues. I am putting it out here so I can hold myself accountable. People who know my IRL know that I intensely dislike confrontation. (Funny that I picked special ed, where I confront children all day long-but that's a topic for a different time). I have recently realized that I also don't want to be disliked by others, so often I don't share something that is in disagreement with others. But that needs to change.

I have already had 2 opportunities at work to improve on this character trait. One involved advocating for my students involving a potentially harmful situation. I wrote an assertive e-mail (with assistance!) and that spurred the powers that be to take action. I will admit to feeling proud of myself about that.

The other situation was simply a difference of opinion with a general ed teacher. Which will always be the case-we are coming from 2 different viewpoints. And in a school setting it is good and puts a balance in the system to have both those viewpoints. But I felt uncomfortable speaking my opinion. But I did it. And I am learning not to care so much about what others think of me. (I should be past this at 32 years old, but I guess there is always room to change)!

It's always nice when the topics I am teaching apply to me as well!

I'll end now-I am rushing off to a professional development (tons of meetings lately).

But remind me to tell you my complaint about the Holocaust museum (I had a meeting there last week).

I promise you will laugh

2009-12-02T20:29:00.005-06:00

You must check out this website!!

It is HILARIOUS and slightly disturbing.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Just check it out.

I might have to get me some free entertainment and take a trip to Wal-mart in the near future!

I seem to start but can't finish

2009-12-02T13:38:00.010-06:00

I have started 2 posts but can't seem to finish them.

I just am not in the mood to write about deep thoughts.

I am in the mood to curl up under my covers, have stacks of books around me, lots of coffee-hot chocolate-tea (I like all hot drinks), and just read the days away.

Not getting to do a lot of that unfortunately.

I have been thinking a lot about health lately. How grateful I am that my kids are healthy. That they have a stable 2 parent home. How I am able to give them healthy food (and they like to eat it!) How they like to read books and want to spend time with their parents. How even though I like to shop at thrift stores for their clothes, I don't have to. How even though they fight like siblings do, they are essentially polite and respectful children. How they care about those less fortunate than them. I am thankful for all of that.

This thankfulness stems from a meltdown I had at work last Wednesday before Thanksgiving. No, I didn't have a temper tantrum, it was more of an emotional meltdown. I just felt defeated, like what I do doesn't make a difference. In my head I know that's not true, but sometimes it seems like my students just don't care. About themselves, each other, their community. . . And that makes me sad. Just plain sad. When you don't care about yourself, you certainly don't care about other people.

I LOVE what I do. I couldn't do this job if I didn't. But sometimes it is so hard to put all your heart and soul into something and not see growth. I am not expecting perfection, just growth and maturity. Both of which were in short supply last Wednesday. I want so so much for my students to grow up to be successful adults. But I can't want it more than they do or more than their parents want it for them.

It's a week later and I am over the defeat. It's the little things that make a difference. I have seen small steps: 2 students who usually want to tear each other's throat out worked together today, a student that was so difficult last Wednesday wrote me a letter apologizing for her behavior, a student that can't read tapped out the sounds of words AND worked independently! (I actually told my him I wanted to do a jig, I was so happy!) Can you tell I am enthusiastic? I guess I learned that enthusiasm isn't constant, it ebbs and flows.

I am deeper than I thought.

Not in the mood.

2009-11-20T09:09:00.007-06:00

To Blog.

I just haven't been in the mood to write. It might be that I mostly write my posts at work and it has been one BUSY week.

Or maybe I'm just not in the mood to write.

I just don't feel like detailing all the mundane details of my life.

However, I will do a little complaining. (I always have room for that!)

Last Sunday we took the kids to Chuckie Cheese's (I had a coupon-it's such cheap entertainment!). And watching the people that go there is entertaining too. There was the mom that let her small children run up the skeeball ramp to put the balls in the holes. Really?

And then there was the mom that let her son put at least 25 tokens in a row in the game he was playing. So he could play it non-stop even though there was a long line of kids waiting for the game.

Am I the only one who thinks that is WRONG? I was trying to think of a way to tell her this but I thought I would lose my temper, so I didn't. ( I really, really need to learn how to be more assertive!) Those kinds of things bother me so much because of the lessons that it (doesn't) teach children. What about respect for others? What about taking turns? ARRRGH-it makes me angry just to think about it. At least my daughter waited nicely, and it was a teachable moment for us-why we don't do stuff like that.

In other areas, I finished in a perfect world and DID NOT like it. Sure, the writing was great, but I hated the topic. I don't like books that have "alternate realities"-things that could/might happen in the (near) future. I just get so disturbed, unhinged really. It screws with my perspective of the world and that is NOT a good thing. And it didn't really give a hint to it on the back of it. (Another book like this is The Road by Cormac McCarthy-which I read, and I heard they are making into a movie, which I WILL NOT be watching). Anyway, the Borders cashier recommended it, I will not be listening to her again. Although in her defense, she hadn't read it- she just said her friends liked it. LIAR!! Ok, I'm being a little (a lot) harsh, but that's the mood I'm in.

I am finishing another book called In the Heart of the Canyon by Elisabeth Hyde. It's fiction, about a whitewater rafting trip in the Grand Canyon. The topic is a little light, but well-written and I certainly needed that after the aforementioned book. I'm almost done, and then it will be on to the next one I got out of the library. I am in a reading mood I guess (more than normal).

I would like to get my act together and start/finish a knitting project. Maybe thanksgiving will be a good time-the baby blanket I was making for my nephew is now a toddler blanket.

This morning I made zucchini bread and brownies, washed dishes, cleaned out the fridge, showered (baby also), took care of some other odds and ends for Shabbos-so I do feel like I accomplished something. (I guess I did throw in some mundane details after all).

Now I have to go accomplish something at work-time to go write an IEP.

Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T06:40:00.004-06:00

I know I wrote about my dad on Memorial Day but I didn't want to let this day go by without mentioning him again.

But instead of my words, read his.

I read this article to all the middle school classes yesterday and it was a little surreal. So many of these kids haven't been out of this city and don't have a lot of knowledge about history or the rest of the world. So I felt it was important to show/remind them that there many unselfish, brave people that sacrifice their lives and their safety just so we can have ours.

I used to think "Yay, a day off of school." I still think that (I am a teacher after all, and everyone likes a day off!) but now I am conscious of the reason.

So, thank you to all those soldiers and sailors who have fought for us. And thank you to those who are fighting now. You are appreciated!

Finished and Starting

2009-11-10T14:34:00.007-06:00

Ok, here's the books I just finished reading and the one I am starting.

Finished:

Farm City by Novella Carpenter

Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay

Both of these were great and I highly recommend them.

Farm City is about a woman who lives in Oakland in the middle of the ghetto, in spite of this, she starts a farm. She uses the abandoned lot next door and plants a huge garden, raises chickens and bees. She also raises other animals for food, but I will leave that as a surprise for those people that want to read the book. I found this book really inspiring and hope to do some research to turn my backyard into a vegetable producing garden next summer (I always grow something but usually not very well). I also found it fascinating because she is combating the processed food that most people in the inner city eat because it's cheap and easy to get. I teach kids that eat only that kind of food and it is a travesty. Their favorite foods are soda and hot chips. And I am not kidding. Some of them eat only one fruit or vegetable in a week. We have "universal breakfast" at our school-where ALL the students get breakfast no matter their income. You would not believe how much fruit is leftover from breakfast everyday!! But here I go again getting off topic. This was well-written and really kept my attention even when she got slightly technical. If you like reading non-fiction I would suggest this book.

Switching topics, Sarah's Key is a fictional account of a little known event that occurred during WWII. The deportation of thousands of French Jews to Auschwitz carried out by the French police. I had no ideas this happened and was shocked and dismayed. I don't often read Holocaust books anymore, but my curiosity was piqued by this book (probably also because my 7th and 8th graders are reading Maus). This was emotional, gut-wrenching, and thought-provoking. It was also an easy read-I read it in a day and a half. If you like to read serious topics, I would definitely suggest checking this out.

I am starting in a perfect world by laura kasischke simply because I heard such wonderful things about it. I hope it lives up to the expectations. If you want to read it along with me, feel free.

Hard Work

2009-11-04T10:57:00.007-06:00

Blogging is hard work when you're busy.

And I've been busy, but have that feeling that I have nothing to show for it. It's just the business (busyness) of life.

We had a birthday party for M on Sunday- it was a great party but it ate up the whole day which is significant when you work full time. That is my day for errands, catching up on stuff, etc. So I feel like I have been playing catch up all week.

And not just at home. The same thing is going on at work. The quarter ends this Friday so every teacher is giving tests and I just feel so overwhelmed. I HATE GRADES!! I know I am not supposed to say that, being a teacher and all, but I do. I REALLY DO. But that's a soapbox for another time.

I spoke to a friend last night who literally lives about 10 houses away and we could not figure out any time to talk/get together. Doesn't that mean we are too busy?

Plus, the husband is SICK. And you know what that means. I feel like I've been a single parent for the last 2 and 1/2 days. Except he DID make dinner last night so I'm not completely alone. But I have been running around exhausted taking the kids places (swimming, gymnastics) that by 7 o'clock I am seriously worn out.

I'm just whining. But I need to. I am tired of rushing everywhere. I am not naturally a fast moving person (think: turtle) but I have learned how to move fast and use my time effectively since I have had kids. But it really wears me down. I don't like to rush or squeeze things in, just so I can get everything done. I get stressed-I don't know how people do it and NOT get stressed. If there is a secret I'd like to know it.

Anybody know any?

I can't believe it's been a year

2009-10-27T09:21:00.017-05:00

Since Baby M was born.

Yesterday was her 1 year birthday. Seriously, where did the time go?

I've mentioned before that all my kids have strong personalities. M is no exception. She knows her own mind, what she likes and dislikes and has known that from a very early age. She likes to eat chicken, meat, avocados, carrots, yogurt, cream cheese sandwiches. She doesn't like baby food. She likes to sleep but doesn't like it when we put her in her crib. She likes to suck both thumbs, it doesn't matter which one as long as she has one.

She has never been a crier. Even when she was a newborn, she barely cried when she was hungry or dirty. When she did cry we knew something was wrong because she did it so infrequently. That's not to say she was a lump. She was very alert and met all milestones but just communicated with us in a much quieter, gentler way. In fact, there were times I would forget about her because she was such a good baby and I was busy with the other children. She has always been a great sleeper, the other girls are always up before I even her noises coming from her room. I say noises because she usually doesn't cry when she wakes up. She just lets us know she's awake.

As she has grown I have watched her communicate with pointing and making noises but she still does not cry very often (she does yell at dinner when she wants to eat-we can't get the food on her tray fast enough!). She watches her sisters and loves it when they play with her, even when they play rough. M is slow to get angry or annoyed with her siblings and often when she sees them her face breaks out into a huge smile and she holds her arms out to them to be held. When we try to give her something she doesn't want, she shakes her arm back and forth to let us know. She loves people!! All people, even strangers. She has no stranger anxiety and loves to be held by other people (of course I am choosy who I let hold her), she would go to anyone if she could. That's how friendly she is.

She looks so much like her sisters (so people say) but her face is changing-she is definitely becoming her own person. I always find it so interesting that even from the moment they are born, babies have their own personalities and temperament. I have seen that be true for all of my children. Their temperament has stayed with them as they have grown. As a parent, it has certainly been an eye-opening experience to learn how to parent each child according to their own temperament.

Baby M has a sweet and loving disposition. I hope I am able to nurture that so she becomes a sweet and loving child. She has truly added so much love to our family.

Our year in pictures:

Talk About. . . While I'm Falling

2009-10-25T19:55:00.007-05:00

It's funny that I am watching Baby M take some of her first steps while I am getting ready to talk about a book that has falling in the title. She is doing as much falling as walking but she is so determined I wouldn't be surprised if she is walking by the end of the week.

Anyway, it's finally time to share your thoughts (the good, bad, and the ugly) about the book While I'm Falling. Here's a synopsis from the jacket ( I know I'm cheating but gimme a break ok?).

". . . presents a compelling depiction of how one young woman's life changes when her family breaks up for good.

Ever since her parents announced that they're getting divorced, Veronica has been falling. Hard. A junior in college, she has fallen in love. She has fallen behind in her difficult coursework. She hates her job as counselor at the dorm, and she longs for the home that no longer exists. When an attempt to escape the pressure, combined with bad luck, lands her in a terrifying situation, a shaken Veronica calls her mother for help-only to find her former foundation too preoccupied to offer any assistance at all."

You get the idea. Maybe I should get a job writing summaries for book jackets. Get paid to read books and then write a few paragraphs about it. Sounds good to me. Uh, oh-getting off topic.

Back to the book. Whoever was nice enough to follow me in my search to read-what did you think of this one? Did you like the content? What about the writing? I find the older I get, the less that fiction holds my interest, unless it is really well written. Whereas before I would read any fiction I took off the shelf of the library, now I am a little more discerning.

I thought the author has a great writing style but the actual content seemed a tad immature. Even though I think that's what she was going for. But still. I'm not sure I really want to read about college juniors making poor decisions. Don't they all do that?

Ok, enough from me-what did you think?

You might be bored. . .

2009-10-21T10:02:00.008-05:00

Not much has happened of late.

Kids going to school, schedule resumed.

Life is actually pretty calm. Which is really wonderful. And I do mean that. But doesn't give much in the way of blogging.

I'm a little stumped for topics.

I did start reading some new blogs last night (it's really addicting once you start) and I did realize something. Just an observation that I made. Many people have blogs that keep them somewhat anonymous. Most of their audience is made up of people who don't know them in real life (IRL). My case is the opposite. Most of the people that read my blog are people that I know. I haven't tried to promote this blog in any way or broaden my audience. Which is fine-I started this for me, not for any other reason. But, since most people know me I can't share everything I probably would if people didn't know who I was. I guess I am afraid of judgement and of being too personal. Sometimes I wish I could just say whatever I want. Although it seems the older I get, the more I do that anyway.

That's my deep thought of the week.

----------------------

Little T did say something funny a while ago. She asked me to buy a new house, one with a pool. I explained that houses are a lot of money ( I even told her "hundreds of thousands of dollars"). I asked her if she had that much money. She said no and then told me she had an idea.

Her words "If we all lost our teeth and put our money under our pillows, we could save up the money the tooth fairy gives us and buy a house that way." You can imagine my face, I was not expecting her to say that. My response "Honey, I don't think the tooth fairy has that kind of money AND not one in our family would have any teeth left!" (in fact I know the tooth fairy intimately and she is in debt-of course I didn't say the last part). Sometimes I just cannot keep a straight face with that kid! She just cracks me up!! I really do try not to laugh though, she gets angry at me when I think she is funny and she wasn't trying to be. Which is basically all the time.

Anyway, that's all I've got. Let's talk about the book on Sunday evening around 8ish? Oct. 25th? Hope that works for everyone.

I finished the book

2009-10-14T11:24:00.022-05:00

I have been remiss (ok, I happen to like that word) in not sharing that I finished the book ( While I'm Falling by Laura Moriarty)about a week ago!!

Sorry!!

Anyway, I was thinking of maybe doing a new format-what about if everyone who read the book left a comment on this post? Or do we like the "talking" format and we should set a time?

Let me know-it's probably better for me to talk about the book sooner rather than later-otherwise who knows what I might forget!

Anyway, this post was just supposed to be about the book but then something wonderful happened. Again- for the second time!

I found out about another Dominick's that is closing (Foster and Sheridan) and almost everything is 50% off. So of course I had to go. And of course I did not have my coupons with me yesterday (they are heavy-but I am starting to leave them in the car) so I had to drive all the way home just to drive all the way back to almost where I work. But it was worth it. I got so much food and saved so much money!!

Now, I am not a coupon guru like Sara or Shosh but I am trying to learn. So I have hesitated to share when I find good deals because I can't go into a store, walk out with a ton, and have spent nothing. But I am going to share now because I just got so much I can't resist talking about it!

Here are some pictures of my spoils:

So here is a rundown of what I bought:

2 bags of goodnites (like pullups), 4 cans of stir-fry veggies, countless bags of bisli, 1 can of frosting, 5 boxes of jello pudding, 2 boxes of lipton tea, 2 powdered creamers (for work), jars of bbq sauce and marinades, icing and a number 1 candle (M is turning 1 in a week), 2 cans of enchilada sauce, 1 jar crushed garlic, 2 jars of pickles, 1 bottle rice vinegar, 4 muffin mixes, 2 bags of sliced almonds, 1 box of cornflake crumbs, 2 cans chicken soup, a number of bags of kosher candy, 3 boxes of immodium (don't ask), 2 sudafed, 1 advil, 1 kids mucinex.

Not pictured: 8 boxes of pizza bagels, 1 morningstar farms, 1 box cinnamon waffles, and 2 pantyhose. Oh, and a bunch of snacks that are a cross between fruit roll-ups and fruit leather. Which I am annoyed that I bought because they were not half-off-they were considered produce and I didn't know that til after I bought them. But at least they are healthy.

I ended up spending $138. 06 as you can see by my receipt.

But I saved $153.83. That is a total of $291 dollars worth of groceries!!! I am proud of myself because I mostly bought kosher brands of food that don't go on sale (they had a lot of kosher food there, not sure why) and also lots of medicine.

I hope I get to go back!! I now have a $5 off of $50 coupon that is burning a hole in my pocket and I NEED to use it. This coupon stuff is a little addicting I think. I hope this wasn't too boring!! But if anyone is hungry feel free to stop by!!

I have the best husband ever!

2009-10-09T10:34:00.008-05:00

Guess what my husband did yesterday. Maybe these pictures will help you figure it out.

He took the day off and took all 4 girls to the zoo. Bad weather and all. While I was at work. These 2 gorillas were sleeping curled up together holding each other. Aren't they cute? But not as cute as the cutie pie who was looking at the gorillas!

Anyway, I am super impressed with my husband for taking them out-it is hard work taking all 4 them anywhere by yourself. So I am publicly thanking him for his hard work!!

And the hard work just continues. . . with all the cooking that is being done for Yom Tov. Which he is doing most of. While watching 4 children. And working from home. Because you guessed it, I'm at work today. I will do the baking but he will do probably everything else. Whoever said men can't multi-task? Oh, wait that was me. Well, he has certainly learned how after 11 years of marriage.

So thanks honey, you are the BEST!

My descriptive skills are lacking

2009-10-08T21:26:00.003-05:00

Here is a pic of the boots ( or as close as I could get):

Seriously? Maybe my style judgement is off but these just seem tacky to me. Oh, and just to prove they are trashy, when I was trying to upload a pic of it at work, my computer would not let me go to the website. I got warned that I was going to an inappropriate site. So there. However, I think I have talked this topic to death so I'm done.

Shiny. Purple. Boots.

2009-10-07T10:59:00.018-05:00

Just to take care of some business from my last post-finna basically means "I'm fixing to. . . " Although it is used in many different ways and doesn't always seem to make sense to my ears. I have to keep up with the slang so I know what my students are saying!

__________________

Ok, new topic. This is funny because it is not what I planned to write about. But I saw something I considered funny/ridiculous when I was leaving Jewel yesterday and I think I just need to share.

I saw a frum (religious) Jewish woman walking to her car. Of course, I looked at what she was wearing (don't we always do that?) and was quite surprised at what I saw. (I don't know her so I am assuming she doesn't read this blog-I think she is from NY, so I feel safe writing this). If you know her, I'm sure she is a very nice person. Anyway, she was wearing all black with a shiny purple belt. That was fine. Until I looked at her shoes. Knee-high. Very Shiny. Bright Purple Boots. They matched the belt of course.

She looked like a streetwalker. Is that the nice way to say it these days? Hooker? Call girl?

Which then made me wonder: did she know that is what she looked like and didn't care? Or was she totally naive and not know and just think they were pretty?

I happen to like clothes. A lot. I have a walk-in closet full and always feel like I could buy more (much to my husband's dismay). I like trendy things and like to stay in style. Sometimes that leads me to make poor decisions about what I buy. Like the red pleather jacket (bad thrift store find). Or the hand-knitted sweater and skirt combo (again bad thrift store find). But I usually manage not wear them-someone stops me from making a fool of myself. But those clothes, as tacky as they are, are NOT slutty. I firmly believe there is a line between form fitting clothes and slutty clothes.

Clothes define who we are more often than not. Some people don't care what they look like and you can tell that just by looking. Some people have the latest trends as soon as they come out. Both of those styles send a specific message. Boots like that send a specific message. At least I think they do. Even though this girl was totally covered (modesty-wise) she still looked trashy to me. Is that possible? Those boots were just calling out for attention.

I think I am especially sensitive to this issue because I work with middle school boys. Who are, ahem, thinking about only one thing. Everyone knows what that is, right? And if you don't, you must have your head in the sand. But the girl students that I work with, more often than not, come dressed in clothes that are inappropriate for their bodies. We do have a uniform code, but even when they follow that they can still look hoochie (I am using a lot of words I wouldn't really use in real life-don't judge). Ultimately, as I am writing this I think it comes down to respect. Respect of your body. When you send a message to the world that you don't respect your body, why should anyone else?

As frum Jews, I really believe that even if clothing follows the modesty to the"letter of the law" there is also the spirit in which it is worn. And I do think you can be immodest even when you are all covered up.

Please don't think I am writing this because I think I dress perfectly. Because I don't. I have my own challenges with things I want to wear that are borderline. But those boots just struck a nerve. And while I am far, far from perfect I do try to be cognizant and aware of my clothes and how they might affect other people around me.

Ok, enough preachy talk for today. Go enjoy the beautiful weather we are having because it only lasts a minute in Chi-town!

Random but interesting facts about me

2009-10-01T13:37:00.005-05:00

Nothing interesting has happened lately.

I did get the book from the library, haven't started reading it yet-I was thinking the end of Oct. for discussion?

So, I thought maybe I would tell you some things about myself that you do not know. Except I just re-read my 16 Things About Me post and now have to rack my brain to think of other things. Am I really that boring? I just might be.

Let's see:

1. I HATE scary movies. And I mean HATE. Ever since I saw Silence of the Lambs. Terrifying. I hate that feeling.

2. Speaking of things I hate and am scared of I have an irrational fear of moths. Not butterflies, just moths. They are so quiet and sneak up on you and then flutter around. I find it creepy.

3. I get really enthusiastic when I teach and often make a fool of myself in front of my students. I dance around, say silly things and just act weird. They seem to like it and it gets them to do their work. So it's all good.

4. I don't enjoy driving at night. I feel like a little old lady but it's true. The glare of the lights bothers my eyes.

5. Speaking of eyes, I am freaked out by any medical procedure having to do with eyes. I am not a squeamish person (I even watch them take my blood) but anything having to do with eyes freaks me out.

6. I like to make desserts but don't often eat them. I like to have them in my house, ready and available, if I might want to eat them. Sounds crazy doesn't it? Oh, and bakery items are not the same-they need to be homemade. My husband has learned to accept it and doesn't argue with me anymore when I make extra desserts.

7. Almost every room in our house is painted a different color. There is not one white room in the house. That's because when we lived in our apt. and then when we bought our house we ONLY had white walls and hated them. So now we have rooms that are orange, olive green, and red among others.

8. My mom made me take a typing class in high school even though I didn't want to. It was one of the smartest things I ever did. (I think watching adults hunt and peck on the keyboard is funny). Thanks, Mom!

9. Big groups of people make me nervous.

10. I love bargain shopping and rarely buy anything NOT on sale. Food, clothes, anything. It's sort of my own competition with myself. I do like to shop though, so I probably don't end up saving much money overall.

11. I remember my first "bad" grade. I was in 4th grade and I got a C in grammar. I still do not like grammar and I don't like teaching it either. Who needs proper English when you can say things like "finna"(I will give points to whoever knows what that means!)?

12. I don't appreciate music but I try really hard because my husband is very musical and it means a lot to him. But a lot of music sounds the same to me (although after 11 years of marriage I have grown a true appreciation for Metallica).

That's all I got. Wait, that's not proper-it should be: that's all I have. But that just doesn't sound as good!

Struggling. . . and then not (so much)

2009-09-29T12:18:00.006-05:00

I've been meaning to write for days (does every post of mine start this way?) but time really got away from me this past week. Besides for the fact that it was Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur was coming up, I had to give a presentation to all the other teachers at my school about differentiated instruction at work on Friday ( and I was really nervous).

So I've been kinda busy.

I really want to talk about R"H and Y"K. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this. And if I am that's fine and I'll be my own support group of one. But since I've had kids, I always find it hard to move (my head) back and forth from the mundane to the spiritual. The physical acts of taking care of kids seems to leave me no room to feel the spirituality of the day.

On R"H it was really hard. Our schedule was really thrown off, I didn't have a seat in shul, the shofar blowing was not good (both because the person blowing and the fact that EVERYONE brought their noisy kids into shul-I did not). It was not the best of holidays for me. I have been known to be resentful and grouchy on such days. I don't mind taking care of the kids, but I should also be a perfect Jew and daven and have kavanah (concentration)-that just seems too hard.

Y"K is always hard depending on how well I fast. I am an inconsistent faster, sometimes I fast great and sometimes I throw up and get headaches. Luckily, this time I fasted well. But I did not attempt to go to shul or even daven until 4 pm. And the reason for that? Besides the fact that my children were fighting every 10 minutes, I just wasn't feeling it. Fasting had to be enough at that point. But that afternoon, I felt like I should daven. So I did. I said Mincha, Neilah, and some extra tefilos (prayers) while my children pulled on my clothes, tattletaled on each other, and I even pushed the baby in the stroller at one point.

I can't force myself to feel something I don't. I do think the awareness of "not feeling" or "not feeling the way I am supposed to feel" is a bit of feeling itself. Confused? So am I. But this is it. Being so immersed in the physical world takes it's toll. Am I crazy? Do other people feel this way? I was feeling really discouraged about it yesterday until I davened and tried to feel some of the meaning of the day.

I am still discouraged. But I am trying to forgive myself a little bit and just be the best person I can be-as a Jew, as a mom, as a wife, and as a teacher.

---------------

I haven't gotten the book yet, maybe today? When I get it I will give everyone a timeline.

I've Chosen

2009-09-22T06:46:00.004-05:00

I was reading a gossipy magazine while waiting for Lulu at OT. And (gasp!) they review books.

Many caught my eye.

So I've chosen the next one to read.

It's called While I'm Falling by Laura Moriarty.

It got a good review in this magazine. So I am taking their word for it.

I am not buying it. I put it on hold at the Chicago Public Library (it seemed like there were many copies available) and I will let you know when I get it.

Go reserve it now!!

It's getting a little ridiculous

2009-09-21T10:07:00.007-05:00

I fully admit my book hoarding tendencies. But it hit a new level of craziness on Friday.

I went to the library on my way home from work. And decided to look up a book that Shalva recommended-the one by Tracy Kidder. It was actually on the shelf and I checked it out and was so happy to take it home. A few hours later my mil called and among other topics of conversation she asked me to pick out a few books for her from my stash. I went upstairs right away to pick her out some books (I didn't want to forget) and as I was looking, guess what I saw? The book by Tracy Kidder, on my shelf.

Just sitting there, waiting to be read.

Which I didn't know I had. Because I have so many books I don't even remember the books I own.

Lest I give you the impression that I spend all my money on books, I don't. Yes, I have bought books at Borders (that started when I was working on National Board Certification and I did my work there and then needed to reward myself) but I ONLY buy the sale ones. And I usually buy my books secondhand at resale stores and used book sales. So in my defense, if a book catches my eye in one of those places I will usually get it. But I won't have had the intention to buy it. Which is how I can forget I own it. Because I didn't know I wanted it in the first place. Or I guess my memory is suffering from having 4 kids and working full time. I'll let you make your own judgements.

Now about picking a book to read. I'm scared. What if I pick a book everyone hates? Then everyone will think my taste in books is terrible. The first book I chose, I cheated a little bit. I had already read a book the author wrote previously. So I knew he was a good writer. Also, I started reading the book before I suggested it so I knew it was interesting. So as long as people promise not to judge me for my selections-I'll pick something this week.

Maybe I should look on my book hoarding shelf for ideas?

Dominick's deals and Screen eating squirrels

2009-09-13T11:48:00.007-05:00

Friday and Saturday were not normal days. Nothing bad, just different.

After work on Friday I stopped at a Dominick's on the way home which was about 3:30. I was looking for something specific which they didn't have. As I looked around the store, I saw lots and lots of people. And those people were filling carts and carts with stuff! I was very confused until I looked at some signs on the wall that read "Everything in the store 50% off (except the liquor)!" Well, you can imagine how excited I felt-I grabbed a basket and started putting cans of formula in it. Formula alone can bankrupt a person so I am always looking out for deals. Then I started with other items: juice, lunch bags, detergent. It turns out they are liquidating their stock to close the store and then remodel/reopen it. It is grungy and run down but the food is the same there as anywhere!!

There was one sad part to this story however. I didn't have my coupons with me!! I usually carry them everywhere or leave them in the car but I wasn't prepared on Friday. So of course, I had to go back. 2 hours before Shabbos! With construction traffic everywhere. It ended up that I got home an hour before Shabbos and still had to shower me and the baby (did I mention I took her back with me and her diaper leaked and that still didn't stop me)! So good deals abounded but it was a strange way to enter Shabbos.

But my joy was marred by a screen eating squirrel Shabbos afternoon. We left the kitchen window open and a squirrel chewed through it and started eating food on my counter. I don't know if I can describe how terrifying it was to walk into my kitchen and see food and other items strewn all over the counter and sink! Thank G-d the squirrel was gone, maybe all the noise we make scared it off. I threw away everything on the counter and now we have to replace the screen!! The squirrels in this city are truly a menace-I can think of a few creative ideas to get rid of them.
Poison. . . Traps. . .Larger animals that eat squirrels. . . BB guns? Maybe I should call my alderman with some suggestions?

I am so tired this week-getting back into the swing of things of working full-time has been hard. I did use some of my precious free time finishing The White Queen by Phillipa Gregory. It was reeeeeeaaaaaaaaally good! It focuses on the time period of the War of the Roses (York v. Lancaster for any history buffs out there). She did a great job with the main character. Still waiting for some book suggestions. Waiting. . . and waiting. . .

Moving On

2009-09-09T18:12:00.003-05:00

Baby deleted post I just wrote.

And I was going to say I miss her now that I am back at work.

Oh well, what I wrote probably wasn't good enough to publish and she just saved me from embarrassment.

And I do miss her. A lot. When I see her in the afternoon and evenings she wants me to hold her for hours. Literally. She yells her head off when I put her down. Which makes it hard to get anything done around the house AND my back hurts. But that's ok because she's only 10 months once. Before I know it she'll be a year and then two. So I am happy to hold her while she still wants to be held.

I'm getting off topic, though. In other news, the engineer and construction workers finished my classroom. Over Labor Day weekend. It looks beautiful, no holes in the ceiling or burst pipes sticking out of the floor! I am getting high off the fumes from the sealant they used to finish the floors. Even with all the windows open and 2 fans going. But I am really appreciative of all the hard work they did-I need to get them a present! Maybe I should give them the 2 Brittney Spears tickets my bro-in-law with Downs Syndrome won. (He's lucky like that).

Also, I am not feeling well. I have a sinus infection and finally went to the doctor today to get some meds. I feel yucky and achy and have been fighting it for a week. Now the drugs have to fight it for me.

Reading-wise I am having a hard time carving out time to finish anything. But I am trying. I read Best Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner. Not my favorite of hers ( a little too predictable) but a light read. I am reading The White Queen by Phillipa Gregory but I just started it so I can't say how good it is. It's historical fiction and if anyone likes that genre you are welcome to read it along with me. I have to finish it soon, it's due back at the library next week. I also can't verify how clean it is, although I don't think her books are too graphic or inappropriate. But that's a personal decision. I'm too tired to add links, so google the books if you want to know more.

That's the update for the week.

Grief filled day

2009-09-07T16:43:00.004-05:00

I just came back from a funeral for a 5 year old girl.

Horrible, Terrible, Tragic, Horrendous, Gut-wrenching, Unspeakably painful.

So many feelings. Such terrible hurt.

Too many tears. Not enough tears.

No mother should ever have to bury her child. Ever.

But Hashem decided that this little girl fulfilled her purpose here on Earth and took her back.

Hashem gives and Hashem takes.

But the pain is still there no matter what.

HaMakom Yenachem Eschem B'soch Sha'ar Avelei Tzion V'Yerushalyim.

Back to school and some laughs

2009-09-03T02:42:00.005-05:00

Getting back to school has been soooooo hard this year. Having kids in two schools, me going back to work, a fourth child to plan for; I'm not sure why it's been so hard.

The school supplies have been packed for weeks (I like school supplies, could be why I became a teacher??).

Uniforms bought and planned out for the year.

Afterschool programs planned out for the kids.

Lots of food/ diapers/ wipes /paper goods stocked up on so I don't have to run errands at this busy time of year.

And yet no matter how organized or prepared I am it seems that there is always some feeling of being overwhelmed and nervous about going back to routine and schedule. Don't get me wrong-the kids NEED to be in school and I like routine too. But I can't help but wonder how I will manage my life working full time and taking care of the kids and house too. I mean, the summer is hard enough. When fall comes I have to start adding another thing to think about-my students. ( Don't even get me started about the fact that they decided to do major construction in my classroom a week before school starts!! That equals no classroom for me AND I haven't set it up for the year yet! Which I guess is a good thing because it would all be ruined anyway.)

Then I start to think about all the holidays coming up and I am NOT prepared for that. Does Rosh Hashanah really have to be 3 weeks after school starts? That requires a whole other level of preparedness that I am just not ready to face. So I'll be in denial about that until I absolutely can't be in denial any more. I happen to like that coping strategy but I seem to be getting off topic.

Anyway, so many things to do and not enough time to do them all.

Might be why I am awake writing this post at 3 am.

But, I have been meaning to post 2 funny Little T stories that happened lately. That kid says the funniest things without trying to be funny and then gets mad when I laugh. Or retell the story. But sometimes I just can't help myself.

I did something really crazy last week and took all the kids to the doctor by myself. I know, I know it was stupid. But they all needed physicals before school and the thought of going to the doctor 3 separate times was enough to make my head spin. So I decided to grin and bear it. That visit could be a whole post by itself. But the reason I bring this up is because I tried to prepare Little T that she needed to behave while her other 2 sisters were being seen by the doctor (the baby just came along for the adventure). But Little T thought just they were going to have doctor appts. and she wasn't (I hadn't gotten to that part of preparing her yet). So she says(starting to cry) "But Mommy, I have problems too! I need to see the doctor too!" To which I responded "I know you have problems too, you are also seeing the doctor." She stopped crying and all was well. I think going to the doctor usually makes kids cry but we don't do usual around here!!

Yesterday when getting in the car the windshield was all foggy from all this crazy cold weather we've been having. So Lulu saw it and asked if it was spring outside. I told her no that spring comes before summer and now it's fall. Little T (in all seriousness) says "No it's not, nothing's fallen yet." We are quite literal around here. But then I started to think-she's right. What's with all this cold weather when the leaves haven't even started to change yet?

Oh well, it's too late at night to start pondering the mysteries of our wonderful/weird/annoying weather.

Here's to hoping everyone's back to school goes smoothly!!

I wish I was in Honolulu. . . BOOK TALK

2009-08-27T19:43:00.005-05:00

Edited: Well, we're done talking now. Thanks Shosh for reading the book and taking the time to comment!! Should I do this again? I will read no matter what but does anyone want to join me? And if so, does anyone have any book suggestions, this isn't a dictatorship you know-I wouldn't want to choose all the books if we continue this. Also, I am going to research ( read my husband will research) a better way to chat.

Thanks!!

~~Live Chat Now ( in the comments section)~~.
Ok, I'm not sure this will work or that anybody cares but here goes.

Here is a synopsis of the book Honolulu by Alan Brennert (credit goes to his website):

Honolulu is the richly imagined story of Jin, a young “picture bride” who leaves her native Korea—where girls are so little valued that she is known as Regret—and journeys to Hawaii in 1914 in search of a better life. Instead of the prosperous young husband and the chance at an education she has been promised, Jin is quickly married off to a poor, embittered laborer who takes his disappointments out on his new wife, forcing her to make her own way in a strange land.

Struggling to build a business with the help of her fellow picture brides, Jin finds both opportunity and prejudice, but ultimately transforms herself from a naive young girl into a resourceful woman. Prospering along with her adopted city, which is fast growing from a small territorial capital to the great multicultural city it is today, Jin can never forget the people she left behind in Korea, and returns one last time to make her peace with her former life.

I thought we could try and "discuss" the book in the comments section of this post. I don't like to get all english teachery so I thought we could just focus on our thoughts, feelings, opinions about the book.

Here we go . . .

Vacation in (some) pictures

2009-08-25T07:51:00.019-05:00

The universe seems to be stacked against me putting pictures on my blog. First, we can't find the cord to upload the pics from my blackberry (we're not sure it came home from vacation). Then, my husband gave me a card reader that doesn't work. Of course, I had to find that out the hard way. So, I am stuck e-mailing them to myself and then adding them which is a labor intensive process. Anyway, a lot of the better pics are on the husband's blackberry and my sister's camera (we would like to see those pics before we are old and gray :))

Here are some highlights:

We spent a day at Harper's Ferry and this a view from there. This is where the Potomac and Shenandoah rivers meet. It is really beautiful. Harper's Ferry was important during the civil war (John Brown, slave revolts-you get the idea) and I had to come here tons of time for school trips. (It's only about 20 mins from my parent's house, yes they live that close to West Virginia but don't count that against them). After 11 years of marriage, we FINALLY got my husband to go. He actually enjoyed it and so did the kids. And I never have to go again. EVER.

We all were really there. Not all following directions or turning around, but we did enjoy the view.

Big T playing air hockey. Against who? Daddy. Neither remember who won so it must have been fun for them both! We took them to Chuckie Cheeses in MD because I had a coupon for a boatload of tokens (we still have some left for another trip) and we needed to fill an afternoon after our trip to the kosher subway in Balto. Where we pigged out-all of us. Anyway, it's not the time to address my chuckie cheese issues but just know that I have them.

Lulu taking M on a ride. Don't they both look like they are having fun? Lulu is always thinking of others before herself. She took M on lots of these rides. Little story: we went to the national zoo ( hopefully pics will come later) and we told Lulu she could pick out a birthday present for herself. We're in the store; looking around, and the first item Lulu brings up to me is a panda bib for the baby. "We should get this for M, Mommy. She would like it." I had to remind her to find something for herself. Sometimes I forget she is only 7 years old.

So technically this picture was taken after we got back at the Museum of Sci and Industry. But I had to include it. In case you are wondering Little T is dissecting an owl pellet. Yep, owl throw up. She wasn't fazed at all and was so focused and intent, it was amazing! She used those tools like a professional and found lots of little rodent bones (that was the goal after all). Maybe she'll be a scientist when she grows up.

That's it for now. Just a few selected highlights. Hopefully, more will follow.

Just a reminder

2009-08-24T07:48:00.003-05:00

I really must make more time for blogging. . . must put it on the schedule with the other 10,000 things going on. . . .

I did just want to give a quick reminder of our book chat that is schedule Aug. 27 at 8 pm. Even if you have only read a bit of the the book (Honolulu by Alan Brennart) or haven't finished please feel invited to participate!! I can't wait to hear everyone's thought and opinions about the book!

Also, if anyone has any suggestions about an upcoming book please let me know. I have a few books on hold at the library but I would like to hear some other ideas.

Happy Reading!!

Reasons to love the East Coast/Maryland/Small town, USA

2009-08-20T08:13:00.001-05:00

1. Less sales tax. Yes, I have mentioned this before but I had to mention it again. Chi-town has the highest sales tax in the country at 10% while MD has only 6%.

2. Utz!!! Anyone who keeps kosher and has been to the East Coast knows about the best chips/popcorn/cheese curls ever! They are all kosher (they even have ones that are like cheetos) and you can buy them in regular grocery stores. They have every flavor you can think of (crab chip anyone-made with old bay seasoning, it's delicious!) I can't stop raving and every time I am on the east coast I make sure to stock up (that is a reason we drive). Nothing in Chi-town compares!

3. Kosher bread that can be bought anywhere. I think this post is becoming all about food but I can't help it. You can find hot dog buns, sliced bread, dinner rolls and you don't have to go to a bakery to get it. It's just sitting there on the bread shelf waiting to be bought.

4. Another food item I found-store brand kosher yogurt. In my quest for saving money I have always had the complaint that we don't have many yogurt choices. We have to buy certain brands and I only buy them when they are on sale and/or I have a coupon. Here I found an inexpensive store brand that I can buy. The kids eat tons of yogurt so I am impressed. Too bad I can't stock up on that.

5. The swimming pool. My parents have a community swimming pool that we can walk to. The girls looooove it! We spent many hours there this vacation.

6. The mountains!! Illinois is soooo flat. I have mainly gotten used to it but whenever I go back to the East I remember that the mountains are beautiful. Because my parents live in a small town you don't need to drive far at all to see nature. Farms, hills, grassy fields, even mountains are just a stone's throw away (and not a large stone)! I used to hate "small town life" and always considered myself a city girl but the older I get the more I appreciate the small town mentality and laid back living it offers. Okay, okay; maybe not "laid back" but at least calmer!

7. Produce stands on the side of the road. They are mini farmer's markets wherever you go. I saw them on the side of highways and roads. I think if you have a backyard garden you qualify to have a produce stand in MD! Great fruits and veggies for really cheap prices!

8. Smooth roads without potholes! Can you imagine? My husband was actually the one who noticed this since he did all the driving. The roads are paved nicely and there isn't constant construction either. And I am not just talking about small town roads. Major highways (270, 70) are a pleasure to drive on and you are not afraid to lose a hubcap or any other car part for that matter.

There you have it: a comprehensive list why you should at least visit the East Coast south of the Mason-Dixon line. Of course the best reason to visit is my wonderful family, but I'm not giving you mine you have to get your own!!

The long and short of it

2009-08-18T07:33:00.005-05:00

So I am going to take a quick break from vacation talk to commemorate an important day.

It's our 11 year anniversary today!!

I'm not really sure I believe it but it's true. I have been married to my charming, funny, handsome, able to fix anything, sometimes crazy, sometimes quiet, extremely smart, helpful around the house, always guesses surprises, knows me better than I know myself, Torah loving, analytically thinking, musically inclined, lover of power tools, insightful, good listener, likes sci-fi and fantasy books; husband for 11 years.

Part of me wants to say "Where did the time go?"

And another part of me wants to say "Wow, that's been a loooooong time!"

They're both true. How can I be old enough to have 4 kids and be married this long? I still feel like a teenager in some ways (do I really have to make adult decisions?). But it also feels like a long time because in the past few years we have entered another stage of marriage. We continue to learn new things about each other but it's not like when we first got married and we barely knew anything about living with the other person. We know each other's quirks, strengths and weaknesses, and in spite of or because of those things that make us who we are, we love each other more.

I know where he will put his dirty socks (not the hamper). I know his mood when he comes home from work. I know what I can say to make him laugh. I know how to pick out books he'll like from the library. He knows I need to pick my own books from the library. That I need some time in the morning to read or at least a few quiet minutes to get my head into the day. He knows that I am obsessed with making sure the laundry gets done frequently so I don't have a ton to do at one time. He knows what to say to make me feel better or calm down or feel good about myself. Of course, he also know what to say to rile me up too.

In this day and age when divorces are common and for some it is hard to find a partner, I feel truly blessed and appreciative of what I have. Not just to be married but to have a good marriage that we are both willing to continue to work on.

So bring on 11 more!! Happy anniversary Y!

Sorry I've been so neglectful

2009-08-17T06:07:00.005-05:00

I feel like my blog is a 5th child that I have been neglecting.

I'm sorry blog!! And to those readers out there who read my blog, I haven't forgotten to write. It's just with vacation and all the logistics that go along with it I have been hard pressed to find the time to write. I am working on a post about the trip. Hopefully it will include some pics (even though the best shots are on my sis's camera- the best camera ever-I have camera envy!) In fact, I hope to include some pics that Lulu took, she is becoming quite a photographer at the ripe old age of 7.

So a longer post is coming soon!!

On vacation

2009-08-03T19:16:00.004-05:00

Just a quick update- we are in Maryland visiting my fam.

We will be here for about 2 weeks or until they decide they are sick of us.

I hope to post and keep updating but between entertaining the kids and some internet problems out here in the boondocks I'm not sure how much time I'll have. I have a few topic ideas and some video to post so hopefully I'll get around to that too.

I'll leave you with a quick thought. Why do we live in the most expensive city ever? Everything is cheaper here in MD and even the tax is only 6%! In chi-town I wanted to get my wedding and engagement bands fixed (it's a long story but they both cracked all the way through) and the store wanted to charge me $400 dollars just to fix one ring. Here in MD we went to a jewelery store my mom knows does good work and they are charging less than $150 to fix both!!

I'm just saying. . . is Chicago that wonderful?

On that note, I'm going to go enjoy my time away! See you soon!

THANK YOU, back to books

2009-07-29T08:04:00.005-05:00

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to all of you who responded with such AMAZING support with my last post. Honestly, that wasn't why I wrote it. Sometimes I do write posts for that reason, I want everyone to agree with me (I'm a people pleaser and want everyone to like me but that is a WHOLE other post). Anyway, I really just wanted to share what was going on and the support everyone has given me was a wonderful extra bonus!! I really don't look at it like I am doing anything great or even like I have a choice. And as much as I like to "fit in" and be like everyone else in our community, I am not willing to sacrifice my children! Okay, that sounds extreme but you know what I mean!

------

Enough about that. I have been thinking about a blog book club and even though I have been thinking a long time about it I haven't come up with something I think will work wonderfully. So I decided to just start and see how it goes and adjust from there. And if it doesn't work, I'll still be over here reading so it's all good! I am going to choose a book that I was already going to read (but in the future I would like others to suggest books and maybe we could decide together?) Anyway, it's called Honolulu by Alan Brennert. It is a new book but I got it from the library very quickly. I am actually halfway through it and I am really enjoying it.

So I think the best way to "talk" about this book is to chat in the comments section at a specific time. How long should we have to read the book? How about Thursday Aug. 27 at 8 pm? I would like to try this before the school year starts and also give enough time for anyone who want to participate to get/read the book. Everyone can be at their computers and we can comment about the book to each other on my post-I'll write a short summary of the book. What do you think? Could this work?

next school year

2009-07-27T13:17:00.009-05:00

So a few post ago I mentioned that something different is happening with the kids. It's pretty final so I wanted to share our decision and why we made it.

We have decided to change schools for Lulu and Little T. They will be attending a jewish montessori school instead of the super conservative jewish day school they had been attending. Big T will still be going to the same school.

Why the change? There are many reasons that we thought this would be best for our kids. I am not going to use this post to disparge the school they were at. That is not my goal. However, as a teacher I have high standards and expectations that were not being met for my children. It's not entirely the school's fault. The education system is broken in our country for a lot of reasons. And the jewish day school system is not exempt from those problems. In fact, the jewish school system is often behind the times and might even have MORE problems.

But ultimately my kids weren't getting what they need to be successful. For Little T, we are trying to be proactive because we do not want her to experience failure during kindergarten, when Lulu's issues started.

I do not want anyone reading this to think that we haven't taken responsibility for our children and their behavior. I KNOW my children aren't easy. That they aren't docile, "cookie cutter " children. They push boundaries. They like to get their way. But don't all children? Seriously, though I take them to appts. and am open to any and all things that will help them. That has been one of the hardest parts for me-the mom and the teacher-that there seems to be no accountability in the jewish school system. Even though we have been more than open and accomodating and done everything they asked to help our children, they have/will not. And it's no one person's fault. It's the limitations of the system that they are in and the lack of knowledge/experience with anything even a little bit outside their perception of the "norm." And that makes me sad. But rather than fight to change the system (which I originally wanted to do) I am not. Because I would rather use that energy to spend time with and enjoy my kids. (And because of the advice of someone within the system who know the ins and outs as a teacher and parent who said it wasn't worth it.)

I am excited for this fresh start for them. I truly think the montessori approach will utilize my children's strengths and build up their weaknesses. Every parent that sends their kids to this school has only wonderful things to say about it. The director is truly there for the kids, you see it in her face and in the excitement in her voice when she talks about the students and the program. There is also a more diverse student popluation which I am happy for my children to experience and be part of.

Hopefully, this will be a smooth transition and a new beginning.

Sad

2009-07-22T11:31:00.007-05:00

Ugh. Ugh. Double Ugh.

I have been hearing sad news lately.

A co-worker who was pregnant lost her baby right around her due date.

Another friend found out upsetting news about her pregnancy. The ultrasound showed significant problems.

I am specifically not giving too many details on purpose. Suffice it to say nobody wants to hear news like this.

What do I do? What do I say? Having gone through my own difficulties I know that everyone needs to grieve differently and nothing you hear really makes you feel better. But I am reaching out to my therapisty friends (Rach, Chaviva, and anyone else out there)for advice. That's what this blogging world is for right?

I am listening and supportive but how do you listen without wanting to take away the other person's pain?

I am davening and saying tehillim but even that only provides small comfort for those experiencing such intense pain.

I have to think that there are hidden reasons that people have to experience this kind of pain and agony. We don't know what the reasons are or why but I know deep down that our suffering has a purpose. It is not useless.

I hope that Hashem will give me the wisdom to know how to help and what to say and when to say it.

What we've been watching

2009-07-19T11:42:00.006-05:00

We were at the Library last week, and observed a milestone with Little M. The older girls were reading their book for the reading program, and Little M was playing on the mat. She started crawling across the floor to get at a toy and I was able to capture it with my blackberry!

Yay, crackberry! I mean, yay Little M!

Enjoy the video!

My LOVE affair with reading

2009-07-15T10:52:00.007-05:00

Based on all the comments from my last post, I started thinking about why I enjoy reading so much. I am so passionate about reading and one of my favorite things to ask new people I meet is what they are reading. It helps me understand them, their likes and dislikes, and learn if we might have anything in common.

I have been this way ever since I can remember. As a kid I used to carry a book with me everywhere I went. Out to dinner with family, a car ride, it didn't matter. As a young girl, it wasn't unheard of for me to leave the library with 16 books in my arms, staggering to the car. I would hide from my mom in the bathroom reading. I would stay up late into the night reading. I would wake up in the morning and start reading.

Over the years, I have changed a little. I can't stay up late to read and it's not the first thing I do in the morning. But I still fit reading into my life. I always carry a book with me wherever I go, sometimes I carry 2 if I can't decide which one to read. I read even if I only have 5 minutes. I also hoard books because I will plan to read them someday.

It's hard for me to put into words why I like reading. It's solitary, it's escape, it's learning about new things all rolled into one activity.

And since I love talking and analyzing it stands to reason that I would love combining talking and reading together into a book club. So I am open to suggestions to start a book club. Leave me a comment with any suggestions on how to start one, pick books, discuss, or anything you feel strongly about. Anyone can participate!

I can't wait to get started!!

naturally natural, a pretty postcard

2009-07-14T11:11:00.008-05:00

I have so much to say but every time I think about blogging I just get overwhelmed! It seems like so much effort to write these days. But here goes.

I have a little obsession with birth. My husband would say it is a big obsession- I love to talk about it with everybody and anybody. I married into the right family because my mother-in-law is a doula (labor coach) and one of my sister-in-laws is becoming a childbirth educator. So you can imagine our conversations at any given time-all the men end up leaving the room because inevitably the topic of birth comes up.

No, I am not sharing my own birth stories with cyberspace. Except to say that I have never had an epidural with any of my labor experiences. Why am I sharing that? Because I just finished reading an amazing book: Adventures in Natural Childbirth. It is a collection of birth stories by women who gave birth naturally. Some of the women used midwives, obs, doulas, or were unassisted. The stories basically cover every type of birth, even c-sections and show that for as many different types of women in the world there are that many differences in birth.

What I continue to find as I get older and more experienced is that we enlightened Americans are really not so enlightened as far as the birth process. Our lack of education when it comes to labor and birth is astounding. I am not criticizing anyone's choices-it is extremely personal. However, I have never, ever felt so empowered as a woman and human being as I felt when I gave birth to my children. As I have written previously, I have do not have a simple history when it comes to this area. I have experienced many difficult things. And yet they were my experiences and I feel so strong as a result of feeling them. There is a difference between pain and suffering ( I am quoting my mil or sil, I can't remember which). When I have been in labor I have felt intense pain. But I am not suffering. It is supposed to be work. I am bringing a human being into this world. Could there be anything more miraculous?

Getting off soapbox for now. I do have to say it's a great book if you like reading birth stories. If you don't like them I wouldn't suggest reading it, it is pretty graphic.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANYWAY, in other parts of my life . . .

This wonderful postcard was sent to us in the mail by my super crafty sister. It is made from fabric and she sewed the pictures on too. I think she used stamps to write the words. Our address is on the other side but I am not sharing that with the entire internet. Even though I probably only have 2 faithful readers and they are in my family and know where I live anyway! As you can see, the creativity gene completely skipped me and went entirely to my talented and amazing sister. But that's ok as long as she gives me all her wonderful projects!

Blackberry Farm and Splash Country

2009-07-08T16:56:00.029-05:00

On Sunday we took a trip to Blackberry Farm and Splash Country. In Aurora. About an hour away. We went with my sister and brother-in-law and their 2 kids.

Blackberry Farm is a pioneer village with museums, hands-on activities for the kids, a carousel, train ride, pony rides, farm animals, and a wagon ride. We spend about 3 hours there and the kids loved it. The kids watched a woodcarver (the husband tried to steal the tools :), they carded wool, they saw a toad in the pond, and they pretended to milk a cow (it wasn't a real cow and just water came out). Everyone really enjoyed the trip!!

A really old log cabin with some really young kids! Aren't they adorable?

Not the best shot of me but here I am am with 4 out of 6 of the kiddos. Little T absolutely refused to turn around. Did you know they had picnic tables in the 1800's? Just kidding!

I usually prefer not to put pics of myself but I included this for one reason-my 4 year old nephew took this shot! Can you believe it? I think he has a future as a photographer!

Now some shots of the pony rides:

The family on the train ride. The next one is of Baby M sitting on the train next to Daddy.

Splash Country is an adjacent water park to Blackberry Farm. You can get tickets for both parks for just $3 more a ticket. It was well worth it! The water park wasn't too big but it was perfect for the kids. It has water slides, a lazy river, a pool with 0 ft. depth. We stayed for 2 hours but the kids could have stayed until it closed!

Ok, so not a lot of pics from the water park. Baby M would not look up at the camera! Just notice the old school bathing suit-that suit has been around since I was a kid. No, I didn't wear it! But I did put it on my dolls and my mom gave it to my kids to put on their dolls. So when I couldn't find a suit for Baby M and was packing up stuff to go on this trip I saw it lying on the floor on a doll. Voila! It fit perfectly. And since it's from the 80's, she's right in style!

After the water park we went to a park called Jericho Park and had a BBQ. We brought everything with us-grill, food, ice, plasticware, chairs, bug spray, pretty much everything but the kitchen sink. Actually, that probably would have been helpful too. But too heavy.

Anyway, we had a great time. There is a lake there and the kids loooooved watching people fishing. My girls are certainly NOT squeamish-they told one fisherman when he asked if he should keep the fish he caught or throw it back-"keep it!" He was impressed. I think they would have eaten it right there on the spot if we had grilled it!

It was such a super pleasant day. Everyone behaved and had fun. What more can you ask for?

Ok, this post has taken forever (putting pics on takes such a loooong time-why?) Time to go make fish tacos for dinner and check to see that the kids haven't totally destroyed the house.

the clock in the sky

2009-07-02T21:22:00.005-05:00

I know in previously written posts I have talked about Little T. I want to focus this post on her-my most stubborn, willful, independent child.

Little T is 5 years old. Sometimes she acts much younger and sometimes much older. I blame her behavior (read stubborn arguing) on her strawberry blond/almost red hair. She does have a fiery temperament and strong creative streak. She is extremely dramatic and loves to perform. But she also is my child who loves books and can sit and entertain herself for close to an hour reading books even though she can't read yet!

She is extremely picky about her clothes-she likes her socks pulled up all the way to her knees. She thinks turquoise matches red and pink. She made me paint the toenails on one foot pink and the other toenails on the other foot a different color.

She marches to the beat of her own drum. Actually, I don't think it's a drum it ,might be a keyboard. Or maybe a guitar.

Anyway, the reason this post came about was a conversation I had with her tonight while she was eating dinner and I was feeding the baby. Here goes:

Little T: "Mommy, Hashem had to work very hard to create the world."

Me: "Yes, that's true."

Little T: "He worked so hard then he needed a BIG, BIG rest."

Me: "Yep."

Little T: "Then he put a big clock/timer in the shemayim (sky) and that is how we know when holidays are."

(I have to admit that up until this point I hadn't really been paying attention. So I asked her to repeat-timer in the sky? What? So she told me again.)

Me: "Who told you this?"

Little T: "No one Mommy, I figured this out by myself. The clock tells when the holidays are so we know."

Me: "How did you get so smart?"

Little T (said in all seriousness): "Grandma."

You can imagine me laughing. I almost fell out of my chair. And then I had to call grandma right away and tell her. Now, I know who to ~~blame~~ give credit to! We had a good laugh together about Little T.

Thanks for being spunky and creative and your own person, Little T!! You certainly make life more interesting!

2 Adults+ 1 laptop= less blog posts

2009-06-24T07:05:00.007-05:00

We have been existing with only 1 computer (gasp!).

The husband has been working from home A LOT. I am happy about that, I really am. But the blog is getting ignored.

I wanted to write about the good deals I got this week (even though I do not profess to be a professional coupon saver or deal finder-I do occasionally find good deals and I AM a cheapskate).

I wanted to write about the art workshop I went to focusing on how to incorporate art into your classroom teaching. I wanted to show pictures of the projects I made.

I wanted to talk about my obsession with the show House Hunters. Not sure why I am obsessed. I am not looking to buy a house. But I do find it fascinating. And how my children are now obsessed with it too, they even guess which house they think the people will buy.

I wanted to post pics showing the great furniture finds that we found on craigslist and how we rearranged our house-I even took before and after photos! ( Haven't figured out how to get them off the blackberry and onto the blog but I'm sure my husband can help with that).

I wanted to post about Little T wanting to wear her bathing suit backwards and let it all hang out. Just a little too much naked, bare skin in the front for me.

I wanted to post about the tragedy of a small child dying and how you can feel so much pain but also be brought so close to G-d. Everyone is affected when something like this happens. Unbearable pain and unspeakable hardship.

There you have it. All the things I wanted to say this week and didn't. Well, maybe I did say them, just not the way I originally intended. It was a full, busy week and it looks like next week will be more of the same.

Maybe we should get another laptop? Maybe not.

The T's have it and a REALLY good book

2009-06-21T21:20:00.005-05:00

I have been meaning to post about 2 funny things the kids said and a really good book I finished about a week ago. So I thought I'll write about both in 1 post.

The first funny story:

My friend E wasn't feeling well a week ago. She lost her voice and sounded miserable. I told her 12x to go to the doctor-I thought she had a sinus infection. She thought she had bronchitis. She finally went to the doctor and guess what? She had a sinus infection (I shoulda been a doctor!) Anyway, I was reporting back to the husband when Big T says innocently "E has a science infection?" That was funny in and of itself but the funnier part it that E is a science teacher. We all got a big laugh.

The second funny story:

Little T was talking about being sick and told someone "I have the wine flu." No honey, that is what mommies and daddies get when they drink too much alcohol. You have the swine flu-not nearly as much fun. (No, I didn't really say that). I think I might need to get the wine flu after being cooped up in the house all week with sick kids.

Anyway. On to my good read.

It's called Shanghai Girls by Lisa See. You might have read some of her other books-Snow Flower and the Secret Fan or Peony in Love. Her newest book is about Shanghai during the 1930's leading into WWII and then immigrating to America during that time. It is about 2 sisters and their lives together and the choices they make to stick together to survive. Lisa See is a wonderful writer and I love learning about other cultures. She really makes the world of Shanghai come alive. A lot of the book takes place in LA during the time of the war and beyond. The persecution the Chinese felt from white people during that time was intense. Yet, without them much of America would not have changed for the better, they almost exclusively built the trans-continental railroad. Anyway, great book, I highly recommend it. She is a gifted writer.

I do have some other things going on involving the children but until they are set I will wait to divulge any more info. Trying to keep you guessing! Is it working?

Since I didn't sleep last night (and it wasn't because of the kids-I just couldn't stop thinking) I better go get some sleep.

Good Night!

Oink, Oink

2009-06-17T20:16:00.005-05:00

Well, I am exhausted. After one false negative, the kids are dropping like flies from the dreaded swine flu. So my first week of vacation is well, certainly not vacation. Oh, who am I kidding? As my mom said "Moms don't get vacation."

So the count is now 2 kids sick and 2 kids healthy. Hopefully, they will stay that way. We have multiple prescriptions of Tamiflu so I have hope. My heart breaks for them though. They feel miserable and they are missing the last week of school. When all the fun happens. So I have been doing a lot of promising. We will bake challah this week because Little T's class was doing that today. And we will go to the farmer's market next week because Big T's class was going to the produce store today (to practice their money skills-even though I think Big T knows how to use money, she certainly knows how to spend it!)

As for good news, I got a Blackberry when my cell phone recently broke. It has a really great camera in it and takes great pictures. So I should have more pics to add to the blog. It does take a really long time to add lots of pics though. Maybe I should go back to work so I will have more time to blog! Does that make sense? Staying home with my kids all day gives me no free time! Stay at home moms rock! It is such hard work to parent kids all day long. Don't get me wrong-working is hard too. But staying at home has plenty of challenges and I really respect all the moms who do it.

What else? Lulu's birthday is on Shabbos (Saturday) and I haven't even thought about it. Now any party we have will have to wait for everyone to get well. She will be 7 years old-where has the time gone? Really, where has it gone?

Dirty Diaper calling, gotta go. . . was that too much info?

Post in Pictures. lovely Lulu

2009-06-15T10:57:00.015-05:00

Here's what's on been going on recently:

Graduation (for my 8th graders)! Here I am on the right with 2 of the best teachers in the school! I love you Emily and Yolanda!

Here is Lulu at her school play. This is a little old-her front teeth are growing in already!

Lulu and her Bubbie at her play.

Ok-not so recent. This is the first tooth Lulu lost-she has lost probably 6 more since then. But it is a cute pic isn't it?

More pics later. . . . .

School's out for summer

2009-06-11T14:29:00.006-05:00

I won't lie to you-it's a little known secret that teachers look as forward to the end of the school year as much as the students do! Okay, maybe that's not so secret.

Tomorrow is my last day of school and I can't wait. As much as a I love my students, I have done all I can for them this year and now it's time for a break. I even get one more week with just the baby before my own children are done with school.

Then it's 6 weeks of camp and a family drive/trip to Maryland to visit my parents.

Other really great things that have happened lately:

Little T graduated nursery school. (I will try to post pics but they are on the husband's blackberry and I'm writing this at work). She feels right at home on the stage and at one point she even sang when no else was and they were supposed to. I guess that is one time that it pays to be LOUD! She was sooooo cute!

Baby M is doing new things every day. Her pincer grasp has developed with both hands so she can pick up cheerios and other foods with each hand and actually get it into her mouth. She is also standing while holding on and can pull herself up holding on. She can say "ma ma" and something that sounds like "a ba pa."

That's all for now-gotta go clean up my classroom!

Silly Shoes

2009-06-08T08:45:00.006-05:00

Well, I seem to have taken a blogcation but it actually wasn't on purpose! I just didn't seem to have much to say.

But that never lasts long (just ask my husband).

Lots of things did happen this past week (listened to a Holocaust survivor speak, spoke with my children's teachers, finishing up the school year) but what I really want to write about is something involving my kids.

Two weeks ago I went to the Nordstrom half-yearly sale. I never go to that store unless they are having a sale because I love to shop and don't have the money you need to be able to buy stuff in that store. I did not take any children but picked out shoes for them and brought them home. Of course none of them fit (except the pair that I bought for myself) and I needed to return them.

On the return trip I made a BIG mistake and took 3 out of 4 of the kids with me. Bad, Bad Idea. One which I will never make again!! What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking I can tell you that. Because I walked out of the store with 3 pairs of Lelli Kelly shoes for almost $200! For those of you without daughters or small children these are THE shoes to have. Every girl's dream. Sequins and jewels galore.

I think you get the idea. But I do not ever spend that kind of money on my kid's shoes. (And two pairs were even on sale!) They grow out of them too fast and are too hard on their shoes for it too be worth it. But they begged and pleaded. And then they pulled out the card that tugs on my heartstrings: "All the other girls in my school have them."

Now, I know this isn't true. Those shoes are too much money for everyone to have them. But there are girls wearing them. And my girls want to be like them. And then I feel bad. Because I want my kids to have what others have even if that is superficial of me.

In the end, I held on to the shoes for a week without letting the girls wear them. And then I returned them. Partly because they were just too darn much money and partly because my kids were not behaving and they need to earn something that nice and expensive.

Then I went to Payless and bought 6 pairs of shoes for $60. And I feel much better.

Memorial Day

2009-05-26T09:55:00.009-05:00

Growing up I really had no idea what this day was for. Kind of ironic since both my dad and uncle fought in WWII. As I've grown up, my understanding about this day has grown up too. And so I would like to honor my dad and uncle in this post for the sacrifices they made as soldiers protecting our freedom.

My uncle past away a few years ago when he was 85 years old. No, he was not my great-uncle he was my uncle. (My parents got married late-that's a story for another time). In WWII he was in the army and he stormed the beach at Normandy (I think it was Omaha beach). He saw terrible fighting and really did not talk about his experiences. He received a purple heart for his bravery as well as other medals . When I was in high school I was lucky enough to take a class trip to France and we spent some time in Normandy. We visited the American cemetery there filled with soldiers that gave their lives during that fight.

My father has an equally interesting story. He joined the Navy and fought in the Pacific. His ship was a minesweeper which did exactly what it's title says-it deactivated mines that the Japanese left in the ocean. Kind of dangerous, which is an understatement. In those days they only had sonar and it wasn't as exact a science as it is now. His ship, the USS Minivet, sunk. Thank G-d he was rescued(by the Japanese) and taken to safety. Not all the soldiers on his ship were that lucky. If he had not been rescued, I would not be here today.

I think it is amazing that people believe so strongly in our country that they dedicate their lives to serving it. So many young people today (and I would include myself) don't know what that kind of selflessness means. We take our freedom and country for granted. So for one day I want to say thanks and really mean it.

Thank you Dad and Uncle Joe for helping keep this country safe! I have been blessed to have known 2 heroes in my life.

A steal

2009-05-24T18:56:00.006-05:00

Yikes, it seems I was too brutally honest in my last post and must have scared some people away. So I've decided to switch it up and share a funny/slightly bizarre story.

I work in an up and coming, part inner city/part yuppie area of Chi-town. It used to have a lot of homeless shelters. It has lots of gang activity (so I've heard) but I am not afraid to walk around the area-I've always felt safe.

Anyway, I don't want anyone to think this story is about safety or something dangerous happening because it's not. Just trying to give a little background so you can picture it in your head.

I pass a drugstore on the way to work and I often stop there in the morning to get any last minute items that I might need before I get to work. This is after I stop for coffee-which I MUST have. But that's a different story.

Okay, so I stopped at this store last Friday, chose my items (it's usually food if you must know) and got in line. There was one older lady in front of me and she had two items, one of them was a bar of soap-this will be important later I promise! I guess she told the cashier she didn't want the soap and put it down next to the counter. She paid for her other item with cash and received her change which she counted and asked for specific denominations. Next, the cashier gave her the item she purchased in a small bag. Which wasn't good enough for her because she asked for a bigger bag. She then proceeded to steal the bar of soap using the bigger bag. To be honest, I didn't really notice until the cashier said something.

Really?

She had plenty of money in her hand. Did she really need to steal the bar of soap? It probably cost less than a dollar. I mean, what was she thinking?

All I could think is that she could be someone's mother or grandmother. What a terrible role model. At least she'll be a clean terrible role model.

Worrywart

2009-05-20T20:12:00.007-05:00

Disclaimer: Although I would like to have some personal life and not air all my dirty laundry on this blog, I think it will benefit me to write about this.

This week has been rough so far and it isn't even finished yet. My husband's grandfather passed away Monday evening and Y flew out at 2 am to get to California where the funeral would be.

And I lost it.

I feel pulled in so many directions and have so many things going on at the same time. I need help just to manage my everyday life. I am not a person who is supermom, super employee, super volunteer all at the same time. When my husband left so suddenly I felt bereft and lost. My anxiety overtook me.

I have always been a worrier. I can worry about big things just as easily as little things.

"What will the kids wear on Shabbos?"

"What should I make for dinner?"

"What if my boss doesn't like me?"

"What if someone I love gets sick?"

You get the idea. I read directions 12x before I drive someplace unfamiliar. I try to anticipate every situation so I can be prepared. I am not spontaneous, don't like surprises (even good ones), and am really not a flexible person. I pretend to be but I like advance notice and being warned ahead of time. So, even though Y's grandfather was on hospice and we knew it was coming soon I was still shocked. Shocked that it happened and shocked that Y would leave so quickly. And it triggered anxiety that I have never,ever before felt so physically.

I will spare you all the gory details but the anxiety just took over. I couldn't do anything else-it was paralyzing. I had a really hard time breathing and thinking. It felt like a rock was on my chest, I could only take shallow breaths. I had to sit down.

So, how to manage this? It seems I have a predisposition to being uptight and anxious about details (life). Someone recommended a book to me called Garden of Emunah (faith). Which I am going to read and post about at a later date. But it does bring up an interesting point. I know that Hashem controls everything AND that everything happens for a reason. But I only seem to know it with my head and not my heart. I don't FEEL it the way that I should. If I did, then I would be able to shrug things off and give the worry back to Hashem.

Well, maybe the book will help me get to that point. And I know I am oversimplifying things-emunah (faith/trust) is more complicated than the way I am explaining it.

I am done being brutually honest, for now. Thank G-d Y is coming home tonight!

My love/hate relationship with Sundays

2009-05-18T13:22:00.012-05:00

Sundays are supposed to be calm, relaxing fun-filled days to spend with my kids.

It never seems to turn out that way though.

All week long we have a schedule and routine and then Sunday comes and throws everything haywire. An aimless day that never seems to have enough time in it.

As a working mom, I try hard to keep things running smoothly. Every spare moment is utilized to the full extent. Of course, nothing goes perfectly all the time but I really try hard not to waste time. And because I work, Sundays are full of errands, laundry, other chores, and menu planning. Things that I have a hard time doing during the week because of time constraints or because I am just plain exhausted. I try to fit fun things in for the kids but I usually fall short.

So, often I hate Sundays. The fact that I have the possibility of "freedom" and "fun" and almost never get to experience those things make me a little bitter. And then I take that out on my husband and kids. Not good.

This week I decided to do something for myself. I have been trying to get up the motivation to start exercising and I finally started! I ran (read mostly walked fast) for about 40 minutes. It felt great. I hope to be able to continue doing it at least 2x a week, maybe more. Maybe it will restore my sanity. Maybe not. But at least I will have tried (and hopefully lose some weight in the process).

If my sanity doesn't return, maybe I'll try a cleaning lady next!

Post lost in cyberspace

2009-05-15T14:44:00.008-05:00

I am angry at blogger-I wrote a post today and when I went to publish it there was an error message and -BAM, no more post. How can that be-it was saving all along! Where is my post? It wasn't a great post, it was actually kind of random and probably not worth trying to re-write it. I really can't remember what I wrote anyway.

I just really haaaaaate putting effort in something and then having it not work out!!!

Will write more later, I hope!

May 5

2009-05-05T20:39:00.005-05:00

Today was my grandmother's birthday. When she passed away 5 years ago her death was my first real adult experience with the death of someone close to me who I loved. She lived a long life (she met 5 great-grand kids) that ended as a result of her battle with lung cancer.

Some things I remember about her:

She loved to eat.

She was generous and always bought my sister and I things that my mom wouldn't.

She loved to read romance novels.

She raised 2 wonderful daughters and taught them how to be great moms.

She wasn't afraid to state her opinion, to hell what other people thought.

She always had her nails and hair done.

She stayed with us for 2 weeks after Lulu was born and held her and held her. She loved babies.

She told me stories about what life was like growing up in Vermont with lots of brothers and sisters.

She had great jewelry and she used to let me look in her jewelry box when I would visit her.

She always had M&M's or some other type of chocolate in her house.

I miss her. I feel her presence a lot. Even more now that Baby M is named after her. Sometimes Baby M looks at me a certain way and I just see my grandmother in her so clearly.

I wish my kids would have had a chance to know her and make some memories with her.

This video inspired me and comforted me today. Her words capture everything that I need/want to say. I hope it inspires you too.

We love and miss you, Grandma.

Restored Calm

2009-05-03T18:45:00.004-05:00

I've recharged a little over this weekend. I wish I could just plug myself in and get my energy from the electricity like my cell phone does, but that is not to be.

M did not really sleep Friday night. She got another tooth and between that and the shots from this past week she has been a mess.

I still have tons of IEP paperwork to do that is hanging over my head.

I have terrible allergies that I think have begun developing into a sinus infection-my throat was absolutely killing me on Shabbos! And no nap either.

But even with all these difficulties going on-we had a nice Shabbos and Sunday. The weather here has been gorgeous (even though I can't fully enjoy it because of the allergies) and we have had lots of great family time. Sometimes that is all you need. To look at your kids and just be happy because they are happy.

I'm sure it will be another busy week-but right now I'm happy. I'm going to enjoy it!

Skeptical

2009-04-29T11:51:00.007-05:00

Lately I have been telling lots of people that I blog.

Their responses have been pretty telling-those who don't blog don't think much of the blogging world. They can be downright skeptical. In fact, I had the same response just a few short months ago. I didn't understand or see the point of blogging.

But my views have changed a lot since I started reading blogs and then starting my own.

I am a naturally nosy person so reading blogs about other people's lives fits right in line with my nosiness. It was just a matter of time.

On the other hand, I actually hated writing when I was in school. I looooove to read and talk about books but I couldn't stand putting my own ideas on paper. I could never find the right words and I hated having to write a specific length just to get a good grade. Who had time for verb tenses or not using the word "you" in your paper?

I am reformed however. Writing this blog has helped me process things in my life that I would normally whine about or just gloss over. It has encouraged me to be "present" (my sister the yoga teacher is constantly encouraging this) during moments both big and small throughout my life. (Usually so I can write about them later).

I am reflecting more on those moments which brings me clarity and is what I like to call "free therapy." I feel calmer and more at peace with things as I write about them. And I get support from people I know and from people I don't. That support is huge, otherwise I could just write in a journal and keep it hidden.

I am also proud of what I write. Sometimes I read what I wrote a few times; I feel like I am in love with words I wrote. Maybe I sound a little crazy, does anybody else do this? Re-read what they wrote just because they like the way they said something? I have never considered writing one of my strengths and so when I write something I consider "good" I like to enjoy it and read it over a few thousand times.

So to all those skeptics out there: don't knock it until you try it!

Anybody need a good read?

2009-04-24T11:19:00.006-05:00

I realize that is sounds like I giving away books but I am not. Sorry. I actually use the library so the books that I have read recently are from the library.

Good books I have read lately:

1. Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult

2. The Man in the White Sharkskin Suit by Lucette Lagnado

3. Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford

I'm not going to go into long summaries about any of these books. Partly because I read some of them weeks ago and lately my memory is not to be trusted. I thought all of them were very well-written.

Handle with Care is about a child with a bone disease and the ramifications that has on her family. It is a pretty typical Jodi Picoult book. Each chapter is written from a different character's viewpoint. Serious stuff and she always makes me think.

The Man in the White Sharkskin Suit is a memoir about a Jewish Egyptian/Syrian family that had to leave Egypt in the 1950's. I thought it was fascinating mainly because I know nothing about those countries and their role in recent Jewish history.

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet is a story about the Japanese internment during WWII in America. Written from the viewpoint of a Chinese-American boy/man in Seattle during that time. It is fiction but based on historical events. Really well written, deep but not toooo deep.

As you can see, my interests encompass a broad range of topics. I might have said this before but I will read about anything as long as it well written. Even a cereal box. My eyes automatically search out print wherever I am. I will also read even if I only have 1 min of time.

I am in the middle of reading 3 other books right now so when I finish them I will let you know.

It's a Diffferent World, than where you come from

2009-04-22T16:42:00.012-05:00

Cue the music. . . Maybe this is an obscure reference but anyone who watched the sitcom "A Different World" in the 90's would know that it was part of their theme song.

I had an interesting conversation with a student today that really reminded me that even though we live in the same city, we really live in 2 DIFFERENT worlds. I am going to provide a little background because even if you know what I do, you might not really know.

I am a special education resource/inclusion teacher for students in grades 5th-8th. That means I pull kids out to help them and I also go into classrooms to help them and the teacher. I write IEP's, test students, and go to meetings. My students have many different diagnoses. They vary including but not limited to: learning disabled, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and other mental health diagnoses. I work in an urban public school that is primarily African-American and Hispanic. Many of my students get free or reduced lunch and the only food they eat for the day are the meals the school provides.

I have always known that we occupy 2 different worlds. I am married (many of their parents are not) and am part of a 2 parent household. I live my life according to religious principles which influence my values, morals, and ethics. These kids live by one word: SURVIVE (out on the streets). Whatever you need to do survive, that is how you live.

Today's conversation was even more eye-opening. Without going into any specifics or identifying details, an 8th grader told me that if the doesn't graduate 8th grade(he will have to go to an achievement academy-sort of preliminary high school) he will drop out. He continued talking and said that he is in an afterschool program( I think he is court-ordered to go, assume what you will) and he said that out of the 7 other boys that are there, half of them will be dead and the other half in jail in 10 years time. This was stated in a matter of fact way. This is his expectation for his life , his future. I told him it didn't have to be that way. His reply: "Mrs. B, everyone dies or goes to jail." Uh, not quite. However, in his reality that is probably true. Scary. I have been working this profession for years-it takes a lot to rattle me. The way he was describing his life RATTLED me.

He doesn't think he has choices. He doesn't think those choices influence his future. But he does and they do! It's pretty normal teenage behavior to think you are invincible. To think you can get away with things. But the stakes are so much higher when gangs, drugs, and violence are involved.

What I struggle with: How do I make him understand this? How do I help him see this? I am left with this feeling of failure about this boy who could make something of his life. The irony is that he is smart and very capable of learning. But already by 8th grade (probably even earlier) the streets have caught him.

I care about my students so much. Sometimes more than they care about themselves. Sometimes more than their parents or guardians care about them. I want the best for them but sometimes it feels like we live on different planets that speak different languages. I wish I could speak their language so they could understand.

Hot and Heavy, topic that is

2009-04-20T10:58:00.019-05:00

Ok, I'm sure that what I am going to write about will stir up some controversy, just writing the title alone made me think twice. But I decided to go with it. The controversy that could result is just a by-product, NOT the purpose of this post. But I really feel like I need to get these thoughts I am having off my chest. That IS a reason that I started this blog.

Religion. That's what I want to talk about. And not just my religion. Which is why I think I might offend some people even though it is NOT at all my intention.

I have been reading other blogs on various topics that openly declare their faith. I think that is great. Talking and sharing about faith and beliefs help make up a person's essence and helps define who they are. For me, that is a reason to read blogs; I like reading about other people and learning new things. Also, I am nosy. I like glimpses into other people's worlds and their belief system is part of that.

However, what I don't understand or "get" is why other religions feel the need to make others believe the same way as they do. Why is my faith not as "good" as yours? Why do I have to be exactly like you? Diversity, including the fact that people practice many religions, are reasons to promote tolerance. Have good values. Live a moral life. When I speak about Judaism (to people who are not Jewish) it is not to tell people that they should be like me or that my way is the ONLY way. It is to educate and show that there is another way that people believe in G-D. I think it is important to be mindful that there are many belief systems that exist in the world and many ways to have a close relationship with G-D.

I chose to live the lifestyle of a religious Jew. I am not religious because I grew up that way or because it was the only lifestyle I knew. I had to make some hard choices that still continue to have consequences throughout my life. But I felt that I needed to live this way ( keep kosher, keep shabbos, etc.) in order to have the relationship with G-D that I wanted and needed. Maybe my background makes me too open-minded. I grew up in a small town where I was pretty much the only Jewish person in my grade. Passover? What's that? Chanukah, there was a little more exposure to because X-mas is around that time. I remember standing in front my class and telling everyone about these holidays and more. And not one time was I ever teased about being Jewish. I was teased about plenty of other things (I am very short-and my maiden name was Elfman, need I say more?). But I don't have any recollection of anyone making a rude comment about not having the same belief system as everyone else.

Another situation occurred recently. During this Pesach (Passover) holiday we are allowed to cook (unlike the Sabbath). However, our oven has an automatic shut-off after 12 hours and the holiday days were 2 days long. So after asking a Rabbi, we are allowed to get a non-Jew to turn on our oven. I asked my friend (love you E!) and she came over and turned on the oven. Well, she mentioned it to one of her relatives and he made a comment about how I am sending her to hell instead of me. And at first I didn't get it. What? Then I realized that he thinks that we consider everyone the same. And that is not true. I would never ask someone to do something that is wrong morally or ethically, or to do something that I would not do myself. But E had no obligation not to cook because she isn't Jewish. And she is not going to hell just because she is not Jewish. That is the obvious difference-we don't believe that everyone is supposed to be Jewish.

Of course, I am not any sort of authority on Jewish matters, so please correct me if I am wrong. I am just speaking my opinion and what I know to be true in my own life. Ok, getting off my soapbox. I hope I made sense. Lots of different viewpoints out there-Let me know what you think!

Firsts

2009-04-13T12:27:00.014-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't written for a while ( my sis got on my case) but for a while all I felt I could write about were complaints. And I don't want my blog to just be about complaints. Although it is my blog and I can write about whatever the heck I want even I was getting a little sick of myself!

So this is not a complaining post. It is about firsts. Pesach (Passover) started last week and it is M's first time celebrating the holiday. Of course, she has no idea what's going on-she's only 5 and a half months old, but still. She watched us during the Seder. She had some grape juice from my finger.

M also got her first tooth. We had absolutely no warning. Usually babies are fussy and uncooperative and you might even need to give them tylenol. Not this one. She has been drooling forever but that doesn't necessarily mean teeth are coming in the imminent future. Big T drooled for 9 months before she got her first tooth so I figured we had time. Well, I was wrong. At the second seder I put my finger in her mouth and felt sharp points on her bottom gum. I couldn't believe it and I might have to start to re-think this whole nursing thing. I don't like the idea of being bitten!

Another first: we gave M her first taste of food. She had applesauce and banana and even potato. Can you tell she's a 4th child? We didn't start with the baby cereal or test certain foods for a few days before starting a new one. I actually hadn't planned on giving her food at all until after Pesach but she seems sooooo ready to eat. She keeps grabbing cups and trying to put the food from my plate into her mouth.

Just today I gave some of my students their first taste of matza. They saw me eating it and were willing to have a try. Many of them have never met anyone Jewish and so all the traditions and customs that I keep are brand new and completely unfamiliar to them. Some of them liked the matza and some didn't but they asked me to bring more tomorrow so I take that as a good sign that I didn't scare them.

For the first time my husband and I cleaned our house for Pesach with no help. No cleaning help and no babysitting help. Usually I am scrambling around at the end needing something scrubbed or the kids taken away so that I can scrub something but not this year. We thought about our priorities and what we really needed during this holiday and that is all we focused on. We didn't clean anything extra (read: toys-just locked most of them up) and that helped. Also, being organized helped too!

Wishing everyone a Happy Pesach!

In other business

2009-04-02T14:38:00.003-05:00

Just a quick question-I don't love my template because I think it is hard to read. Anybody have any suggestions about where I can find a new template?

Thanks!

If moms ran the government

2009-04-02T11:55:00.009-05:00

If moms ran the government things would be done a lot more efficiently. Why do I say this? Because we can multi-task. Because when we have only small amounts of time we make sure to use that time wisely.

Yesterday I had report card pick-up day at work. That meant that my hours changed, I didn't need to be at work until noon but I had to stay til 6:15. So I had the morning to either waste time or get some things done.

Here is a run-down of what I did yesterday BEFORE I even got to work:

1. Got my kids ready for the babysitter and school and drove carpool.

2. Cleaned a bathroom

3. Unloaded a dishwasher and reloaded it

4. Folded 3 loads of laundry

5. Pumped

6. Stopped at Jewel to get lunch.

Then I got myself to work on time and then did a full day's work. Now I am not writing this to show off although that would be nice. But my point is that I AM NOT a supermom. I am not any better than other moms-we all do things like this all the time. Moms multi-task and know how to get things done in the shortest amount of time possible. Because time is at a premium and should not be wasted! And if you don't do things that need doing then you are left with an overwhelming, crazy mess!

Which is what I keep trying to explain to my wonderful husband. Who after 10 years still doesn't understand fully. Which is not his fault-he's not a mom. He doesn't understand why I keep doing things around the house instead of relax. He doesn't understand why I do the dishes when there are only a few in the sink. He doesn't understand why I like to put things away where they belong instead of anywhere I feel like it. Because at the end of the day I am the one who is responsible for keeping our house in order. Now, I don't want to make it sound like I do everything and my husband does nothing. We both work full-time and we share the household responsibilities or we would not survive. He is immensely helpful in all areas pertaining to the house but he just doesn't feel the urgency the way that I do.

I am also making myself sound like a neat freak, which I am not (if you saw my house you would agree) but I do need some order. And that is why moms should run our gov't. Because we are all about order and efficiency. Imagine when something needs to be done-it gets done. Not in weeks, months, or years, but NOW when it needs to be done.

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox. For now. Because you know I can be on my soapbox and do ten other things at the same time.

Facing hardship

2009-03-23T11:23:00.017-05:00

I have been writing and re-writing this post for 5 days. I just can't seem to get it written the way I want it.

In our lives we face many different kinds of hardship. Right now I have a sinus infection and a strained shoulder muscle (which is basically the whole left side of my back). Just in time for Pesach. So I am pushing through and working through the pain (drugs-I mean prescription medicine does help).

But what about other hardship? The kind that medicine can't help. I've been meaning to post about this for awhile and just have not had the emotional space to do it. But on another blog I read, she just posted about her 5 month old baby who is sick. Really sick. With a heart problem.

When I read about situations like this it makes me want to cry. Because I just want to take away the other person's pain. No parent should ever have to see their child in pain. Having gone through many losses at various stages of pregnancy, I wish that no one would ever have to experience something so devastating.

It is a hard topic to write about but something inside me needs to write/share about loss and grief. We all go through it. For many of us our grief is so personal that we don't want to share it, we don't want to tell others, we just want to get over it. Stop thinking about it. In my experience that doesn't happen. We don't get over it. We carry it with us even when we move on and go on about our lives.

But I think moving on and getting over something are two different things. Life keeps going even when you feel like falling apart. But getting over "it" means to me that you no longer have those feelings. Which I don't think that any person who has gone through a crisis or trauma does-stop feeling? Not possible.

Sharing all my intimate details with cyberspace makes me a little nervous but in the interest of helping, I will. Because suffering alone and in silence is worse than suffering with others. And there are many others out there who have stories similar to mine. Unfortunately, my story is not unique.

I have been pregnant 7 times and have 4 children. Two pregnancies were lost relatively early (9 weeks and 11 weeks). My second pregnancy ended at 21 weeks. All were life-changing events. And here in lies the craziness of trauma, pain, grief or whatever you want to call it. I would never, ever want to go through these experiences but they have made me who I am and helped me acquire wisdom that I otherwise would not have gotten.

And Rach-this is for you-these experiences brought me closer to G-d. My relationship to HaShem is stronger and more intense because of the pain that I went through. I learned deep in my bones that Hashem is the one in control. Of course, I knew that before but I didn't know it. Knowing that whatever Hashem does is for the best even if it doesn't seem that way is a hard lesson to learn. But I am stronger in my emunah (faith) for it.

For reasons unknown to me, those neshomas (souls) had a purpose for being here even for the short time that they were here. And I had to be the one to bring that about. And that has brought me some comfort.

Life is messy. But I am grateful for all the brachos (blessings) that Hashem has given me!

I'm not sure I can count that high

2009-03-19T19:59:00.005-05:00

Today 37 years ago my parents got married!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM and DAD!

I hope you continue to celebrate many more happy years together!

We love you!

Tagged

2009-03-18T19:01:00.023-05:00

I was tagged today by my lovely sister and as part of the game-playing process, I must find: 1 picture, 1 poem, 1 song, 1 quote, 1 item of clothing, 1 place and 1 disney princess. And then I must tag 6 more bloggers-in-crime. So here goes:

1. The picture(s) of my kids( I didn't have a pic of just one of all of them on the computer so you'll have to look at 3).
Here are the two oldest Big T and L enjoying posing for the camera.

Here is the baby M, the most laid back baby on the planet.

This is Little T, my red haired angel/devil.

2. A poem? This was a hard one but I chose to go down memory lane and pick a poem that I remembered from childhood. This is one of my favorite poems ever. In fact, anything by Shel Silverstein makes me smile.

3. I am really into Metallica right now. I would have to say that Hero of the Day is a fav. I never knew that their songs actually had such deep meaning.

4. Ok-I'm not sure if this a real quote but I have a poster saying it so someone said it sometime-"LISTEN and SILENT are spelled with the same letters." We don't listen enough!

5. Oh, I have a clothes problem-how can I choose just one item? Right now I would really like to wear sandals, flip flops or anything you can put on your feet in warm weather. I can't find a specific pair and the baby is crying so I'll leave you to imagine a pair.

6. The place? San Diego all the way! Lots of fun things to do, the greatest weather ever. Loooove it!

7. If I had to choose a Disney princess and I guess I have to or my sis might kill me, I would choose Sleeping Beauty. I can always use more sleep and she seems to have extra to go around. I also always liked her extra fairy helpers.

Fashionistas

2009-03-16T10:04:00.010-05:00

I'm sort of scrounging around in my brain for topics to write about today. I actually have a few ideas but I don't really have the brainpower to write about anything deep. I don't want to write about Passover yet-there's plenty of time and horror stories left for that.

I spent the entire day yesterday focused on the children's clothes for the upcoming seasons and holidays. Managing the clothes of 4 children is a job unto itself. I could probably make up a name for it: child stylist manager? personal unpaid shopper? We seriously have mountains of clothes in our house even after giving some away and throwing away the stained, yucky ones. I know I am a clothes horse ( I think that means I really like clothes) but it's not just that. Spring requires a whole different wardrobe than summer and holidays require a whole different wardrobe than weekday clothes. There's also the uniforms. Don't forget about the tights and the socks-they are also essential. Then we have the hair accessories and other such paraphernalia all over the place.

Then if they grow during the season and not between seasons, it's back to the stores for more and more clothes. Now, don't get me wrong-I am truly happy my kids are growing ( we do have growing issues so I really am happy). But girls are different than boys in the religious Jewish world. They wear skirts all the time and the skirts need to cover their knees. If they grow even just a little bit, their skirts might be just that little bit toooo short. And then it needs to be replaced. Now, in a way I am lucky, I have many other girls in the family to pass the clothes onto so it will get worn. But it is not so easy to find the clothes in the first place. Regular stores at the mall don't often carry skirts that are modest enough. And the religious stores charge an arm and a leg for children's clothes. I refuse to pay a lot unless I absolutely have to. Partly because I am cheap ( I fully admit it) and partly because my kids are hard on their clothes and they often get ruined easily.

I guess dressing my kids has become a hobby. I should just embrace that fact and take comfort that my kids usually look cute and do me proud!

Mazel Tov!

2009-03-12T10:08:00.009-05:00

It's a boy!

My husband's brother and his wife had a baby boy yesterday evening. A 9 pound baby boy!

Everyone in the family is super excited, this is the first boy in about 4 years-the last 3 grandkids on my husband's side have been girls. So it's a pretty big deal.

It's also a big deal because it's their first child. I can barely remember what that feels like-when everything is so new and scary-AND you're the one in charge.

Did the baby get enough to eat?

Is the baby's poop supposed to look that color?

Why is the baby crying?

Should I make people wash their hands before they touch the baby?

All thoughts I had when my oldest was born. When M was born a few months ago (the 4th) I didn't really have any of those worries. Caring for a newborn wasn't new. Even though it had been almost 5 years since Little T was born, how to care for a newborn came rushing back. I knew what to do.

I have found that I enjoy the newborn stage (and yes, I HAVE had a difficult/crying all the time baby so I know what that is like) and it goes by so fast. It is hard to be fully present and enjoy that time; when you are worried about how to care for the baby and recovering from childbirth things can be completely overwhelming! But now that my kids are bigger I realize that they are only babies for such a short time. It is so important to savor it and relish it. They get more and more independent and their needs constantly change.

So enjoy your first baby D and E! He is truly a blessing!

Mazel Tov!

Because I'm at Work

2009-03-10T10:25:00.010-05:00

Because I am at work today this Purim is a little different than normal. Usually the husband and I bundle up the kids and go around delivering shaloch manos to everyone in the world that we know (at least it seems that way)! But this year I am teaching (couldn't take off because Pesach is coming up and used up most of my days for maternity leave earlier this year) and so we are taking it easy.

The kids are giving to a few of their friends and their teachers and we will give to whoever comes to our house. Which leads me to the theme of this year's shaloch manos. My original idea didn't work out because it correlated to the kid's costumes which they refused to wear. So scratched that idea. I couldn't face the thought of baking, sooooo the healthy Purim was born. On a paper plate we put an apple, cut up veggies, dip, and a small water bottle. That's it. No cute poems either-just a label that says "Have a happy and HEALTHY Purim" which I convinced/forced my 8 year old to write. And that's it. If I was talented I would have a picture but I don't. I'm at work anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter. I think everyone can picture what it looks like.

I know I have done a lot of joking around about how much I don't like this holiday. It's true it's not my fav, but I would still like to be inspired and feel connected to the spirituality of the day. I feel like that is always the challenge; as a mom I am pulled in so many directions there is not always enough left for my own spiritual needs. Not sure how I am going to manage the inspiration part but I am sure I will hear a nice D'var Torah (word of Torah) at the Seudah (meal).

I hope everyone has a super Purim filled with food and inspiration!

The weekend in a nutshell and Happy Purim!

2009-03-09T13:32:00.012-05:00

This weekend was soooooo busy. It's not usually how I like to spend my weekends since it's my only time to get anything done. But sometimes I have to be busy and this was one of those times.

It started on Shabbos (Saturday) when I went to synagogue for the first time in a long while. The weather was yucky and I didn't really want to go out in it but I had no choice. Parshas Zachor awaited (when they read a certain part of the Torah out loud and everyone over bar mitzvah has to listen to it being read). Anyway, I experienced two interesting/funny things there. The first was watching a small child carry a plate of cholent (stew) and drop some on the floor. Even though he had a whole plateful left, he sat down on the floor and scooped it up and ate it from the floor. I guess he couldn't let a drop go to waste!

Also, at the synagogue this week was a get-together for a group of special needs teenagers. My bro-in-law was one of them. It was nice to see him and some of his friends. During kiddush (after prayers, blessing over wine-we eat food) one of his friends (who shall remain nameless) saw us and came over to us. He doesn't really know us but he saw me holding baby M and tried to take her from me. He refused to give me his name (we had to ask B, my bro-in-law) and then he wanted to sit right next to me. He kept trying to grab the baby and when my husband and I let him hold the baby he wasn't exactly gentle. I had to let my husband handle it because this was a big boy and he wasn't listening to a word I was saying. It was such an interesting experience. A few minutes later a counselor came over and distracted the boy by helping him get some more food. I have such respect for these counselors who give up their time to work with these kids. I know my bro-in-law gets so much out of these social gatherings-it really helps him establish and maintain relationships. Also, watching my husband interact with this boy reminded me what a great guy he is. Everyone in a family is affected by a special needs sibling and I think my husband has learned so much from B. He'll be upset that I am saying this, but he has a certain sensitivity to people with differences that most people don't have. It was nice to see him in action.

Then yesterday when running errands, I got caught in a thunderstorm. A monster thunderstorm! I really looked ridiculous! My wig was ruined, my clothes were dripping wet, all the food I bought at Sam's Club soaking! I was crying and totally felt defeated-I had to go home and change instead of finishing all the other errands I had to do. Not the best moment of the weekend.

Finally, last night I went to a dinner for my children's school. It was downtown in a fancy hotel. I very much did not want to go. But it actually was nice. I got to sit next to a great friend and we had tons to talk about. My kids were in the video they showed-they looked cute (and like they were behaving)! The food was ok and they gave out chocolate which is always a good thing.

Today, I have seen Big T put on a Purim play at her school and am getting ready for the big P-day! Still gotta put the Mishloach Manos together but it should be pretty easy-we are taking the easy approach this year.

Happy Purim to everyone!

Overwhelmingly overwhelmed!

2009-03-06T09:57:00.007-06:00

I wasn't going to post anything today but I think maybe if I get these thoughts out I will feel better.

I am overwhelmed. Here is my list of why:

1. Purim-shaloch manos. I have the idea of what to give out and it is simple but just actually implementing it makes me want to crawl in bed under the covers and not come out.

2. I think my kids don't have school next Wednesday and I just realized it last night. What am I going to do with them? Who is going to watch them?

3. I need to find a babysitter for baby M and Little T when my regular babysitter has a baby which is probably happening in 2 weeks.

4. Pesach is rapidly approaching and my house is a disaster area! How will I ever get it ready in time? I can barely cook, do laundry, and wash dishes on a regular basis. I will probably have to call in some reinforcements.

I know there are more items for this list but these are the biggies. I have been living in denial about the babysitter situation and it is not pleasant to leave that comfy fantasy place (in my head) where everything in my life always goes smoothly!

Other factors contributing to my overwhelmed state of being:

Lately, I have been feeling anxious about things I have said or done. One of the things contributing to my anxiety is leaving comments on other people's blogs. I worry that I haven't said the "right" thing. Or that it can be misconstrued. The computer is such an impersonal and imperfect way to communicate-I find difficult to convey tone and meaning. Part of the reason I worry is that I don't want to offend anyone, in real life I usually only share strong opinions with people who know me well. And I am new to this and worry that sometimes people don't understand what I mean. Does anyone else ever feel this?

Or am I crazy?

It's ok, you can tell me. I can take it.

I will survive!

2009-03-05T09:39:00.013-06:00

No, that song was not sung. But many other songs were sung, dances danced and acting acted.

I'll give you 3 guesses-where was I?

Ok, I'll just tell you, I went to Erev Shira last night. Sara has a great post about this (and hopefully the link works-I'm still a beginner). I couldn't not write all my thoughts about this evening of song (that's what erev shira means).

First, and foremost it is always wonderful to see kids perform-they work so hard and feel so proud. It is also amazing to see what the teachers are able to accomplish with kids of all varying talents, levels, and abilities. That being said I feel like I truly understand the meaning of the word sacrifice because I really and truly did not want to go! I kept trying to find excuses not to go; I have a cough, it's too late for the kids, etc. But my second grader begged me and begged me and I finally said yes. I wanted her to see her friends from school perform and I also wanted her to be able to talk about the performance with the other girls that went to see it. ( I am trying to be a better mom-but that's probably a post for another day). I also took L who is in first grade because I couldn't leave her out.

The message of the show was important and actually something that I would like to incorporate more into our family. Seeing the good in things that don't always appear that way. Making lemonade out of lemons. That sort of thing. I got it, but I'm not sure my girls did. Because after every scene they had at least 2 minutes of transition time when the stage was black and nothing was happening and then a loooooong song or dance. Could someone tell me why it has to be that way? My girls could not follow the story line with all the interruptions. And we were a terrible audience-everyone including adults talked all the time. What's up with that-aren't we trying to teach our children how to be respectful?

We didn't even stay the entire time, by 9:oo I just had to get my kids home and in bed. Especially considering L had lost all interest by that time and was waiting outside the auditorium because she was so bored. But that meant that Big T was upset because she wanted to stay until the end. There's just no pleasing more than one child at a time.

I would like to give a compliment to Big T. She gave lots of compliments to relatives of the girls who were performing. She was very sweet and she paid attention the whole time. Even L who had a hard time sitting didn't disrupt the performance.

So, I guess I could say it was $28 well spent. Time spent with my daughters watching something wholesome and relatively entertaining. Of course, this morning neither wanted to go to school because they were tiiiiiiiired (said in super whiny voices). Well, I wonder why?

P.S. The amount of balloons people brought to give to the performers could have carried me right up out of there-they filled the whole entryway. It's not Broadway people!

Book review #2

2009-03-04T09:46:00.005-06:00

So while my students are testing (the dreaded ISAT for those of you in the know) I thought I would use this time to write another post.

I recently finished reading a fascinating book called The 19th Wife by David Ebershoff. People who know me in real life know that I am intensely curious about different cultures and lifestyles that many would label weird or even freaky. I then like to talk about them so much (to anyone that will listen-my husband has LOTS of patience).

So this book was right up my alley. And when I checked it out from the library I didn't even realize it! But enough, on to the story.

This book is about 2 parallel lives both centering around polygamy. One viewpoint is told historically from the eyes of Ann Eliza Young, Brigham Young's supposed 19th wife ( I say supposed because there is a dispute about how many wives he really had). The other viewpoint is from a boy who was kicked out of the "fold" and his mom was the 19th wife of his dad. She did something really awful to the dad and the story follows that plot line as well.

I am truly fascinated by polygamy and the controversy that ensues because of it. Joseph Smith (the founder and prophet of the Mormon religion) and Brigham Young (his successor) told their followers that in order to get into heaven they had to marry more than one wife. The women needed to follow this dictate as well or they wouldn't get into heaven either. They were told it was their spiritual duty. Ann Eliza eventually spoke out against plural marriage and had a hand in getting the government and the Mormon religion to ban it. Women in this community were/are brought up to believe in polygamy. It just seems like exploitation to me. It really amazes me how so many people will follow blindly without thinking for themselves. Of course, that can happen in any religion, it just seems quite apparent here.

The other interesting aspect of this book involves the differences between the Mormons today and the fundamentalists that believe in polygamy. The Mormons are quick to distance themselves and say that they are not the same religion but they both share the same roots.

Side note: I know that Judaism used to allow this but I would venture to say that it looked and felt a lot different than the way it is practiced today.

This book is engaging and extremely well-written. I had a hard time putting it down. It is long-I think around 500 pages but it kept my interest for almost all of them. There are a few parts where the history lags a bit but it is definitely worth reading if you are interested in this topic.

Appreciated and Appreciation

2009-03-01T16:06:00.006-06:00

This past week was hard. One of those nothing ever goes right, can't get enough sleep, yelling at my kids, stress filled weeks. I just couldn't seem to handle stress and normal everyday problems that I normally can.

But there was a bright spot to the week.

On Wednesday, the kids had a carnival celebrating the upcoming holiday of Purim. It was super exciting for the kids and it is something they look forward to for many weeks. Well, Little T came home from school that day full of happiness and stories about the games she played and the prizes she won. As we were talking she mentioned that 3 kids in her class were absent because they were sick. She asked me very nicely if she could call them and wish them a Refuah Shelaimah (Feel Better Soon). I agreed and dialed the numbers for her.

The calls went a little something like this:

Little T: "Hello, this is Little T and I want to wish so-and-so a refuah shelaimah.

(Of course, I only heard her side of the conversations).

Little T: "What? No, Hello, this is Little T and I want to wish so-and-so a refuah shelaimah.

(I guess they didn't understand the first time).

Anyway, she had great phone manners and told her friends she missed them in school and she hoped she would see them the next day. She had to repeat that message a few times to her friends but they eventually got the point. I told her she did a big mitzva (nice thing) and I was very proud of her. Hours pass and we finish our night, Little T goes to bed.

About an hour after that the phone rings. And on the caller id is the name of one of the families that Little T called. It was the mom of the little boy that Little T called. She called to tell me how much she appreciated what Little T did. It meant a lot to her and her son and she felt like she needed to tell me. Not only she did speak highly of my daughter regarding the phone call but she also shared with me times she had been in Little T's classroom and she saw how special Little T was. This mom told me she felt that Little T is so caring and generous and truly cares about her friends. She said Little T is spunky and independent and her goodness shines through.

Whoa, are we talking about my child?

I said thank you, hung up the phone, turned to my husband and almost burst into tears. Because no one has ever done that before. I have the kind of kids that everyone notices and not always for reasons that are good. My kids aren't bad, they aren't mean (except to each other), but they are high maintenance and full of energy. Oh, and they are smart and perceptive so you can't trick/manipulate them easily.

But that phone call really made me think. And I realized a few things.

1. In today's society we are so concerned with boundaries (and often we should be). I am especially conscious of not wanting to overstep that sometimes I forget that sometimes overstepping is the right thing and might make someone feel good. That phone call couldn't have come at a better time. It was wonderful to see my daughter through someone else's eyes.

2. I need to stop labeling my children. I often talk about my kids and label them or give them a role in the family. Little T is the stubborn one, Big T hoards toys, L is the nurturer. All of these labels are true but they aren't the only ways to define my children. I need to remember to talk about my children in a more positive manner. I forgot that Little T is a giving, caring child that makes friends easily. What a strength! Hopefully one that will follow her throughout life.

A little appreciation goes a long way in this world where we don't often stop to say a simple "thanks." So I am saying thanks to this mom for seeing the good in my child. Thanks for taking the time to tell me. And most of all, thanks for reminding me how wonderful my kids are.

A little tongue stretching

2009-02-25T13:19:00.007-06:00

Usually when my kids say cute, funny, or silly things I have a habit of forgetting them if I don't repeat them to another person right away. I have forgotten many cute expressions because of my faulty memory. But I did have 2 conversations with Big T that I do remember and I thought they were pretty hilarious.

Both these conversations took place during carpool in the morning on the way to school. I had just finished taking the baby inside the babysitter's house. When I got back into the car our conversation went a little something like this:

Big T: Mommy, I am sorry.

Me: Sorry for what?

Big T: Sorry for sticking my tongue out at you.

Me: When did you do this?

Big T: Just now when you were getting back in the car. You didn't see me?

Me: No, I didn't see you. Why did you stick your tongue out at me?

Big T: (after a moment's hesitation) Weeeeell, I was just stretching it.

It took all I had in me not to laugh out loud at this excuse. I guess I need to give her points for creativity!

The second conversation happened immediately after.

Big T: Mommy, can I run for President?

Me: President of what?

Big T: Of the country, of course.

Me: Of course you can but you have to be much older to be President.

(Then we proceeded to do the math to figure out how many years it would take until she was 35).

Me: Why do you want to be President?

Big T: Because then I can BOSS people around!

Well, there's her personality in a nutshell!

I need some encouragement

2009-02-24T12:40:00.015-06:00

Edited/Update:

First, thanks for all the great advice and support. Being a mom is all about knowing you have support and getting advice and I feel really blessed to know you guys are out there. Sometimes it just feels better to know you are not alone!

I use a medela pump in style from when my oldest was born, it could be that it is not working as well but I really don't think so.

Shira-don't feel bad pumping when he is this small is the smart thing to do! I should have done that when I was engorged but I couldn't get my act together.

Anita-it is great to have your perspective since you are the one feeding her the bottles. Thanks for the encouragement and you know I am all about making your life easier when you are taking care of my rambunctious children.

I do try to read and relax when I pump and that does help, I think this week I have been feeling more stress and anxiety and I am sure that is affecting my milk supply. Thanks for reminding me about food, she just had her 4 month check-up so we will be starting that relatively soon.

And that brings me to the update portion: M is 12lbs and in the 25th percentile for weight and the 75th percentile for height (could I have possibly made a tall child?). She is meeting all developmental milestones and ithe doctor says she is doing great. So really I am thankful to Hashem that everything is going well and that she is growing. And that is the MOST important thing!

Help!

Disclaimer: If you are a man (and you know who you are) please stop reading. This is a topic that pertains to women and if you keep reading don't say you weren't warned. In fact, if you are a woman who has not had children you might want to stop now too.

Ok, here goes: I need help with breastfeeding and pumping. It is so hard!

I am committed to nursing my baby for as long as I can (or at least until teeth, whichever comes first) but I am having a hard time with the pumping. I knew there would come a point where I wouldn't be able to keep up with her but I didn't think it would come so soon. She is 4 months old this week and she is already needing an extra bottle of formula throughout the day.

Let me give some background: I pump 2x a day and usually get 6- 8 oz. My body just has a hard time keeping up with the demand just by pumping. I pump in my locked classroom, once in the morning and once at lunchtime. I am always rushing and usually have a very limited amount of time to pump.

In the past I alway had to give up pumping from around 9 months to 5 months (depending on the child). But that has always meant giving up breastfeeding for good-the other girls were all or nothing. It was all formula or all nursing, but not some of each. I am not ready for that to happen yet. I enjoy feeding the baby (most of the time). I am not ready to give up the time we spend together.

So here are some of the tricks I have heard for keeping your milk supply up:

1. drink mother's milk tea

2. take fenugreek-until you smell like maple syrup and should probably go move to Vermont

3. eat oatmeal

4. brewer's yeast-either in beer or as a supplement

5. drink enough water

6. feed the baby frequently as supply correlates to demand

I know all of this in my head (and I have been following all this advice) but I am having a difficult time staying motivated to continue. My supply doesn't seem to increase as a result of all these "interventions."I certainly want M to get all the benefits of breastmilk and I would like to have the benefits of not having to pay for formula and not getting my "friend." But I would like my body (and brain back). Especially if I feel like I am going through all this effort for what feels like a minimal amount of "liquid gold."

So it's a balance but I find it impossible to find the right balance. If I stop pumping I know I will feel guilty for not giving M the best of what she needs. But if I keep going I struggle with the resentment of having to do it at all.

So I am asking for help. Anything you feel might help would be welcome. Anything you might have learned along the way and think is worth sharing I would looooove to hear.

When your parents are old enough to be your grandparents. . .

2009-02-19T19:31:00.008-06:00

My mom and dad are 15 years apart and my dad was born in 1926-you do the math. So, when your parents are old enough to be your grandparents. . .

You have to talk REALLY, REALLY loud. Loud because they (really just my dad) wears hearing aids. Loud because you have to talk over the tv that you could hear from 3 houses away. It makes for some pretty interesting conversations that seem to get repeated over and over again.

You are absolutely not allowed to drive at night. Or when it gets dark outside-whichever comes first. Other drivers who could drive perfectly well in the daylight somehow forget how to drive when night falls. It's really just better to wait and do everything during the day. Just to be safe.

You are also not allowed to go outside when the weather is bad. That includes rain and sometimes even wind. Certainly snow, ice, sleet, and any other weather you can think of that is cold or wet. You might get sick, or slip and fall. You can NEVER be too careful!

You get lots of old crap, whoops, I mean antiques that they don't want anymore. Things that have been around say since 1926. Maybe it will one day be useful again. Maybe it won't.

You get lots of important advice on how to live your life. Advice about every little thing. From what kind of car to drive to when to write thank-you notes.

All kidding aside, I really have wonderful, kind, loving, parents who support me and everything I do 150%. In fact, all they have only ever wanted for me was to be happy. Even if my idea of happiness was not their idea of happiness. Nothing shows that more than my choice to become frum (for anyone who doesn't know-orthodox Jewish). I have heard so many horror stories from others who have chosen this path; some people stop talking to their family, some people have to deal with constant criticism. My family is not at all like that.

When I married my husband after only dating him for only 6 weeks they accepted him with open arms and invited him into the family wholeheartedly (sometimes I think they like him more than me :)). When we visit them at their house they participate and keep Shabbos (the Sabbath) to the best of their ability (they even use torn toilet paper). They respect my needs regarding kosher food and go out of their way to make sure I have enough food to eat.

This weekend was a special opportunity for me to spend time with my family without any distractions. Over the past 10 years or so, the relationship with my parents has been slowly changing. I am relating to them as an adult instead of as a child. I can appreciate the sacrifices they make and the unconditional love they give me, because I am learning to give to do the same for my children. It is difficult to put aside your wants, your likes and desires, and your goals for another person and allow that person to be free to experience life in the way that they want. My parents have done that. I feel so blessed to have experienced my parents as role models, caregivers, and friends.

I would love to visit them more but I'd have to drive through the night to get there and maybe encounter some unfortunate weather. Guess I'll have to wait til summer!

Trying out new things

2009-02-17T21:06:00.010-06:00

So, I survived the flight home with the help of some homeopathic medicine that really worked! The baby slept the whole time (she is an angel baby) and I got an entire row, actually the whole back of the plane to myself. So, no complaining here.

I have about 12 blog posts in my head right now but none are fully developed so I thought I would try to show off what I learned about blogging from my sister during this trip. For all you super bloggers this might be boring but I feel like a rock star!

As shown in the paragraph above, I learned how to put a link in my post. So here's a shout out to my sis who has a great blog and is much craftier than me. She's also an amazing yoga teacher so if you're ever in the DC area check her out!

I also learned how to put pics in my post like this (of course this took forever because it ended up in the wrong spot a few times-why does it keep putting the pic at the top?):

There is probably an easier way to do this but I just cut and pasted the html code from one spot to another. Obviously, I need lots more practice. Anyway, this is the angel baby taken about a month ago. Such a serious face!

And even though they will kill me here's a pic of my mom and dad who I went to visit along with my sis and her family this weekend: The greatest parents a girl could ask for! More on them at a later date. I also learned how to make my words different colors. I really could have fun with that!

She also showed me how to add video but lucky for you guys I don't have any on the computer to add.

I'm pretty proud of myself even though the entire world probably already knows how to do all these things. Oh well, everyone at their own pace I always say.